I don't have a problem with death. My own certainly doesn't bother me.
Other people though . . . death always has an effect, it's always something to look fiercely in the face or else why bother living.
Blogging is communication. Blogging is expression. Blogging is real life. Death is part of real life. At one point or another, it's expected to read a blog about someone dying.
Look at the people around you and appreciate them for who and what they are and hope that you won't be blogging about them anytime soon.
Friday, August 30, 2002
viva las vegas
The stamp machine at the post office gives change in only dollar coins and nickels. So one can imagine the ruckus it makes whenever it gives change back. I waited on line, planning to get my stamps, and when the change came tumbling down the chute with a clatter, I'd go, "OMG! I won! I won!", but then the damn thing didn't take my $10 bill.
The stamp machine at the post office gives change in only dollar coins and nickels. So one can imagine the ruckus it makes whenever it gives change back. I waited on line, planning to get my stamps, and when the change came tumbling down the chute with a clatter, I'd go, "OMG! I won! I won!", but then the damn thing didn't take my $10 bill.
Thursday, August 29, 2002
I can fake being cheery and optimistic for a while. Way back when, in the worst of times, I would smile just to see if I could still smile. If I could still smile then I knew that I hadn't lost yet. I was always able to. And this isn't at all as bad is was back then, this isn't bad at all. Even though the smile comes off more as a smirk now.
I'm only alcoholic in regard to volume and habit. In regard to having a problem with it or being dependent, I'm not alcoholic. It wasn't very long ago that I could have stopped with little effort. If I was motivated to stop now, I realize it would require focus and concentration, but I'm still confident I could still stop with little fanfare. I have other behaviors that would be harder to quit.
I'm only alcoholic in regard to volume and habit. In regard to having a problem with it or being dependent, I'm not alcoholic. It wasn't very long ago that I could have stopped with little effort. If I was motivated to stop now, I realize it would require focus and concentration, but I'm still confident I could still stop with little fanfare. I have other behaviors that would be harder to quit.
Monday, August 26, 2002
Genius that I am, I decided the best cure for a hangover was to ride a 12 mile course twice down near San Jose without having eaten anything. Well, I scarfed down a Power Bar right before and, as one might imagine, resulted in stomach pains for the first six miles while my stomach acids figured out what to do with it. I almost biffed it on a Volvo on a tight downhill turn. I ride pretty conservatively to compensate for not wearing a helmet (also because I'm kinda chicken), but all it takes is one lapse of concentration from fatigue or pain, and hello Volvo! I was feeling better after the first time around, so I pushed more on the second.
This 51 Bay Area rides book is great for finding new places. Today's ride started in what looked like typical peninsula winding, rolling hills backroads, but then it went through a wealthy suburban area that looked like the kind of area where my parents would choose to live. Bizarre, almost surreal. With some exception in the fauna, it could have easily been plopped down in Englewood Cliffs, NJ, and nobody would know any better. I think the town was Saratoga. I bet the trees even change color in the fall.
Driving home, I gasped. Rte. 280 was bearing northwest and the sun was deep in the afternoon sky, above the thick cottony fog that was crawling over the Santa Cruz Mts. like it was alive, and seeping into the valleys. The fringes were backlit, other parts looked like the tops of clouds, and the rest of it was dark and gloomy. For some reason it made me wish I had some family in the area.
current soundtrack - Tara Jane O'Neill - "Peregrine"
This 51 Bay Area rides book is great for finding new places. Today's ride started in what looked like typical peninsula winding, rolling hills backroads, but then it went through a wealthy suburban area that looked like the kind of area where my parents would choose to live. Bizarre, almost surreal. With some exception in the fauna, it could have easily been plopped down in Englewood Cliffs, NJ, and nobody would know any better. I think the town was Saratoga. I bet the trees even change color in the fall.
Driving home, I gasped. Rte. 280 was bearing northwest and the sun was deep in the afternoon sky, above the thick cottony fog that was crawling over the Santa Cruz Mts. like it was alive, and seeping into the valleys. The fringes were backlit, other parts looked like the tops of clouds, and the rest of it was dark and gloomy. For some reason it made me wish I had some family in the area.
current soundtrack - Tara Jane O'Neill - "Peregrine"
Saturday, August 24, 2002
Usually when I wake up at 4:30 in the morning, I can drink a cup o' water, crawl back into my comfy, still-warm bed and go back to sleep. This morning, my thoughts were too loud. Thinking about six months from now. Thinking about how I got here from there and all the characters who went through my life like a revolving door and how that probably has a lot to do with people going through my life now like a revolving door.
Thinking about how my life has no foundation, and you can't build anything without a foundation. Thinking about how I never even wanted to build anything. Thinking about this past Tuesday's Buffy re-run, the one where her reality keeps slipping between the show-reality and an alternate reality where she has been committed to a mental institution because she is schizo and her show-reality has been completely made up in her imagination and her friends and adventures are all manifestations of her mental illness.
Was I the only person who thought that, yes, that makes total sense, the entire series has been fake, and this is the real Buffy, before shaking my head remembering it's all fiction. It was mildly disturbing how the scenes in the mental institution were the most comforting. They were nothing like the ones I was in way back when, but the feelings of isolation and comfort were there. Like it was the only place I've ever felt I belonged and was a part of.
So now I'm up doing whatever I can to stop thinking, blogging to bleed into the web and blasting music through headphones. I really shouldn't be blogging at 6:00 in the morning.
current soundtrack: Shannon Wright - "Maps of Tacit"/Spitz - "Indigo Chiheisen"/Genesis - "A Trick of the Tail"
Morose:
I did not get laid off.
I am now mulling over my non-existent future. Well, no, I always consider my future non-existent, now it's just going to be dull.
A few of us went out for drinks with lunch, I think that should be a new precedent for Fridays. And from now on I'm no longer going to forego the shot of whiskey before work. I'm glad I keep razor blades in my cube. Just as like a security blankey. Completely symbolic.
I did not get laid off.
I am now mulling over my non-existent future. Well, no, I always consider my future non-existent, now it's just going to be dull.
A few of us went out for drinks with lunch, I think that should be a new precedent for Fridays. And from now on I'm no longer going to forego the shot of whiskey before work. I'm glad I keep razor blades in my cube. Just as like a security blankey. Completely symbolic.
I have more coffee memories than I can count. Coffee has been a constant companion. I can pass a coffeeshop I'd been to and remember being there, and where I sat if I stayed. If I could re-live a single semester from college, it would be the semester with Hiromi, when Amina was away in Dublin, but the only thing I remember about Hiromi is coffee. Does Gevalia ring a bell?
But if I had one coffee memory to relate, it was the time I was in "The Rise and Fall of Early Christianity" class, the one with the dynamic professor who loved to use German terms with his native Texan accent (nary a class went by without him mentioning the "jesusbewegung"). The class was in a large room in an old building, with wooden floors and the rows of seats tiered, I was a little more than halfway up on the aisle, and I had my coffee in my ever-present Oberlin Earthday mug.
And then *scheiss!!* I knock my coffee mug off the desk and it hits the floor and bursts open and coffee is everywhere. The professor continues with his lecture while I freeze wondering what to do *you can't just leave it, it's a mess, you have to clean it up*. I got up, walked down the aisle and left the lecture hall, and bingo, right there was the janitor's closet. I grabbed a mop, marched back into the room, the professor barely gives me a glance as he continues talking, I walked up the aisle, mopped up the coffee amidst a growing din of giggling, and finally, as I was walking back out to return the mop, the professor paused as the class gave me a round of applause.
But if I had one coffee memory to relate, it was the time I was in "The Rise and Fall of Early Christianity" class, the one with the dynamic professor who loved to use German terms with his native Texan accent (nary a class went by without him mentioning the "jesusbewegung"). The class was in a large room in an old building, with wooden floors and the rows of seats tiered, I was a little more than halfway up on the aisle, and I had my coffee in my ever-present Oberlin Earthday mug.
And then *scheiss!!* I knock my coffee mug off the desk and it hits the floor and bursts open and coffee is everywhere. The professor continues with his lecture while I freeze wondering what to do *you can't just leave it, it's a mess, you have to clean it up*. I got up, walked down the aisle and left the lecture hall, and bingo, right there was the janitor's closet. I grabbed a mop, marched back into the room, the professor barely gives me a glance as he continues talking, I walked up the aisle, mopped up the coffee amidst a growing din of giggling, and finally, as I was walking back out to return the mop, the professor paused as the class gave me a round of applause.
Friday, August 23, 2002
Whenever people gave notice at the firm, they would be veritably chirping their last few days. We are expecting the lay-offs to be tomorrow. This afternoon, I felt that euphoria and understood it. It's a euphoria of change, of the anticipation of not being in a place you don't want to be in anymore, which is why you gave notice. If I don't get laid-off, I will come home and shoot myself. More likely, I will come home and realize I don't have a gun and not shoot myself.
Wednesday, August 21, 2002
It Never Ceases to Amaze Me:
#1 - race
As a human being, as a sentient entity on this planet with an equal right to exist in peace as the billions of other sentient entities on this planet, nothing is more primitive than the "mindset" of looking at another human being and seeing "black" and thinking "inferior". Or looking at another human being and seeing "Mexican" and thinking "I hate". Or looking at another human being and seeing "Asian" and thinking "kill".
Primitive is the only word I can think of. OK, neanderthal, barbaric, and sub-human also come to mind, but you get the gist. It never ceases to amaze me. That need to be superior, thinking you know something, when the truth is that with every individual we encounter on the street, just by looking at them, we know absolutely nothing. Looking at person I don't know, I see a blank slate. Except for yuppies, they can get hit by a BMW SUV and I won't lose any sleep.
#2) - computer viruses
Wonderous things computers are. Wonderous is the internet. Not 20 years ago, the idea of a home computer was a novelty, a breakthrough. Not much more than 10 years ago, the internet introduced the concept of worldwide connection and electronic communication through e-mail. By any stretch of the imagination, the world wide web is a leap and a bound of human achievement and ingenuity.
Yet the first thing that pops into certain sick minds out there is, "hm, I wonder if I can come up with a program that will really fuck things up. I will call it . . . a 'virus'". It never ceases to amaze me the potential of mischief bordering on evil that lurks in our minds. Of course, porn sites came before viruses.
And then I think to myself, it's all part of the human experience. I perceive this physical reality as a level of hell (no religious affiliation intended and open to any interpretation), perhaps the highest level of hell, but nevertheless it's hell, because by existing in this physical plane, we are all suffering. We are all suffering because this is all impermanent, no matter what you try, no matter what you do, how much money you make, what accomplishments or achievements, no matter how historically immortalized you are, you will pass.
And as long as this is any level of hell, bad necessarily co-exists with good. This physical reality is the nexus plane where we have the opportunity to choose between doing good and doing evil. And I find that fascinating.
So I've been the object of racist attacks, I just got hit by a nasty computer virus, and I just look at these things and tell myself that it's all part of the experience. Aside from sucking, it is somewhat fascinating. right.
#1 - race
As a human being, as a sentient entity on this planet with an equal right to exist in peace as the billions of other sentient entities on this planet, nothing is more primitive than the "mindset" of looking at another human being and seeing "black" and thinking "inferior". Or looking at another human being and seeing "Mexican" and thinking "I hate". Or looking at another human being and seeing "Asian" and thinking "kill".
Primitive is the only word I can think of. OK, neanderthal, barbaric, and sub-human also come to mind, but you get the gist. It never ceases to amaze me. That need to be superior, thinking you know something, when the truth is that with every individual we encounter on the street, just by looking at them, we know absolutely nothing. Looking at person I don't know, I see a blank slate. Except for yuppies, they can get hit by a BMW SUV and I won't lose any sleep.
#2) - computer viruses
Wonderous things computers are. Wonderous is the internet. Not 20 years ago, the idea of a home computer was a novelty, a breakthrough. Not much more than 10 years ago, the internet introduced the concept of worldwide connection and electronic communication through e-mail. By any stretch of the imagination, the world wide web is a leap and a bound of human achievement and ingenuity.
Yet the first thing that pops into certain sick minds out there is, "hm, I wonder if I can come up with a program that will really fuck things up. I will call it . . . a 'virus'". It never ceases to amaze me the potential of mischief bordering on evil that lurks in our minds. Of course, porn sites came before viruses.
And then I think to myself, it's all part of the human experience. I perceive this physical reality as a level of hell (no religious affiliation intended and open to any interpretation), perhaps the highest level of hell, but nevertheless it's hell, because by existing in this physical plane, we are all suffering. We are all suffering because this is all impermanent, no matter what you try, no matter what you do, how much money you make, what accomplishments or achievements, no matter how historically immortalized you are, you will pass.
And as long as this is any level of hell, bad necessarily co-exists with good. This physical reality is the nexus plane where we have the opportunity to choose between doing good and doing evil. And I find that fascinating.
So I've been the object of racist attacks, I just got hit by a nasty computer virus, and I just look at these things and tell myself that it's all part of the experience. Aside from sucking, it is somewhat fascinating. right.
sent from Ray
...the truth after all those conflicting medical studies.
DIETS AND DYING
1) The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans, while the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
2) The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans, while the Italians drink large amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
3) The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
CONCLUSION FOR AVOIDING HEART ATTACKS:
Eat and drink what you like . . . stop speaking English.
...the truth after all those conflicting medical studies.
DIETS AND DYING
1) The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans, while the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
2) The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans, while the Italians drink large amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
3) The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
CONCLUSION FOR AVOIDING HEART ATTACKS:
Eat and drink what you like . . . stop speaking English.
Tuesday, August 20, 2002
the bright side:
I must say for S.F. in all of today's dreary gloriousness, as bad as I get S.A.D., I can't even remember the last day I didn't see the sun at all. Today went by like a dream, everything suppressed and surreal.
As if Sadie knew (and she doesn't), she e-mailed earlier today about coming over, then called and left a message about coming over, and against my better judgment when I'm like this, I called back and invited her over. She got my CD burner working, got it abled to burn my Cool Edit Pro tracks (waves need to be saved as Windows PCM waves), and in thanks, she went home with a CD mix and Buffy Season Two. Yes, I'm on the Buffy wagon for the duration, but I still have all of Star Trek Season Three to get me through my DVD fixes. And presumably I'll be spending more time recording shit on Cool Edit Pro.
Sadie Mix:
1. My Adidas (Versus)
2. Heart Cooks Brain (Modest Mouse)
3. Cashout (Fugazi)
4. Disposable Parts (Enon)
5. Science vs. Romance (Rilo Kiley)
6. In Particular (Blonde Redhead)
7. Speakers Push the Air (Pretty Girls Make Graves)
8. Come Into (Enon)
9. 3rd Planet (Modest Mouse)
10. For What Reason (Death Cab for Cutie)
11. Carry the Zero (Built to Spill)
12. Shoulder (Enon)
13. Without Fire (764-HERO)
14. Walkabout (Versus)
15. This Is Not (Blonde Redhead)
16. Natural Disasters (Enon)
17. Information Travels Faster (Death Cab for Cutie)
18. The Get Away (Pretty Girls Make Graves)
19. Morning Glory (Versus)
I must say for S.F. in all of today's dreary gloriousness, as bad as I get S.A.D., I can't even remember the last day I didn't see the sun at all. Today went by like a dream, everything suppressed and surreal.
As if Sadie knew (and she doesn't), she e-mailed earlier today about coming over, then called and left a message about coming over, and against my better judgment when I'm like this, I called back and invited her over. She got my CD burner working, got it abled to burn my Cool Edit Pro tracks (waves need to be saved as Windows PCM waves), and in thanks, she went home with a CD mix and Buffy Season Two. Yes, I'm on the Buffy wagon for the duration, but I still have all of Star Trek Season Three to get me through my DVD fixes. And presumably I'll be spending more time recording shit on Cool Edit Pro.
Sadie Mix:
1. My Adidas (Versus)
2. Heart Cooks Brain (Modest Mouse)
3. Cashout (Fugazi)
4. Disposable Parts (Enon)
5. Science vs. Romance (Rilo Kiley)
6. In Particular (Blonde Redhead)
7. Speakers Push the Air (Pretty Girls Make Graves)
8. Come Into (Enon)
9. 3rd Planet (Modest Mouse)
10. For What Reason (Death Cab for Cutie)
11. Carry the Zero (Built to Spill)
12. Shoulder (Enon)
13. Without Fire (764-HERO)
14. Walkabout (Versus)
15. This Is Not (Blonde Redhead)
16. Natural Disasters (Enon)
17. Information Travels Faster (Death Cab for Cutie)
18. The Get Away (Pretty Girls Make Graves)
19. Morning Glory (Versus)
Saturday, August 17, 2002
we gotta get outta this place: pt. 3
I royally suck at taking things into my own hands regarding my life. All I have to do is go to HR and say, "Hey, there are rumors going around that there are going to be lay-offs. I just want to say that there are people here who really need this job, and I'm not one of them. In fact, I might leave in the near future anyway to pursue something that utilizes my degrees to a fuller extent. So, if my name isn't on that secret list locked in your bottom drawer . . . give a second thought to the people who really need this job."
When was the last time I took things into my own hands. I quit the band, but it was more like I was pushed out because it became unbearable. If I really took things into my own hands, I would have quit a year ago. Same with the last living situation I was in. None of the schooling I did was my decision. Moving to S.F. was my idea, but it wasn't my doing, it was pursuant to going to school here, which wasn't my decision. Even this job fell into my lap and I only got it through help and connections.
I'm not very proactive with my life. I leave everything to fate and float through my existence. Let me give a little bit of advice, based on my experience. Don't do that. Be proactive about your life and take it by the horns or else you'll find yourself proactively drinking yourself to death because the currents of fate in the river of life have run you onto its rocky shores. I crack myself up.
Why am I talking about how much I suck?
I royally suck at taking things into my own hands regarding my life. All I have to do is go to HR and say, "Hey, there are rumors going around that there are going to be lay-offs. I just want to say that there are people here who really need this job, and I'm not one of them. In fact, I might leave in the near future anyway to pursue something that utilizes my degrees to a fuller extent. So, if my name isn't on that secret list locked in your bottom drawer . . . give a second thought to the people who really need this job."
When was the last time I took things into my own hands. I quit the band, but it was more like I was pushed out because it became unbearable. If I really took things into my own hands, I would have quit a year ago. Same with the last living situation I was in. None of the schooling I did was my decision. Moving to S.F. was my idea, but it wasn't my doing, it was pursuant to going to school here, which wasn't my decision. Even this job fell into my lap and I only got it through help and connections.
I'm not very proactive with my life. I leave everything to fate and float through my existence. Let me give a little bit of advice, based on my experience. Don't do that. Be proactive about your life and take it by the horns or else you'll find yourself proactively drinking yourself to death because the currents of fate in the river of life have run you onto its rocky shores. I crack myself up.
Why am I talking about how much I suck?
I was thinking of taking it easy on my bike this weekend to avoid hurting myself, but I'm feeling like doing something grueling and painful. I'm just like that. If it doesn't kill me, it will only make me stronger, but hopefully it'll kill me. Hey, there's my new motto. I like the permutation that goes, "Whatever doesn't kill you hurts really, really bad".
Friday, August 16, 2002
Most recent fortune cookie fortune: A modest man never talks of himself (in bed).
more online test results:
your Emotional IQ is 122.
This number is the result of a formula based on how many questions you answered correctly on Emode's Emotional IQ test. But your Emotional IQ score is much more than just a number: it's an indicator of success.
Research has shown that people with high emotional intelligence scores — not necessarily those with the highest IQ scores — tend to be the most valued and productive employees and have the longest and happiest romantic relationships.
So, where are you most emotionally smart? Your test results show that your strongest suit is perception — your ability to pick up on what others are feeling.
Because of this, you are unusually good at reading people's verbal and non-verbal cues. You're especially aware of the subtleties of people's actions, and can feel out the vibe of a situation better than many. That gives you an edge many wish they had.
People with high perception skills like yours, however, tend to rely on them to the exclusion of others. As a result, they sometimes have underdeveloped abilities in other realms of critical emotional intelligence like managing emotions, empathy, and being expressive.
To truly excel in life and know how to relate to different people, you need to balance out the different kinds of emotional intelligence.
Research indicates that if people who are strong in perception can work to increase their overall emotional IQ score, they can prepare themselves to handle any interpersonal exchange with amazing skill — especially by learning to be empathetic and by being able to express what it is they are feeling or trying to say.
And the good news is that people who try to improve their emotional IQ have far greater success than people who try to improve their IQ.
more online test results:
your Emotional IQ is 122.
This number is the result of a formula based on how many questions you answered correctly on Emode's Emotional IQ test. But your Emotional IQ score is much more than just a number: it's an indicator of success.
Research has shown that people with high emotional intelligence scores — not necessarily those with the highest IQ scores — tend to be the most valued and productive employees and have the longest and happiest romantic relationships.
So, where are you most emotionally smart? Your test results show that your strongest suit is perception — your ability to pick up on what others are feeling.
Because of this, you are unusually good at reading people's verbal and non-verbal cues. You're especially aware of the subtleties of people's actions, and can feel out the vibe of a situation better than many. That gives you an edge many wish they had.
People with high perception skills like yours, however, tend to rely on them to the exclusion of others. As a result, they sometimes have underdeveloped abilities in other realms of critical emotional intelligence like managing emotions, empathy, and being expressive.
To truly excel in life and know how to relate to different people, you need to balance out the different kinds of emotional intelligence.
Research indicates that if people who are strong in perception can work to increase their overall emotional IQ score, they can prepare themselves to handle any interpersonal exchange with amazing skill — especially by learning to be empathetic and by being able to express what it is they are feeling or trying to say.
And the good news is that people who try to improve their emotional IQ have far greater success than people who try to improve their IQ.
Thursday, August 15, 2002
An Old Chestnut (with a few updates):
A Guide to Political Ideologies
FEUDALISM
You have 2 cows. Your Lord takes some of the milk.
FASCISM
You have 2 cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows. Your neighbors help take care of them and you all share the milk.
APPLIED COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows. You have to take care of them but the government takes all the milk.
DICTATORSHIP
You have 2 cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
MILITARISM
You have 2 cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
TOTALITARIANISM
You have 2 cows. The government takes both and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
PURE DEMOCRACY
You have 2 cows. You and your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY
You have 2 cows. You and your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
NIGERIAN DEMOCRACY
You have 2 cows. The government takes both, shoots you and sends the cows to Zurich.
AMERICAN DEMOCRACY
The government promises to give you 2 cows if you vote for them. After the election the President is impeached for speculating in Cow futures. The Press dubs the affair “Cowgate”. The cows sue you for breach of contract.
BRITISH DEMOCRATIC SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows. You feed them sheep’s brains and they go mad. The government doesn’t do anything.
EUROPEAN DEMOCRACY
You have 2 cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one and milks the other, pouring the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms regarding the missing cows.
SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY
You have 2 cows. The government fines you for keeping 2 unlicensed farm animals.
MALAYSIAN DEMOCRACY
You have two cows. The government confiscates your cows, gives you a donkey and takes you for a ride.
CAPITALISM
You have 2 cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
HONG KONG CAPITALISM
You have 2 cows. You sell 3 of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all 4 cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping 5 cows. The milk rights of 6 cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company, secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the milk rights to all 7 cows back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns 8 cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the 2 cows because of bad Feng-Shui.
A Guide to Political Ideologies
FEUDALISM
You have 2 cows. Your Lord takes some of the milk.
FASCISM
You have 2 cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows. Your neighbors help take care of them and you all share the milk.
APPLIED COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows. You have to take care of them but the government takes all the milk.
DICTATORSHIP
You have 2 cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
MILITARISM
You have 2 cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
TOTALITARIANISM
You have 2 cows. The government takes both and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
PURE DEMOCRACY
You have 2 cows. You and your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY
You have 2 cows. You and your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
NIGERIAN DEMOCRACY
You have 2 cows. The government takes both, shoots you and sends the cows to Zurich.
AMERICAN DEMOCRACY
The government promises to give you 2 cows if you vote for them. After the election the President is impeached for speculating in Cow futures. The Press dubs the affair “Cowgate”. The cows sue you for breach of contract.
BRITISH DEMOCRATIC SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows. You feed them sheep’s brains and they go mad. The government doesn’t do anything.
EUROPEAN DEMOCRACY
You have 2 cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one and milks the other, pouring the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms regarding the missing cows.
SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY
You have 2 cows. The government fines you for keeping 2 unlicensed farm animals.
MALAYSIAN DEMOCRACY
You have two cows. The government confiscates your cows, gives you a donkey and takes you for a ride.
CAPITALISM
You have 2 cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
HONG KONG CAPITALISM
You have 2 cows. You sell 3 of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all 4 cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping 5 cows. The milk rights of 6 cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company, secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the milk rights to all 7 cows back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns 8 cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the 2 cows because of bad Feng-Shui.
Tuesday, August 13, 2002
I don't feel bad about getting so little done at work while boss-lady is out this week. We have impending lay-offs looming over us, and as much as I would love to get laid-off, I have my doubts about whether I will or what I will do if I don't.
Boss-lady has been avoiding me since the rumors started, and whenever she avoids me, I don't work as much. That whole time period from January to June, when she was avoiding me to avoid the Ms. Case Manager issue, I barely got anything done. Whenever she paid attention to me, I worked. Segue into . . .
More online test results:
What Drives You? How You are Motivated to Take Action: Connection
"Based on your answers about values, past behaviors, and internal priorities, we can tell you are most fulfilled when you're interacting with others. You connect to the world through your connections with people. For this reason, you seek social attention and are apt to join groups and organizations, either formal or informal.
"You, more than others, look for ways to belong to a group, to have fun, to care for others, and occasionally, to be the center of attention. You thrive when you see the opportunity to interact with friends, colleagues, and family, and you tend to want to soak up everything you can about people and relationships. Perhaps it's because you recognize that learning about interpersonal dynamics will, in turn, make you a better person — more caring, more empathetic and more honest with yourself.
"Working to better yourself as you go through life is a powerful goal. And it can be more easily attained if you can learn how Connection, your key motivator, can guide you to live a fully enriched life."
As much as I profess to be anti-social and not care whether I have friends are not, all of this is very true. I'm just morbidly dysfunctional.
Boss-lady has been avoiding me since the rumors started, and whenever she avoids me, I don't work as much. That whole time period from January to June, when she was avoiding me to avoid the Ms. Case Manager issue, I barely got anything done. Whenever she paid attention to me, I worked. Segue into . . .
More online test results:
What Drives You? How You are Motivated to Take Action: Connection
"Based on your answers about values, past behaviors, and internal priorities, we can tell you are most fulfilled when you're interacting with others. You connect to the world through your connections with people. For this reason, you seek social attention and are apt to join groups and organizations, either formal or informal.
"You, more than others, look for ways to belong to a group, to have fun, to care for others, and occasionally, to be the center of attention. You thrive when you see the opportunity to interact with friends, colleagues, and family, and you tend to want to soak up everything you can about people and relationships. Perhaps it's because you recognize that learning about interpersonal dynamics will, in turn, make you a better person — more caring, more empathetic and more honest with yourself.
"Working to better yourself as you go through life is a powerful goal. And it can be more easily attained if you can learn how Connection, your key motivator, can guide you to live a fully enriched life."
As much as I profess to be anti-social and not care whether I have friends are not, all of this is very true. I'm just morbidly dysfunctional.
My weblog turned six months old yesterday. Do I have any regrets? Not really, it's doing what it's supposed to be doing. I wish I could communicate more with less words, but that's not my poor weblog's fault.
Am I too halla old to be doing this? Probably. But there are people older than me doing this, but their weblogs are all political and satirical and mature. Mine's is just . . . you know, whatever. Did I really just write "halla"?
It's nice having a web presence. It fascinates me, the enormous flow of ideas and thoughts people are letting loose into cyberspace, realizing these are all lives. So many people, so much going on, and the amount of bloggers worldwide still must only be a tiny fraction of the world's population, since the majority probably can't afford computers or the leisure to blog.
I think I'm giving this weblog about another six months and then kill it and start a new one. Why? That's kind of the way I treat my life, so it feels kind of natural to put an end-date on my weblog. Whether it happens or not is a totally different story. Usually not. It's habit. It's my nature. And you can't get away from your own nature.
I remember reading on someone's weblog that he was considering killing his blog. Someone commented, "Would you kill your own child?", and someone responded, "If it was stupid and ugly I would". I thought that was funny.
Am I too halla old to be doing this? Probably. But there are people older than me doing this, but their weblogs are all political and satirical and mature. Mine's is just . . . you know, whatever. Did I really just write "halla"?
It's nice having a web presence. It fascinates me, the enormous flow of ideas and thoughts people are letting loose into cyberspace, realizing these are all lives. So many people, so much going on, and the amount of bloggers worldwide still must only be a tiny fraction of the world's population, since the majority probably can't afford computers or the leisure to blog.
I think I'm giving this weblog about another six months and then kill it and start a new one. Why? That's kind of the way I treat my life, so it feels kind of natural to put an end-date on my weblog. Whether it happens or not is a totally different story. Usually not. It's habit. It's my nature. And you can't get away from your own nature.
I remember reading on someone's weblog that he was considering killing his blog. Someone commented, "Would you kill your own child?", and someone responded, "If it was stupid and ugly I would". I thought that was funny.
Monday, August 12, 2002
Dear Lord, forgive me for I am weak, and the complainer posted another survey that I could not resist (abridged):
1. What celebrity do you feel you most resemble? Russ Wong, Bruce Lee, Margaret Cho, Kelly Hu, Jackie Chan, Jet Li, Chow Yun Fat, Hoshi Sato, Hello Kitty, they all look the same.
2. What celebrity does everyone else think you resemble? See above.
3. Who is your most hated celebrity? Julia Roberts and Tom Hanks.
4. Who was your best lay? Ooh, if I said, I'd burn in hell, but the name comes up regularly in these surveys I take and starts with an S or an A.
5. Who do you miss to this day even though they will never be in your life again? Amina and Shiho.
6. Who do you still hate from your non-adult years? Only the nameless, faceless racist fuckers living in suburbia New Jersey.
11. What is one of your secret obsessions? And "secret" is defined . . . how?
12. Favorite color scheme? Orange and blue.
13. Worst crime you ever commited, law wise? Trespassing, speeding, murder, jay-walking.
14. What is the worst thing you ever did to another person? Can't disclose it, except to say a trip to the hospital was involved. I was fine, thank you.
12. What's the cheeziest poser thing you ever did as a new person to the alternative world? Nothing. I know, cheezy. Embarassing but true.
13. How often do you pretend to like people you hate? Hello?! I work at an OFFICE JOB!!!!
14. What's your worst traits? languishing in pathetic, sorry-ass indecisiveness.
15. What are your best traits? I have a job.
1. What celebrity do you feel you most resemble? Russ Wong, Bruce Lee, Margaret Cho, Kelly Hu, Jackie Chan, Jet Li, Chow Yun Fat, Hoshi Sato, Hello Kitty, they all look the same.
2. What celebrity does everyone else think you resemble? See above.
3. Who is your most hated celebrity? Julia Roberts and Tom Hanks.
4. Who was your best lay? Ooh, if I said, I'd burn in hell, but the name comes up regularly in these surveys I take and starts with an S or an A.
5. Who do you miss to this day even though they will never be in your life again? Amina and Shiho.
6. Who do you still hate from your non-adult years? Only the nameless, faceless racist fuckers living in suburbia New Jersey.
11. What is one of your secret obsessions? And "secret" is defined . . . how?
12. Favorite color scheme? Orange and blue.
13. Worst crime you ever commited, law wise? Trespassing, speeding, murder, jay-walking.
14. What is the worst thing you ever did to another person? Can't disclose it, except to say a trip to the hospital was involved. I was fine, thank you.
12. What's the cheeziest poser thing you ever did as a new person to the alternative world? Nothing. I know, cheezy. Embarassing but true.
13. How often do you pretend to like people you hate? Hello?! I work at an OFFICE JOB!!!!
14. What's your worst traits? languishing in pathetic, sorry-ass indecisiveness.
15. What are your best traits? I have a job.
Saturday, August 10, 2002
It was a hot day today. Maybe hotter than any other day this season. I headed off in the evening to get a ticket for Sleater-Kinney/Shannon Wright at the Fillmore. It was gorgeous. Glorious.
I so very rarely get on my bike and ride casually, but the warm air was just so relaxing. People were hanging out on sidewalks, apartment windows were open, you could see into apartments, hear music blaring out of windows. There's an openness to warm weather.
Days like this are rare. Usually the fog rolls in and it's chilly and cold. People scurry and hurry from one place to the next. When they get home they go inside and shut their doors and their windows. Shut themselves in, shut you out.
On the other hand, I fear I'm acclimating to this city. I ride my bike everywhere, when I ride, I heat up. In another city, it might be too hot to ride. In this city, it's perfect. Even if it's chilly, I warm up comfortably when I ride.
In another city, winters are too cold. Here, it's perfect unless it's raining. I need to get out of this city. I don't want to be condemned to living in a city perfect for my lifestyle that doesn't have the four distinct seasons I'm used to and love.
I so very rarely get on my bike and ride casually, but the warm air was just so relaxing. People were hanging out on sidewalks, apartment windows were open, you could see into apartments, hear music blaring out of windows. There's an openness to warm weather.
Days like this are rare. Usually the fog rolls in and it's chilly and cold. People scurry and hurry from one place to the next. When they get home they go inside and shut their doors and their windows. Shut themselves in, shut you out.
On the other hand, I fear I'm acclimating to this city. I ride my bike everywhere, when I ride, I heat up. In another city, it might be too hot to ride. In this city, it's perfect. Even if it's chilly, I warm up comfortably when I ride.
In another city, winters are too cold. Here, it's perfect unless it's raining. I need to get out of this city. I don't want to be condemned to living in a city perfect for my lifestyle that doesn't have the four distinct seasons I'm used to and love.
Woohoo! Boss is out, I'm hoping to get laid-off, it's a warm, sunny Friday . . .
. . . time to get to know me better! (Quiz courtesy of the complainer):
1. I call myself: Yes. I sometimes call myself and leave a message on my machine to remind me to do something.
2. I am this old: 33 (biological); 64 (lifespan); 23 (maturity)
5. My favorite thing to drink is: alcohol!
6. My favorite food is: lasagna!
7. I am this tall: 5'5.75"
8. When I get up in the morning the first thing I do is: tell myself over and over that it is going to be a good day, really, it is going to be a good day.
9. The last thing I do before I go to bed is: turn off the lights, duh!
Shower Time!
1. I take baths or showers: showers
5. I use a comb or a brush: both, I'm so vain, I bet I think this song is about me.
6. I blow dry my hair or let it air dry: blow dry. I hate being wet. Unless it's sweaty and with someone else. Anyone wanna go for a run?
7. My toothpaste is: Menthadent or Colgate
8. My toothbrush color is: blue and orange, Mets represent, yo!
9. I like hot or cold showers: Hot showers when it's cold, cold showers when it's hot. I'm a very, very logical, rational person.
10. What I think about in the shower: the meow mix song (meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow . . . you know the tune, everybody sing!)
11. My least favorite thing about the shower is: trying to get those hard to reach places.
Primary School
1. My mom drove me to school or I rode the bus: Walked! We were called "walkers". Parents never drove me. They had already left for work by the time we had to go. I was a latch-key kid.
3. My favorite teacher was: I think it'd have to be Mr. Lesh, the music (band) teacher. I played trombone.
4. My least favorite teacher was: Mrs. Haft (5th grade), the one who started probing into my childhood trauma and neglect. I neglected a lot of things when I was a child.
6. My favorite field trip was to: Museum of Natural History/Hayden Planetarium
7. What I remember most about primary school is: nothing I remember "most". More like a memory slideshow.
High School
1. My favorite subject in high school is/was: didn't have one
5. My favorite activity in high school: Jazz/Rock
6: I was in the band and I played: bass in Jazz/Rock; double bass in orchestra and the pit.
8. I was in this school play(s): only pit orchestras for numerous musicals
9. I was in this crowd at school: music/theater/track geeks
10. I had detention this many times: zero, we didn't have detention.
11. I drove to school: sometimes
12. I skipped class this many times: I didn't, I was a good boy. Can I get a treat?
13. I was always late for class: nope
16. I went to prom with: Shiho Nakai
17. I went to this many football games: none, I was a track misfit.
18. My favorite field trip was: track meets. Invitationals were always fun track and field trips.
19. I was in the principal's office this many times: we had a "Headmaster", not a principal. And none, not that type of school.
Music
1. My first cassette I bought was: "Tommy" movie soundtrack. But I was so young my oldest brother may have done the actual purchasing. At Bergen Mall on Rte. 4, NJ in my memory.
2. My first CD I bought was: Kate Bush - "The Dreaming" probably
3. I at one time owned records/or still do: still do in New Jersey.
4. My favorite band is: Genesis, Modest Mouse, Versus, Throwing Muses
5. My favorite female singer is: Kristin Hersh (Throwing Muses)
6. My favorite male singer is: Peter Gabriel
Misc.
1. I still write letters and mail them out: only to Madoka at this point.
2. I spend this much time online a day: way, way too much.
4. I want to travel to: Scotland, France, Japan, Taiwan
5. My favorite phrase is: "It occurred to me . . . "
6. my favorite quote: "In this life that we call home/The years go fast/And the days go so slow" - I. Brock (Modest Mouse)
8. I live in a: nightmare
10. My most treasured item is: my A bike (red Peugeot); my amber Spector bass; and my blueberry Yamaha Beech Customs which I might sell soon because I suck and I don't have anywhere to play them.
11. My goals in life are: dying young and soon. I hate unattainable goals.
12. My favorite sport to watch is: baseball
13. The friend I couldn't live without: Amina Chaudhri
14. I'm so happy I met: Amina Chaudhri
15. I miss this person the most: Amina Chaudhri (or Shiho Nakai)
18. I have the most fun hanging out with this person: Kateri, Katie, Elizabeth (they were all just by my cube).
20. This person makes me laugh a lot: me! Hahahahaha!
25. This is on my walls: Audrey, Audrey, Audrey! (my brother: "What's up with all the Audrey?"). Audrey reminds me of Amina Chaudhri. My cousin was named after Audrey Hepburn.
26. I'm a sucker for: lollipops and sad-sack cases
27. I couldn't live without this: exacto knife, I'd kill myself without it.
29. The thing that drives me completely crazy is: my utter lack of sanity
30. The best thing about my life is: appreciation for nice weather, the music I like, good memories behind me.
34. This makes me nervous/stressed out/upset: not dying
35. My favorite scent is: sandlewood incense.
36. My favorite place to go when I want to be alone: cemetery
37. This was the longest thing I have ever done: No, I've done longer things. I've even done surveys that were longer, believe it or not.
Friday, August 09, 2002
Tiananmen Square: Part I
Many Americans know what happened on June 4, 1989 in Tiananmen Square, Beijing, China. However, not a whole lot of Americans know that 10 months earlier, on August 8, 1988, almost the exact same scenario played out in Rangoon, Burma, with almost exactly the same estimated number of pro-democracy demonstrators killed – somewhere in the 3,000 range. The reason why the images from Tiananmen Square were beamed worldwide, and 8-8-88 went virtually unnoticed outside the region may be the political and economic insignificance of Burma, as opposed to China.
The history of post-colonial Burma is particularly tragic, considering how much potential the country had, and Burma has been ruled by dictators for most of it. The numerous non-Burman ethnic groups (the Burman ethnic group is the largest and the reason for the country's name) rose up in armed insurgencies against the dictatorships, and although many of the insurgent groups signed cease-fire agreements over the past decade, some are still fighting. These count for the longest armed insurgencies in the history of the world, and has necessitated the military government to spend more than 40% on its armed forces. This is a country with no external enemies.
After 8-8-88, General Ne Win, who had been dictator since 1962, stepped down, and the dictatorship was replaced by a brutal military junta, called SLORC (a name worthy of a criminal organization in a James Bond movie). The country reached incredible social and economic lows during Ne Win's reign, and in SLORC's attempt to gain international legitimacy after 8-8-88, they renamed the country "Myanmar" (and the capital "Yangkon"), decided to develop the country on the backs and at the expense of the people, and stepped up the military campaign to quash the insurgencies, also at the expense of the people. The SLORC junta, renamed to a less ominous SPDC in 1998, has violated just about every human right on the books, and has been under U.N. sanctions for human rights abuses every year since 1988.
Aung San Suu Kyi: in brief
She is the daughter of General Aung San, whose assassination during the process of ending British colonization precipitated the downward spiral the country fell into. He was one of few who realized that for Burma to succeed, the ethnic groups needed to be included and participate in the central government.
Aung San Suu Kyi came to prominence as the leader of the National League for Democracy (NLD) political party after 8-8-88. As part of SLORC's grab for international legitimacy, they decided to hold general elections in 1990. What made SLORC think they could win is beyond imagination, and the NLD won over 80% of the vote. SLORC dismissed the results and maintained their hold on power, arresting Aung San Suu Kyi and members of the NLD.
Aung San Suu Kyi is a Nobel Peace Prize winner for her non-violent resistance. U2 dedicated the song "Walk On" to her. The album "All That You Can't Leave Behind" has been banned in Burma.
Many Americans know what happened on June 4, 1989 in Tiananmen Square, Beijing, China. However, not a whole lot of Americans know that 10 months earlier, on August 8, 1988, almost the exact same scenario played out in Rangoon, Burma, with almost exactly the same estimated number of pro-democracy demonstrators killed – somewhere in the 3,000 range. The reason why the images from Tiananmen Square were beamed worldwide, and 8-8-88 went virtually unnoticed outside the region may be the political and economic insignificance of Burma, as opposed to China.
The history of post-colonial Burma is particularly tragic, considering how much potential the country had, and Burma has been ruled by dictators for most of it. The numerous non-Burman ethnic groups (the Burman ethnic group is the largest and the reason for the country's name) rose up in armed insurgencies against the dictatorships, and although many of the insurgent groups signed cease-fire agreements over the past decade, some are still fighting. These count for the longest armed insurgencies in the history of the world, and has necessitated the military government to spend more than 40% on its armed forces. This is a country with no external enemies.
After 8-8-88, General Ne Win, who had been dictator since 1962, stepped down, and the dictatorship was replaced by a brutal military junta, called SLORC (a name worthy of a criminal organization in a James Bond movie). The country reached incredible social and economic lows during Ne Win's reign, and in SLORC's attempt to gain international legitimacy after 8-8-88, they renamed the country "Myanmar" (and the capital "Yangkon"), decided to develop the country on the backs and at the expense of the people, and stepped up the military campaign to quash the insurgencies, also at the expense of the people. The SLORC junta, renamed to a less ominous SPDC in 1998, has violated just about every human right on the books, and has been under U.N. sanctions for human rights abuses every year since 1988.
Aung San Suu Kyi: in brief
She is the daughter of General Aung San, whose assassination during the process of ending British colonization precipitated the downward spiral the country fell into. He was one of few who realized that for Burma to succeed, the ethnic groups needed to be included and participate in the central government.
Aung San Suu Kyi came to prominence as the leader of the National League for Democracy (NLD) political party after 8-8-88. As part of SLORC's grab for international legitimacy, they decided to hold general elections in 1990. What made SLORC think they could win is beyond imagination, and the NLD won over 80% of the vote. SLORC dismissed the results and maintained their hold on power, arresting Aung San Suu Kyi and members of the NLD.
Aung San Suu Kyi is a Nobel Peace Prize winner for her non-violent resistance. U2 dedicated the song "Walk On" to her. The album "All That You Can't Leave Behind" has been banned in Burma.
WordsCharactersReading time
Thursday, August 08, 2002
I'm glad I'm not the only one with a not-so-good relationship with my blog. I just realized, though, that my not-so-good relationship with my blog is telling in itself. All of us having not-so-good relationships with our blogs do so for our own reasons. Mine is a lack of connection. Lack of connection with my own baby blog which is indicative of the lack of connection with my own life.
I look at my life around me and it's a desolate wasteland because I can't connect with it anymore. I've over stayed my welcome in this reality, this incarnation, and it's not even real anymore. I can't convey me in/into/on my own life, it's no wonder I'm not connecting with my blog, a purported means of expression. My blog is too noisy. It's white noise. A static panic.
current soundtrack: downloaded Modest Mouse bootleg.
The universe works on a math equation
that never even ever really even ends in the end
Infinity spirals our creation
We're on the tip of its tongue and it is saying,
'Well,
we ain't sure where you stand
You ain't machine and you ain't land'
And the plants and the animals they are linked
And the plants and the animals eat each other
- "Never Ending Math Equation" (Modest Mouse)
Tuesday, August 06, 2002
Two days, two complete strangers yell something at me about not wearing a helmet. What is it with helmet-nazis that requires them to impose their self-righteous, condescending opinion, guised as concern, about wearing a helmet on total strangers? Do they think their comment is going to make me go, "oh, a helmet, what a grand idea. I never thought about it. I will head straightways to my local cyclery to procure one".
Not wearing a helmet is my choice and I don't give a fuck who thinks it's a stupid choice. They're pretty stupid yelling petty comments about wearing a helmet to a complete stranger thinking they're going to change something. My reasons for my choice are nobody's business.
I don't mind it when people who know me lecture me about wearing a helmet, but complete strangers are stupid. Mind your own business, you nazi.
This time I've fallen
And this time, don't you catch me
'Cos I say what I say, and I do what I do
So just say what I say and do what I do
- "Double Suicide (Mercy Killing)" (Versus)
Monday, August 05, 2002
+ The Tour de Peninsula ROCKED!! But I am suffering dearly (33 miles, 1hr 57min, 16.7mph average).
+ Most other cycling events require helmets. If I want to do other cycling events, I will need to get a helmet. Anyone know where I can pick up an old WWI German Kaiser helmet? The kind with the little arrow on top. Presumably to head-butt the enemy if all else has failed.
+ Are there people who don't find the porta-potty experience unpleasant? I'm sure there are ("Porta-potties aren't that bad. I sorta like them").
+ Are there people who don't mind the smell of porta-potty on their clothes after the third time? I'm sure there are.
+ It's been a while since I've seen a car with an Oberlin sticker. Today I saw a brand new Volkswagen with an Oberlin College license plate frame with an Ohio bicentennial license plate.
+ Feeling overwhelmed by blog. Need to breathe, remember to breathe, breeaaattthe!!!
current soundtrack: Enon - "High Society"
+ Most other cycling events require helmets. If I want to do other cycling events, I will need to get a helmet. Anyone know where I can pick up an old WWI German Kaiser helmet? The kind with the little arrow on top. Presumably to head-butt the enemy if all else has failed.
+ Are there people who don't find the porta-potty experience unpleasant? I'm sure there are ("Porta-potties aren't that bad. I sorta like them").
+ Are there people who don't mind the smell of porta-potty on their clothes after the third time? I'm sure there are.
+ It's been a while since I've seen a car with an Oberlin sticker. Today I saw a brand new Volkswagen with an Oberlin College license plate frame with an Ohio bicentennial license plate.
+ Feeling overwhelmed by blog. Need to breathe, remember to breathe, breeaaattthe!!!
current soundtrack: Enon - "High Society"
Sunday, August 04, 2002
I got a hankering today to maybe start auditioning again. I had stopped after a string of rejections and a crisis of confidence. So I pulled out Fiction's demo to see how I felt about my playing.
I listened to the demo once in March and thought the drumming was horrible, unlistenable except to review how poor my feel is. Months removed, however, the drumming on this demo is . . . still not a confidence builder.
The engineer had minimal experience recording drums, and it shows. He didn't compress the snare enough or put reverb on it so it sounds like shit. There's no bigger dampener on a young man's ardor than a wimpy snare, the backbone of the beat. What should sound like a pile driver on rock in a cavern, sounds like a pencil hitting cardboard in an office cube.
The engineering didn't capture how I sound at all, but the playing itself reveals how bad my "feel" is. Instead of feeling as steady as a confident walk down the street wearing hobnail boots, the feel is more like trying to walk across a ship deck in the middle of a storm. If my feel is so lacking as it is on this demo, then it's no wonder I've been rejected so many times.
Why am I writing about how much I suck?
I listened to the demo once in March and thought the drumming was horrible, unlistenable except to review how poor my feel is. Months removed, however, the drumming on this demo is . . . still not a confidence builder.
The engineer had minimal experience recording drums, and it shows. He didn't compress the snare enough or put reverb on it so it sounds like shit. There's no bigger dampener on a young man's ardor than a wimpy snare, the backbone of the beat. What should sound like a pile driver on rock in a cavern, sounds like a pencil hitting cardboard in an office cube.
The engineering didn't capture how I sound at all, but the playing itself reveals how bad my "feel" is. Instead of feeling as steady as a confident walk down the street wearing hobnail boots, the feel is more like trying to walk across a ship deck in the middle of a storm. If my feel is so lacking as it is on this demo, then it's no wonder I've been rejected so many times.
Why am I writing about how much I suck?
Wish that I could leave my room tonight
The fast attack on my compressor's way too bright
Think I got the threshold on too tight
Just restart and hope that everything will be alright
"Offline P.K." - Pinback
The fast attack on my compressor's way too bright
Think I got the threshold on too tight
Just restart and hope that everything will be alright
"Offline P.K." - Pinback
Saturday, August 03, 2002
The Ultimate Personality Test: Know The Real You (uh, yea)
(brought to you by emode)
"Personality is actually determined by two personality sub-types — your primary, or dominant sub-type, and your secondary sub-type.
"You are an Observer which means you are a Discreet/Golden. Your primary sub-type is defined by "Discreet" characteristics and your secondary sub-type is defined by "Golden" characteristics.
"That means you're even keel and don't care about drawing attention to yourself. Chances are you're more than willing to sit back and simply go with the flow. You're a born mediator and get along in most situations by relying on your unusually sensitive intuition.
"How do we know all this? How do we know that you're probably not into serious soul searching? How could we have divined that at a party, you prefer to sit on the couch and watch the spectacle instead of being an active participant?
"Because while you were taking the test, you answered four different types of questions — questions that measured confidence, apprehension, willingness to take risks, and your focus on experience versus appearance — the primary traits that determine your personality.
"Based on your responses, we determined your personality type, Observer.
"And that's just scratching the surface."
I've always said that it's OK to treat life as a spectator sport.
(brought to you by emode)
"Personality is actually determined by two personality sub-types — your primary, or dominant sub-type, and your secondary sub-type.
"You are an Observer which means you are a Discreet/Golden. Your primary sub-type is defined by "Discreet" characteristics and your secondary sub-type is defined by "Golden" characteristics.
"That means you're even keel and don't care about drawing attention to yourself. Chances are you're more than willing to sit back and simply go with the flow. You're a born mediator and get along in most situations by relying on your unusually sensitive intuition.
"How do we know all this? How do we know that you're probably not into serious soul searching? How could we have divined that at a party, you prefer to sit on the couch and watch the spectacle instead of being an active participant?
"Because while you were taking the test, you answered four different types of questions — questions that measured confidence, apprehension, willingness to take risks, and your focus on experience versus appearance — the primary traits that determine your personality.
"Based on your responses, we determined your personality type, Observer.
"And that's just scratching the surface."
I've always said that it's OK to treat life as a spectator sport.
Friday, August 02, 2002
we gotta get outta this place: pt. 2
Businesses like their workers to be productive. A key personnel issue for companies is worker productivity. So if the aforementioned worker was more productive coming in late and then staying late, whose business is it aside from the direct manager?
HR got involved and demanded that he arrive at 8:30 and leave at 5:00, but if he's not functional for the first hour and a half here, his productivity is low, and then at 4:30 his productivity wanes because he's watching the clock because, dammit, he's leaving right at 5:00.
The corporate response is that if they were lax about it towards everyone, people might start taking advantage of it. But that's what the direct managers are for. If they notice a decline in work product or work ethic, they should intervene.
But when HR acts as the fascist arm of the business and trumps the power of the direct manager, everyone's morale goes down because it's a shit place to work. poor morale = poor productivity. Do I speak the truth?
Businesses like their workers to be productive. A key personnel issue for companies is worker productivity. So if the aforementioned worker was more productive coming in late and then staying late, whose business is it aside from the direct manager?
HR got involved and demanded that he arrive at 8:30 and leave at 5:00, but if he's not functional for the first hour and a half here, his productivity is low, and then at 4:30 his productivity wanes because he's watching the clock because, dammit, he's leaving right at 5:00.
The corporate response is that if they were lax about it towards everyone, people might start taking advantage of it. But that's what the direct managers are for. If they notice a decline in work product or work ethic, they should intervene.
But when HR acts as the fascist arm of the business and trumps the power of the direct manager, everyone's morale goes down because it's a shit place to work. poor morale = poor productivity. Do I speak the truth?
Another article about blogging.
Again, the question of what are we doing? Why blog? I found the categorization of blogs interesting. Instead of asking ourselves what are we doing, we're totally free game for people to read our blogs and be categorized from the outside: what are they doing? Is it a political blog? Is it a sports blog? An "everyday minutiae" blog? A pithy observation and insight into everday life blog? An arts & culture blog? A creative expose blog?
It's actually kind of offensive. *getting on soapbox* It's the same categorization and pigeon-holing that society uses to dehumanize us by simplifying us into a subset of words and descriptions that completely misses the point of our "big picture" that we feel we are when we post entries.
When I'm described as "Asian" in this country, I feel deep in my gut that something is missing in that descriptive. And when I'm abroad and called "American", there's something missing there, too. It also misses our own values that go into valid descriptives. I don't mind being called a drummer, bassist, runner (former), or cyclist, but don't call me a lawyer, even though I technically am one by virtue of having a JD.
Ironically, at the same time that it bothers me that someone else might be categorizing my weblog without knowing a stitch about me, it strikes me like a bolt of lightning what category I would personally place my weblog.
This is a mental health weblog. Regardless of what I'm posting on a daily basis, the subtext to whatever I express is my mental health and its subtle, ongoing deterioration. I don't know when it started. Probably before I first dealt with the mental health system when I started high school, but definitely since then, everything that has been my expression has been sourced in mental health issues.
I've got a pretty good front and fight going on, but the inevitable is just that. You can't run away from yourself forever. But I love it how running away is simultaneously killing me and keeping me alive. Story of my life. *gets off soapbox and twiddles thumbs*
Again, the question of what are we doing? Why blog? I found the categorization of blogs interesting. Instead of asking ourselves what are we doing, we're totally free game for people to read our blogs and be categorized from the outside: what are they doing? Is it a political blog? Is it a sports blog? An "everyday minutiae" blog? A pithy observation and insight into everday life blog? An arts & culture blog? A creative expose blog?
It's actually kind of offensive. *getting on soapbox* It's the same categorization and pigeon-holing that society uses to dehumanize us by simplifying us into a subset of words and descriptions that completely misses the point of our "big picture" that we feel we are when we post entries.
When I'm described as "Asian" in this country, I feel deep in my gut that something is missing in that descriptive. And when I'm abroad and called "American", there's something missing there, too. It also misses our own values that go into valid descriptives. I don't mind being called a drummer, bassist, runner (former), or cyclist, but don't call me a lawyer, even though I technically am one by virtue of having a JD.
Ironically, at the same time that it bothers me that someone else might be categorizing my weblog without knowing a stitch about me, it strikes me like a bolt of lightning what category I would personally place my weblog.
This is a mental health weblog. Regardless of what I'm posting on a daily basis, the subtext to whatever I express is my mental health and its subtle, ongoing deterioration. I don't know when it started. Probably before I first dealt with the mental health system when I started high school, but definitely since then, everything that has been my expression has been sourced in mental health issues.
I've got a pretty good front and fight going on, but the inevitable is just that. You can't run away from yourself forever. But I love it how running away is simultaneously killing me and keeping me alive. Story of my life. *gets off soapbox and twiddles thumbs*
URGH!! Armeen got me hooked for more than an hour this morning on online tests! (and this is just getting started)
Career Intended:
"As an Analytical type, you don't want to be limited by established rules and regulations. Your inquisitive nature demands that you sometimes question authority. Otherwise, you might not be able to find fresh approaches, or come up with new solutions to a problem. It's not that you act without weighing the pros and cons of a situation — it's more that you're more willing than others to take justifiable risks if they'll further your career success.
"You're smart enough to know when you need help and are confident enough in your abilities to ask for it. You understand that sometimes there are no clear right and wrong answers, and that's just fine with you because you tolerate gray areas better than most. In fact, pondering potential outcomes can sometimes be more interesting than coming up with the definitive solution for you.
"Your right job doesn't have to be about self-expression, but it needs to be a job you can be proud of."
So am I supposed to be a rock star or doomed to office hell??!! Fuckers.
Career Intended:
"As an Analytical type, you don't want to be limited by established rules and regulations. Your inquisitive nature demands that you sometimes question authority. Otherwise, you might not be able to find fresh approaches, or come up with new solutions to a problem. It's not that you act without weighing the pros and cons of a situation — it's more that you're more willing than others to take justifiable risks if they'll further your career success.
"You're smart enough to know when you need help and are confident enough in your abilities to ask for it. You understand that sometimes there are no clear right and wrong answers, and that's just fine with you because you tolerate gray areas better than most. In fact, pondering potential outcomes can sometimes be more interesting than coming up with the definitive solution for you.
"Your right job doesn't have to be about self-expression, but it needs to be a job you can be proud of."
So am I supposed to be a rock star or doomed to office hell??!! Fuckers.
we gotta get outta this place: pt. 1
I was thinking back to when someone at the firm got fired. He tried to get unemployment and the firm challenged it, presenting a record of his log-in times to show that there was "cause" to fire him. His firing had nothing to do with his direct boss, who had no problem with what time he got to work as long as he got the work done. It was some other attorney that complained to HR, and once you get a bug up the corporate ass, you're a goner. Corporate culture = fascism. OK, that's nothing new, but I just needed to say it.
I was thinking back to when someone at the firm got fired. He tried to get unemployment and the firm challenged it, presenting a record of his log-in times to show that there was "cause" to fire him. His firing had nothing to do with his direct boss, who had no problem with what time he got to work as long as he got the work done. It was some other attorney that complained to HR, and once you get a bug up the corporate ass, you're a goner. Corporate culture = fascism. OK, that's nothing new, but I just needed to say it.
Thursday, August 01, 2002
Whooee!!
I just rode home, and holy cow!, the pain and tenderness is pretty much gone from my knees and calves, I have my full range of motion back, and . . . damn they felt . . . strong. *pause to admire calf muscles* It's not an aesthetic thing, I've always considered muscular legs as being unsightly . . . well, on me at least . . . but I've never had them feel strong and reliable. So I'm looking at them like I just bought them off of Amazon.com or something. I think I'll ride down to the beach and sport them in their scarred glory. Er, I mean, you don't ride a bike for however many years and don't get your legs cut up on pedals, chain-reels, and crashes. *ahem*
I just rode home, and holy cow!, the pain and tenderness is pretty much gone from my knees and calves, I have my full range of motion back, and . . . damn they felt . . . strong. *pause to admire calf muscles* It's not an aesthetic thing, I've always considered muscular legs as being unsightly . . . well, on me at least . . . but I've never had them feel strong and reliable. So I'm looking at them like I just bought them off of Amazon.com or something. I think I'll ride down to the beach and sport them in their scarred glory. Er, I mean, you don't ride a bike for however many years and don't get your legs cut up on pedals, chain-reels, and crashes. *ahem*
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