A Certain Kind of Death

(tip: watching documentaries at higher speeds saves time)

Charnel grounds, in some societies, used to be where unclaimed corpses were taken and left to the elements or to be consumed by vultures and wild animals. Certain types of yogins and adepts would go there to meditate and confront human death and decomposition. We don't have charnel grounds.

We have documentary filmmakers. This sort of documentary is certainly no equivalent to charnel grounds, but still has meditational value in contemplating the raw reality of one kind of death, especially since there's no censorship. So yea, *warning* graphic images of corpses. It's not intentionally gruesome and it's neither unduly respectful nor disrespectful. Just the facts, ma'am.

I'm glad they didn't censor anything. It's important to see death as it really is, not prettied up to be presentable and "alive looking" at funerals. That's just a way of being in denial about death, I think. When you see a dead body, there should be a visceral reaction. This is everyone, how we all essentially end up naturally. After a mortician gets done with a body, we can look at it and think, "It's not so bad". I call that a certain kind of denial.

Still, don't even consider watching this if you have any inkling it's something you don't want to see. And if you don't know and just want to "take a look", be prepared to stop as soon as you realize you don't want to go there. It's like at the first realization I'm hearing a Celine Dion or Justin Beaver song, I shut it down immediately by any means necessary short of murder (bodily harm is acceptable). Although I wouldn't know right away if it was a Justin Beaver song since I've never heard enough to recognize it. I've heard just enough to know I'd rather look at human corpses than listen to that. Unfortunately, I do know what Celine Dion's unspeakable devil-howling sounds like.

Mind you, the documentary is not about the dead bodies. The dead bodies are just part of the narrative of people who die without friends or family to check in on them. People who die and have to be discovered, rather than surrounded by loved ones or relatives at least. They become cases for the government to deal with. The fact that they died is just part of the cases and that aspect is shown.

I contemplate the possibility of ending up like this. It's my worst case scenario to die in my apartment of some medical or health failure and needing to be discovered after neighbors, strangers, are alerted by the foul smell. I won't go unclaimed, at least. Personally I don't care at all about that. I just don't like the inconvenience and disturbance to other people.

If I die outside of my apartment by some accident or health failure, then I'll likely go unclaimed and end up in Taiwan's version of this kind of fate. No one would be able to ID me and no one would notice me missing for a while. The first person to notice, I've mentioned before, would be my landlord after several months of missed rent and not posting the gas meter reading, which I have to do every other month.

In my ideal situation, I would disappear without leaving a body for anyone to deal with. After it's clear that I've disappeared and not coming back (this blog found?), there would just be my meager possessions for which I'll leave a holographic will instructing that my things be taken by anyone interested and otherwise donated if there's no interest. The rest will be disposed of and I'm sorry for the inconvenience that will cause. Hopefully someone can be hired, like in the documentary ("drayage" I think they called it), using my remaining funds to take care of that.

I have to remember to specifically state that if I leave bodily remains, control of them is absolutely, under no circumstances to be given to my mother. That's the only aspect of leaving a body that I care about. My final wish is that my complete cremated ashes be scattered in the ocean.

I doubt holographic wills exist legally in Taiwan, but for that reason they might be respected. There's probably little reason for holographic wills in Taiwan. A holographic will is one that's written by the decedent but not notarized nor legally overseen or represented. They're enforceable in California and other states where they are statutorily supported in cases where property disputes arise.

The last book I read off the stacks in the public library was The Great Leader and the Fighter Pilot: A True Story About the Birth of Tyranny in North Korea (2016) by Blaine Harden. It juxtaposes the stories of Kim Il-Sung's rise to power and North Korean air force pilot No Kum Sok (whoever came up with the romanization of his name should be shot) who defected to South Korea at the tail end of the Korean War, delivering a Russian-made MiG-15 fighter jet in the process.

The juxtaposition is a gimmick as No Kum Sok has already published his memoir and I'm sure more in-depth and scholarly works exist about Kim Il-Sung. It makes for a pretty light read and excellent as an introduction to North Korean history. There's not a whole lot to say about the book beyond that, either you're interested in the topic or not. The story-telling is good and contains a lot of information and history about that time and place that I imagine many aren't aware of aside from in broad strokes.

There are things that I consider mistakes which may be small but I personally found glaring and highlight the white, male author telling other peoples' stories. There's nothing wrong with that. Whoever wants to write stories is free to write them, it's just that there are consequences, and always have been consequences, when a dominant hegemony writes the stories of a perceived other. There's always a skewed perspective, if not being plain wrong.

As far as I'm concerned Asians are a race. White people are a race, black people are a race. Differences between races are why we have the word "racism". Therefore only under specifically proscribed circumstances can Asians be racist against other Asians. Chinese and Japanese can't be "racist" against Koreans, as the author tells it, any more than Germans can be racist against the British. Calling the French "frogs" is not racist. It's funny. Even the French condescendingly find it amusing (<French accent> Ah, you styupit Americans are trying to insult me, how amusing </French accent>). Self-hating Asian American kids trying to fit into racist white society by making fun of other Asians is Asians being racist against other Asians. That was me in elementary school, by the way.

He also writes that leaflets were dropped by U.S. forces over MiG Alley on the North Korean and Chinese border that were written in Korean, Russian, Mandarin and Cantonese. So the author doesn't understand how the Chinese language works. You can speak Mandarin or Cantonese, but you don't write Mandarin or Cantonese. Irregardless of what dialect of Chinese is spoken, there is only one written Chinese language, simplified and traditional characters notwithstanding.

The simplified Chinese characters that Mainland China created was to promote literacy because the modern, common, Communist Chinese presumably lack the brain power to handle the rich meaning and art involved in traditional writing. Sounds about right. It likely wasn't in place yet during the Korean War, and even if it was, the U.S., as ignorant and racist as it was at the time, likely wouldn't have known about it.

Wow, I'm just insulting everyone today, ain't I?

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I had to go down to Kaohsiung yesterday for some family bullshit issue. It falls under the category of "none of my business" and was at worst an inconvenience pulling me away from my dearly held daily routine. It wasn't the type of family chaos my mother embodies. It's the kind of thing likely many people have to go through at some point, so I'm not complaining.

I was just a pawn. I, along with other grandchildren, inherited property from our grandfather many moons ago for some legal reason, probably to avoid taxes. Now our parents, who have the real interest in the real estate, need us to sign over power of attorney to them. None of my business, of course I'll do what needs to be done, even if it means departing from my dearly held daily routine.

However, the inconvenience was an opportunity to activate mindfulness practice outside of my dearly held daily routine. I was actually surprised how good I was at identifying everything I was feeling moment to moment and what was going on all throughout my body as energies and applying the practice. All of it illusory and easily brushed aside.

Stress? Nope, it's unreasonable (or I'm aware of it and allowing it). Worst case scenarios? Nope, wrong attitude. Just do the right thing given any situation. The one thing I had to be insistent upon was that I was returning to Taipei the same day, and I did the smart thing in buying a non-reserved seating return ticket as soon as I arrived in Kaohsiung. I could take any train home, but it had to be that day. I don't know why anyone would think I was staying for more than one day.

Watching energies is, I think, a Tibetan Vajrayana practice which requires a teacher and initiation, so I make no claim that I'm doing it right. I'm just going by intuition with a vague belief that I've received initiations in previous lives. All I'm doing in this life is trying to review and maintain them without screwing anything up until I go back to accepting the idea of a teacher.

Every experience, sensation and bodily/mental function is an energy that should not be assumed to just happen because we're human. Even hunger or lack of hunger, or digestion and waste excretion are all energies. Sexual impulse and reaction are among the strongest of energies. All of them should be vigilantly observed as they occur with an understanding of their empty and enlightened nature. That is definitely something I'm going on intuition since I can't explain what that means at all.

There's one important mantra that has been said to encapsulate the entirety of the Buddha's teaching: "Nothing whatsoever should be clung to (as me or mine)". An extension of that I use most often during sitting is, "No thought whatsoever is worth dwelling upon". Thoughts constantly arise, I can't help it with my monkey mind, but I can constantly remind myself that none of them are worth anything.

Now it's "May all enlightened energies embodied in each and every experience be ignited like a fire". Alliteration. The refuge of the destitute (Sondheim). It's ironic Sondheim calling alliteration the refuge of the destitute since his lyrics are literally littered with alliteration. And he's brilliant at it, no destitution there!

That they be ignited like a fire is to emphasize the active and potent nature of the energies, like a volatile gas. The fire of transformation. No idea. The fire leads to transformation? Transformation is somewhere in there. I just wanted to say the word because it sounds like it belongs somewhere in the equation.

It was a low-key, day-trip visit. My uncle and I took care of the legal stuff and we visited another aunt and uncle briefly. Then my uncle and aunt took me on the new Kaohsiung light rail to show me some of the many changes happening in the fast-developing city. I'm not sure how accurate it would be to say it's like Taipei years ago, but I hardly recognize Kaohsiung now, aside from the heat. Taipei, too, is now very, very different from what it was when I first got here.

A cousin, the son of the aunt and uncle we visited in the afternoon, showed up at the last moment and took me to the High Speed Rail station to return to Taipei. I also spoke on the phone with two other cousins who speak English reasonably well.

And that was Kaohsiung; the first I've been out of Taipei since my father died in Dec. 2016. First "disruption" to my dearly held daily routine in that time. During that time, in total, I've met up with my old Mandarin teacher once; a classmate from my first Mandarin language class, with whom I'm unusually still in touch, twice; and I saw my uncle twice in 2017 when he came up for two of my landlord's (a distant relative) children's weddings.

That's the story of all my personal contacts. I have nothing to do with them, and they have nothing to do with me. As they know nothing about me or what I'm doing or not doing with my life, I also have no idea what any of them has had to deal with in the past few years. One of my uncles died recently, the father of one of the cousins I spoke with on the phone, maybe even in the past year, and it was just information. I wasn't prompted to attend any funeral.

It's the worst kind of small talk when you know nothing about each other but have to force interest in their lives. Certainly they've had difficulties and other worries occupying their minds. I wouldn't be surprised if any of them has contemplated suicide. But that's not something that comes up in the small talk relationships I have with these people.

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