1977 (mix CD of every year of my life series):
1. Sweet Talkin' Woman (Electric Light Orchestra) (official audio)
2. Movin' Out (Anthony's Song) (Billy Joel)
3. Stayin' Alive (The Bee Gees)
4. Psycho Killer (Talking Heads) (official audio only)
5. Tiger in a Spotlight (Emerson, Lake & Palmer) (unofficial upload)
6. Dreams (Fleetwood Mac)
7. Come Sail Away (Styx)
8. Draw the Line (Aerosmith)
9. We are the Champions (Queen)
10. Hopelessly Human (Kansas) (official audio)
11. Two Out of Three Ain't Bad (Meat Loaf)
12. You're in My Heart (The Final Acclaim) (Rod Stewart)
13. Solsbury Hill (Peter Gabriel)
14. "Heroes" (David Bowie)
15. Jamming (Bob Marley & the Wailers) (official audio)
16. Fool's Overture (Supertramp)

Meat Loaf's Bat Out of Hell album was a major part of my early music experience. My oldest brother had bought the album and it was most definitely the first album I memorized all the lyrics. I wouldn't be surprised if I put it on today and could sing along to most of it. As long as no one was listening.

Queen's News of the World album was the first LP I ever bought. I don't know what year I bought it, certainly not 1977, but 1979 at latest. "We Will Rock You" segueing into "We are the Champions" were huge on the radio and to my young ears were the greatest thing ever at the time.

1976:
1. Rhiannon (Fleetwood Mac)
2. Sir Duke (Stevie Wonder) (official audio)
3. Silly Love Songs (Paul McCartney & Wings)
4. TVC 15 (David Bowie)
5. Livin' Thing (Electric Light Orchestra)
6. Jailbreak (AC/DC) (official audio)
7. Achilles Last Stand (Led Zeppelin)
8. (Don't Fear) The Reaper (Blue Oyster Cult) (official audio)
9. Too Old to Rock and Roll (Too Young to Die) (Jethro Tull)
10. Show Me the Way (live) (Peter Frampton)
11. Let 'Em In (Paul McCartney & Wings) (official audio)
12. Positive Vibration (Bob Marley & the Wailers)
13. Dance on a Volcano (Genesis) (official audio) (what makes this song great)
14. Hotel California (Eagles)
15. The Wall (Kansas) (unofficial lyric video)

I have long cited Led Zeppelin's Presence album as my favorite and for the longest time I got looks of disbelief at that. Over time, though, I think I've been vindicated by more and more people realizing how good it is without any radio-friendly hits, but good solid writing and musicianship. "Achilles Last Stand" is among my favorite Led Zeppelin songs, along with "Since I've Been Loving You", "The Rain Song", and "Ten Years Gone".

1975:
1. Bohemian Rhapsody (Queen)
2. Young Americans (David Bowie)
3. You Sexy Thing (Hot Chocolate) (audio only)
4. Walk This Way (Aerosmith)
5. Icarus (Borne on Wings of Steel) (Kansas) (official audio)
6. Fly By Night (Rush)
7. Tenth Avenue Freeze Out (Bruce Springsteen)
8. Houses of the Holy (Led Zeppelin) (official audio)
9. Strange Magic (Electric Light Orchestra) (official audio)
10. Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover (Paul Simon)
11. Welcome to the Machine (Pink Floyd)
12. A Soapbox Opera (Supertramp)
13. Love Rollercoaster (Ohio Players) (audio only)
14. Squeeze Box (The Who) (official audio)
15. Megalomania (Black Sabbath) (audio only)
16. (A) Face in the Crowd (The Kinks) (audio only)
17. Listen to What the Man Said (Paul McCartney & Wings) (official audio)

1974:
1. The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway (Genesis)
2. It's Only Rock and Roll (But I Like It) (The Rolling Stones)
3. #9 Dream (John Lennon)
4. Dreamer (Supertramp)
5. The Great Deceiver (King Crimson)
6. No Woman, No Cry (Bob Marley & the Wailers) (official audio)
7. Bungle in the Jungle (Jethro Tull) (official audio)
8. In the Cage (Genesis) (official audio)
9. Can't Get It Out of My Head (Electric Light Orchestra) (unofficial upload)
10. Killer Queen (Queen)
11. Junior's Farm (Paul McCartney & Wings) (unofficial upload)
12. Future Legend/Diamond Dogs (David Bowie) (unofficial upload)
13. Hide in Your Shell (Supertramp)
14. Day By Day ("Godspell")
15. Carpet Crawlers (Genesis)
16. Journey From Mariabronn (Kansas) (official audio)

1972-1973

It's nice not working, but I am kind of drifting directionless. And I don't know where I'm going with this life. I'm not going anywhere with this life. I really don't care, in the ordinary sense, where I go with this life.

Every train of thought still is that I'm done with this life, but that's the way it has been for the past countless years, so what's different now? Why not keep slogging it through like I have for the past countless years? Something's different, but I've been saying that all through the past countless years.

Whatever, I'm not concerned anymore about justifications. I don't need to defend any decision I make.

It's nice not working, much more peaceful piece of mind.

The weather's showing peeks of warmer and drier days and I'm wanting to run or ride. Although without work, it's harder because I don't have a drying out period. I basically start drinking second thing in the morning, after 45 minutes of quiet sitting.

Yesterday I decided not to take out my road bike, but got on my street/commuter bike and went on an extended (for a street bike) ride on the bikeways to feel out my fitness. I do have to build up.

Today I studied in a cafe and otherwise floated through my life.

I think the difference is just time. Water under the bridge. As time goes by, if something is inevitable, the inevitable just gets closer. Whether it's fact that one day you're going to commit suicide, or if you live to a hundred and die in your sleep. I can deal with that.

Taipei Museum of Fine Art - Rainbow V 22mm lens toy camera, Ilford XP2 Super.

1:40 p.m. - Photostitch of the new pedestrian bridge over the canal along the Keelung River.

1:42 p.m. - Keelung River photostitch.

1:43 p.m. - Calm Keelung River.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 26, 5:46 a.m. - Stepping out during a night of hanging out at a bar with acquaintances. Evidence of being social.

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 28,  5:47 a.m. - More (and better) evidence of being social. Inside the bar.

1973 (mix CD of every year of my life series):
1. Dream On (Aerosmith)
2. Get Up, Stand Up (The Wailers)
3. Jet Airliner (Paul Pena)
4. La Grange (ZZ Top)
5. Karn Evil 9 - 1st Impression, Part 2 (Emerson, Lake & Palmer) (unofficial upload)
6. Over the Hills and Far Away (Led Zeppelin)
7. Goodbye Yellow Brick Road (Elton John) (audio only (official))
8. Angie (The Rolling Stones)
9. American Tune (Paul Simon)
10. Band on the Run (Paul McCartney & Wings) (audio only (official))
11. Money (Pink Floyd)
12. 5:15 (The Who)
13. Piano Man (Billy Joel)
14. Give Me Love (Give Me Peace) (George Harrison)
15. Don't You Worry 'Bout a Thing (Stevie Wonder) (audio only (official))
16. The Cinema Show (Genesis) (audio only (official))

1972:
1. Superstition (Stevie Wonder) (audio only (official))
2. Tumbling Dice (The Rolling Stones)
3. You're So Vain (Carly Simon)
4. Take It Easy (Eagles)
5. Heart of Gold (Neil Young) (audio only (official))
6. Wot's ... Uh, the Deal (Pink Floyd)
7. Spirit in the Night (Bruce Springsteen)
8. Walk on the Wild Side (Lou Reed) (audio only (official))
9. All the Young Dudes (Mott the Hoople) (audio only)
10. Honky Cat (Elton John)
11. Celluloid Heroes (The Kinks)
12. Can-Utility and the Coastliners (Genesis) (audio only (official))
13. From the Beginning (Emerson, Lake & Palmer)
14. Join Together (The Who)
15. You Are the Sunshine of My Life (Stevie Wonder) (audio only (official))
16. And You and I (Yes)
17. Suffragette City (David Bowie)

"Can-Utility and the Coastliners" was the first "old" Genesis song I recall hearing and was the start of a lifelong love, appreciation and sometimes obsession with the band. I was already a fan of Genesis with Phil Collins as lead vocalist, but totally unaware of their history or who Peter Gabriel was.

I have my memory, but the circumstances of that memory are so outlandish in retrospect that I've come to doubt it. It was spring 1985 towards the end of my sophomore year in high school. Me and my oldest brother, home from Brown, were driving west on Rte. 4 and something on the radio caught my ear. When we got to the store we were going to, I told him to go ahead in, I wanted to hear the rest of the song. When the song ended, the DJ announced that it was that afternoon's "perfect album side", side A of Genesis's Foxtrot.

That's suspect right there. This is the mid-80s and both Genesis and Phil Collins solo are huge. Prog rock is an unfashionable backwater (albeit still represented on radio playlists) and a major commercial New York radio station chooses side A of Foxtrot, an obscure prog album on which Phil Collins is not even the singer, as its perfect album side?! Not even side B with the epic, now-classic, 20 minute "Supper's Ready"? Wut?! (a possible explanation is that perfect album sides may have been listener requested and in this one singular moment in the history of the entire universe, it resonated with the DJ that it was a good idea.)

Anyway, it just so happened by huge coincidence a friend of my other brother had just lent him the Foxtrot LP. I had seen the album in his room and hadn't given it much attention despite the Genesis name. The album cover was rather weird. It had a gatefold sleeve with photos of the band members inside. Why were there five of them? I initially thought Peter Gabriel's picture was Phil Collins since his hair at the time, shaved three inches back, gave him a huge forehead, which squared with the 80s image of the balding Phil Collins. I was confused when I saw the actual picture of Phil Collins. Young, thin, good looking, with hair!

When I listened to the album, side A, I wasn't sure this was what I heard on the radio. To the uninitiated ear conditioned to Phil Collins' voice, the lead vocal sounded like Phil Collins. Who was this Peter Gabriel character, the supposed vocalist? When the album got to the arpeggiated keyboard solo on the last track, that unmistakably confirmed it was what I heard in the car. And although I wasn't sure I was getting it (aside from that keyboard solo, little was catchy or memorable), if I was so transfixed by it in the car, it deserved further listening, and I listened to it until Genesis became a revelation.

1971

1971 (mix CD of every year of my life series):
1. Rock and Roll (Led Zeppelin)
2. San Tropez (Pink Floyd) (audio only (official))
3. Maggie May (Rod Stewart)
4. Bitch (The Rolling Stones)
5. It's Too Late (Carole King)
6. 20th Century Man (The Kinks) (audio only (official))
7. The Musical Box (Genesis) (unofficial video) (official audio if that gets deleted)
8. Uncle Albert/Admiral Halsey (Paul McCartney) (audio only (official))
9. Trouble (Cat Stevens)
10. Life on Mars? (David Bowie)
11. Love Her Madly (The Doors) (audio only (official))
12. Me and Bobby McGee (Janis Joplin) (audio only (official))
13. Locomotive Breath (Jethro Tull)
14. Imagine (John Lennon)
15. Stairway to Heaven (Led Zeppelin) (audio only (official))
16. Won't Get Fooled Again (The Who)

1969-1970

February 21-22, Kaohsiung

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 21 - Gushan ferry and marina area. Nikon N70, Ilford XP2 Super. There's a ferry under the bridge heading to Cijin Island a few minutes away.

Kaohsiung Harbor. Ferry in the bottom pic. Hazy day.

Scenes outside Kaohsiung Harbor but within the breakwaters that help guide ships in.

There's a lighthouse atop that rock at the harbor entrance.

The British Consulate at Takao, now a tourist destination and a bit of local history. Takao is how the characters for Kaohsiung 高雄 is pronounced in Japanese and what it was called under Japanese rule. Actually I think it was originally called Takow in Chinese with different characters, and it was the Japanese who established the current Chinese characters according to the pronunciation of Takow in Japanese. After WWII the city kept those characters (directly translating to "high hero") which are pronounced Kaohsiung in Chinese.

The consulate occupied higher ground with modest panoramic views. The harbor lighthouse is more apparent in the top photo from this height.

From inside the consulate. It's a museum now with a nice cafe, popular with locals and tourists for its proximity to the water.

Gushan ferry pier.

I think all my photostrolls along the harbor include walking along the railroad.

4:29-4:30 p.m. - Pulling out my Canon digital as almost an afterthought on my way back to my uncle's. Shooting for color.

FEBRUARY 22 - Palettes. Again along the waterfront.

Railroad becoming recreational paths and art. 85 Robot building in the haze.

228 Peace Park

11:22-11:37 a.m. - Lantern Festival along Love River. Now, I know what you're thinking. It's the year of the tiger, so why is there a lantern of a giant . . . I'm pretty sure it's supposed to depict the island of Taiwan. If you look really hard, it sort of looks like Taiwan. It's lit up at night and glows. It's a vagina that GLOWS!!

Year of the tiger's prey.

Year of the very, very, very disturbing sexy tiger.

Year of the Tigger.

Giant white tiger vs. 85 Robot Building.

11:42 a.m. - Kaohsiung 228 Peace Park. Open in new tab for full size to read all the typos.

11:52 a.m. - 228 Peace Park arch photostitch.

Kaohsiung, Taiwan

It's Lunar New Year. The official part, which lasts for about 3 or 4 days, is over, and businesses are open again, but the cultural part goes on for like two weeks and then turns into a couple more weeks of the Lantern Festival.

My uncle invited me down because all of his kids, my cousins, are in town, and one has a new baby boy who I haven't met yet. I guess for that reason, I don't regret coming down, it's a nice gesture to represent, but I do regret that I booked my return to Taipei on Monday night, instead of Monday morning, or even Sunday night.

I hate hanging out with family, it's the most boring thing in the world and isolates me and makes me not want to be here even more. It emphasizes my insignificance and represents it on a sublime scale.

I sit here thinking, "What am I doing here with these people? Why did I even come?" and once I get started on those lines, it quickly turns into "What am I doing here at all on this planet? What do I mean to anyone aside from banal, socially constructed ways?"

It's hard enough for me to be social, and coming here makes it worse because it puts me in social situations where I'm not really here at all, and it's alright for me to not be social. Then I go back to situations where there isn't a language barrier, but if at any point I feel like I'm out of the conversation, I'm fully comfortable disengaging, and that's not good.

A bunch of cousins gathered tonight and as they chattered incomprehensibly, I mused about how all of them, except the two youngest ones and me, are all parents now. They're all doing the family thing now, and they're doing a pretty good job of it, I shouldn't wonder. And to them, this path is the most natural thing in the world; it never occurred to any of them not to take this path. It might be a natural human social impulse, but it is definitely part of the Chinese cultural canon.

10:29 p.m. - Three of my cousins on the left. We're all cousins to each other. On the right, a cousin's wife, my aunt and Audrey's daughter, Pie.

They would have done anything to bring this path to fruition. And if I wanted any part of it, then the past 12 years in which I haven't had a mutual attraction with anyone would be a major problem. And believe me, my bar isn't that high, there just haven't been many and the ones who were seemed to be part of God's big joke he's playing on me – "Someone is attracted to me and this is what you send?"

Like the time I was looking for an Asian American drummer to play with and the only response I got was from a Japanese American ex-con who I couldn't get out of my house fast enough?

But I looked upon this group of parents and so thoroughly did not want any part of it, and that said, it includes sex. And I think it's safe to say if you're willing to throw out the sex, you really, really don't want to be a parent. I mean as a starting point. That's a whole 'nother discussion, though, which I haven't thought out.

1970 (mix CD of every year of my life series):
1. Layla (Derek & the Dominos)
2. Freedom Rider (Traffic) (official audio)
3. Moondance (Van Morrison)
4. The Man Who Sold the World (David Bowie) (official audio)
5. Paranoid (Black Sabbath)
6. Ohio (Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young)
7. Wild World (Cat Stevens)
8. Fire and Rain (James Taylor)
9. Ripple (Grateful Dead) (official audio)
10. After the Gold Rush (Neil Young) (official audio)
11. Stagnation (Genesis) (official audio)
12. Knife Edge (Emerson, Lake & Palmer) (unofficial live video)
13. Since I've Been Loving You (Led Zeppelin) (official audio)
14. I Found Out (John Lennon/Plastic Ono Band) (official audio)
15. Maybe I'm Amazed (Paul McCartney)
16. My Sweet Lord (George Harrison) (official audio)
17. Let It Be (The Beatles) (official audio)

Tribute to the break-up of The Beatles in the last four tracks. The version of "Let It Be" is the album version, but I should have used the Past Masters version with the different guitar solo since that's the version I first heard on the "blue album".

1969:
1. Good Times Bad Times (Led Zeppelin) (official audio)
2. Everyday People (Sly & the Family Stone) (official audio)
3. Come Together (The Beatles) (official audio)
4. Proud Mary (Creedence Clearwater Revival)
5. Pinball Wizard (The Who)
6. Suite: Judy Blue Eyes (Crosby, Stills & Nash) (official audio)
7. Can't Find My Way Home (Blind Faith)
8. Honky Tonk Woman (The Rolling Stones)
9. Living in the Past (Jethro Tull)
10. Cinnamon Girl (Neil Young & Crazy Horse) (official audio)
11. The Silent Sun (Genesis) (official audio)
12. Touch Me (The Doors)
13. Hey Bulldog (The Beatles)
14. Victoria (The Kinks)
15. Heartbreaker/Livin' Lovin' Maid (She's Just a Woman) (Led Zeppelin) (official audio)
16. Funky Drummer (James Brown) (official audio)
17. 21st Century Schizoid Man (King Crimson)
18. Space Oddity (David Bowie)
19. Give Peace a Chance (John Lennon)

Rock 'n' roll roots. Most of these songs I was well familiar with in high school. The black music came a little later; FM radio in my youth was very much segregated and I grew up in white suburbia. I'm just telling it as it was, we didn't listen to black music, we weren't exposed to it. We also resisted the idea that women could rock and no one had the vocabulary to tell us that was a stupid and closed-minded notion.

Sly & the Family Stone reached my ears in college. "Everyday People" was #1 on the charts the week I was born. I'm pretty happy about that. I find it shameful that I didn't appreciate James Brown until college, but that's racism for you. If you fancy yourself a bassist and you're not introduced to James Brown, your education is deficient and your development of groove is faulty.

I feel anything I say would be re-stating the obvious, even though everything seems so much different. And nothing's different. Perspective shift recently.

So I had a bad 3 weeks in New Jersey where my intolerance of my parents re-emerged. I did my best to keep a lid on it and not express my impatience, but I don't think I could keep a rude attitude from seeping out.

Parents are getting old, it's definitely showing, they're going to die eventually, as everyone does, and I showed no sympathy or appreciation for this fact.

And I have no regrets about it.

I didn't make any special effort to connect with nephews and nieces, and I made no effort to connect with my brother in Philly. In fact, since I visited last July, I've had zero contact with him until now; didn't even call him when I got back, and only saw him because my parents drove down to see them. Nothing bad, no bad blood, just no connection; no effort. Either way.

I have no job. Eva did eventually call me, but I made no overtures or hints towards returning or wanting to return, and she took the lack of hint. I can't believe work was all it was for the past near-year. It became such a ridiculous place to work.

The newspaper's main competitor is looking for copy editors. Not that they would be impressed with my credentials, but I'm refraining from applying. Why try? I won't go back to work until I find a reason to live for – and not just survive.

I need to re-tool this blog, too, to get to my own truths.

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 10, 4:39 p.m. - Sanmin Rd. approaching Jiankang Rd.

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 11, 4:27 p.m. - Neighborhood shots.

Just been living my life. Trying to think of something to write, but I don't think there's much left. Not much left to the fairy tale. I only know the fairy tale pretty much ends the way it began, and I'd have more insight on how it will end if I could remember how it began.

Vine-to-vine, I'm back in Taiwan. That was not the most successful trip back to New Jersey as I made no further connection with nephews and nieces, and relations with siblings and in-laws regressed, rightfully, amid their own family priorities. Relations with parents had no meaning. They need to give up on me and focus their attention on ruining the grandchildren.

They need to give up on me as everyone ought to give up on me, as I've given up on me; this idea of me. Back in Taiwan. This was not part of the foreseen reality, but there was no choice in the matter. And now what?

It's fairly obvious I need to keep moving towards what I want, while decoding why I was here at all.

Just living my life.

I met up with a childhood friend while in New Jersey after connecting on Facebook. We were two of the three Asian Americans boys in our grade. I don't recall consciously attaching any meaning to that, but we gravitated towards each other. Having met up with him, he became the person I've known the longest. I have evidence that he goes back as far as fifth grade, but he likely goes all the way back to kindergarten.

We mentioned so many names of people we knew in elementary school, people in our shared memory who are now as old as we are and with experiences as varied as possibly could be imagined. People we wouldn't recognize aside from their names, but they're names we grew up with, our first friends and classmates. Somehow we don't forget them.

But he didn't stop there, we went to the same high school, which is the Facebook group through which he contacted me. We drifted apart during high school, running with different crowds – him with jocks, me with the artsy-fartsy music and theater crowd. He played lacrosse and baseball like the cool asshole kids did. I was among the misfits on the track team. The school teams were the Bulldogs, but we called ourselves the Underdogs and even got Underdog t-shirts to wear to track meets (we were such nerds, someone even knew and could sing the Underdog cartoon theme song from the 70s). NB: actually there weren't really assholes at the school, people were pretty cool. When we did "West Side Story", jocks were recruited to fill out the Jets and the Sharks, and I reckon they did at least as well on stage as I did trying not to mess up guitar and bass parts of the Bernstein score.

He returned to live in the area where we grew up and is married with kids. His parents are still there. He had a kid sister who was sometimes on the periphery when we hung out. I can't imagine her as an adult now. She was actually in the World Trade Center on Sept. 11 but managed to get out with only 30 minutes to spare before the towers collapsed. Only? I don't know what that means, time ran differently that day.

Vine-to-vine, the only reality for me now is hunting down music to get lost in. People don't mean anything. While I was in New Jersey, I started a vanity project making a mix CD for every year I've been alive comprised of my favorite songs released during each calendar year. As music is the most important thing to me, I figured that's what I should leave behind of myself in case my liver fails to live up to its name anytime in the near future.

I'm just living my life. I'm back in Taiwan. I'm not going back to that job. I'm supposed to be putting a concerted effort into learning Chinese, but what's the point of that? Where is that supposed to get me? It's all just excuse, when I should be making myself more aware of what I consider 'inevitable'.

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 2 - Parents' house. Disposable black & white camera (all).

11:58 a.m. - Suburbia photostitch, Castle and Skyline Drives, Englewood Cliffs.

1:42 p.m. - Palisades Ave. access road down the cliffs to the Englewood Boat Basin.

Background noise of growing up in an area. You totally tune out signs or they just become so normal they become nothing, meaningless. 

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 3, 12:52 p.m. - Lincoln Center.

1:35 p.m. - Strawberry Fields.

Central Park.

1:39 p.m. - Pilgrimage. The Dakota building where John Lennon lived and was murdered.

1:44 p.m. - When I was growing up, it was just the Hayden Planetarium and this building didn't exist. I think it's the Rose Center and Hayden Planetarium now. 

1:49 p.m - American Museum of Natural History. 

3:58 p.m. - Crab that looks so much like a spider it gives me the willies.

4:48 p.m. - T-Rex.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 5, 12:07 p.m. - Peavey Predator, from when it was a Strat copy.

4:46 p.m. - New York.

8:16 p.m. - Rubin Museum of (Himalayan) Art.

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 6, 5:37 p.m. - Another goodbye, New Jersey.