One Million Yen Girl (Hyakuman-en to Nigamushi Onna) (Japan, 2008)
Rating: Qualified rotten 5 out of 10 tomatoes.

The rotten rating is for the one-dimensional, mean-spirited first third of the film – the set-up – which unfortunately is so unsubtle and effective that it incurably tainted the rest of the film for me, which is otherwise not that bad.

The film is about a young woman, Suzuko, who after some unfortunate incidents with minor characters, who can simply be described as mind-bogglingly insensitive idiots (read: unrealistic), does a stint in jail. After she gets out, she gets such abuse heaped upon her that she decides to leave Tokyo once she has saved one million yen (ballpark in excess of US$10,000).

She subsequently decides that wherever she goes, once she saves one million yen she will pack up and move on to a new place. That's the interesting premise of the film, and the "journey" part of the film that is pretty good – if not for the nefarious first third of the film, which made it impossible for me to view the film in a way unbiased by the early tone created by the film.

Another infuriatingly clumsy aspect of the first third of the film is that just after the opening scene, there is a flashback with no indication that it's a flashback, no "2 months earlier" title card or however long it was. The film credibly looks like it's just continuing in sequence, and watching it that way, it becomes a mess. Remember, if you don't know you went into a flashback, you don't know when you've come out of it.

Upon second viewing, it all makes sense, and the flashback is incredibly subtly book-ended by a shot, but a second viewing shouldn't have been necessary to avoid such confusion. Maybe it's the Japanese characteristic of non-communication/non-directness which is prevalent between the characters in the film (and many Japanese films, actually), but if it's the director who's deciding not to communicate with me, the viewer, why am I watching her film?

As I mentioned, although the rest of the film may be decent, even pretty good, I was prejudiced against everyone because of the tone of the first third of the film and when it turns out she starts running into nicer people out of the city, I just couldn't like them or trust them.

There is some questionable redemption in the end. There is a sub-plot involving Suzuko's elementary school-aged brother who is constantly bullied. The prevalent theme in the film, I think, is how we respond to the consequences to our actions. This may also tie into the attitudes of Japanese to crime and criminal behavior.

Coincidentally, while I was renting this DVD, I saw Anthony Bourdain's "No Reservation" episode in Osaka, Japan, on the cable Travel & Living Channel. He mentions how Osaka has the shameful distinction of being the most crime-riddled city in Japan. And for comparison, he notes that for every 10,000 people, in New York, a little over 300 people are victims of crime. In St. Louis, over 1,000 people for every 10,000 become victims of crime. In Osaka? I forget what he said, but it was like 3.

I don't know, but maybe the severe social stigma on any criminal record, regardless of how small or non-violent, helps keep the crime rate down. Back to the film, though, unfortunately this attitude sweeps up people who act in a way that may be questionably a criminal or civil offense, but if it ends up criminal on a technicality, they're screwed.

Although, I give it a rotten rating, I also realize there are decent reviews of this film out there, and as I mentioned, it does get better. It's not that I don't recommend the film, but the first third pretty much ruins the rest of it for me. The lead actress Yu Aoi, who also starred in "Hula Girls" which I reviewed before, is quite extraordinary in this film.



Au Revoir Taipei 一頁台北 (2010, Taiwan)

What's not to like about this light, cute, entertaining little local film? Well, if you don't like light, cute and entertaining, maybe take a pass. It's a light comedy, or a light drama with comic elements.

It's about a guy whose girlfriend leaves for Paris and they make indefinite plans for him to visit her, but then she dumps him over the phone and he becomes determined to go there and win her back. He asks for help from a low-level mob boss, but he gets embroiled with a nitwit crew of even lower level "wiseguys" equivalents and cops who are trying to break the case.

There's not a whole lot of substance to the film, just light, clean entertainment, with some clumsy chases and unlikely moments, as well as some hilarious moments, but ultimately it held together for me. At 89 minutes, it's short and sweet and not to be taken too seriously. Actress Amber Kuo is cute as a button, the best friend character is pretty funny in a low-key way, and the wiseguy crew leader, Hong, steals several scenes as the ambitious gangster who gets no respect.

Fresh 7 out of 10 tomatoes.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 24, 6:30 p.m. - Full moon rising, Keelung riverside park, Songshan District.

6:33 p.m. - Plane landing at Songshan Airport.

6:37 p.m. - and taking off.

6:37 p.m. - Clouds over the mountains south of the Taipei basin.

AUGUST 27, 5:28 p.m. - Bali 八里 township, this is already deep in the ride involving riding towards the mouth of the Danshui River and crossing over to the left bank to here on the northwest coast. Those domes are next to the Shisanhang Museum 十三行博物館. I found a bike path behind the museum which looked like it wasn't new. It didn't look like part of the recent rampant development of bike paths. Either way, it is being extended and looks like it will reach Formosa Fun Coast 八仙樂園 water park.

5:28 p.m. - The new Port of Taipei at a rest stop along the bikeway.

5:37 p.m. - Mt. Guanyin 觀音山 from the north, an angle from which I'd never seen it before and wouldn't recognize.

5:38 p.m. - The extent of construction of the bikeways to Formosa Fun Coast. Have to get back onto surface roads from here.

5:54 p.m. - Looking back at the Port of Taipei while riding along the highway on the northwest coast. It really is a full-on highway, but it's safe for cyclists because slow traffic lanes are physically separated from fast ones.

6:02 p.m. - Northwest coast highway. This was supposed to be a casual ride that ended up being 60 miles! That's far for me. At this point on the highway I decided to turn around and go home, hoping to get back to the bikeways (i.e., off surface roads) in Bali before sundown

6:05 p.m. - Northwest coast wind turbines at sunset. This is a ride I will re-visit and explore further down the northwest coast.

Attempt Fail #1:

Alright, let me be honest for once and not cryptic. I went out, tried, and failed. I had my version of the gun loaded and pointed in my mouth; I tied the noose, hung it from the rafters, stood on the chair and put my head through it; I parked the car in the garage, closed the garage door and put the key in the ignition; I poured the cyanide solution and held the cup to my lips; I held the blade in trembling hands, prepared to make it but . . .

But I didn't pull the trigger, I didn't kick the chair out from under me, I didn't turn the key in the ignition, I didn't drink the glass of solution, . . . just then the phone rang, I never had the nerve to make the final cut. That close and still no results.

Big question remaining whether I'll actually do this, but even with this fail I don't have a reason for why I failed. The window remains open and I'm watching every day for the next right time to try again. I fully expect another attempt as I continue to schluff off baggage that may have led to this fail and get clearer that I don't see any other option and don't want any other option.

All roads lead to this. Any thought or idea or possibility or prospect that wanders out of my mind eventually boomerangs and ends up back to this. Any thoughts of any people, any of the things that I do, any future, any places, all come back to this.

For full disclosure, here was my method:

As I've been saying, every day is a target. Whether I tried to execute the plan or not depended on how I felt on any particular day. On Friday, I felt I had come to an end. It was time. Most of the day was like I was preparing for a trip, making sure things were in place, scanning my apartment to make sure I hadn't forgotten anything.

Things were just as I wanted them by 6 P.M. and I headed out on my bike, clipless pedals switched out to toe-clips so I could wear sneakers, also wearing a cheap cycling jersey from a local hypermart and my mountain bike shorts, which look more like shorts than cycling shorts but have padding.

I wasn't pushing any pace, a casual 14 mph was sufficient, and I rode along the riverside bikeways headed towards Danshui, 16 miles away on the route I took. I had a playlist on my iPod Shuffle entitled "finale" and another of piano accompanied songs to put me and keep me in the mood (piano accompanied songs just have a sad quality to them that seemed to fit).

There were instances on the bikeways close to sunset where I was filled with pure, ecstatic joy. This world is so big, wide and beautiful and I'm glad to be a participant on this human journey. Humanity's time on this world, in this universe is limited and to experience this human journey is a pleasure and privilege. Death is part of the journey and part of the wonderment.

I hung out for a short bit in Danshui, which has a night market/boardwalk feel, before heading out on the meat of the journey on Provincial Highway 2 that goes along Taiwan's north coast. There were a few raindrops in Danshui but heading out of Danshui proper the rain started coming down and I found shelter and hunkered down for a while. It hadn't been a day that hinted at rain and the sky didn't look like it would rain, so I was confident that it would pass and it did. In short time the stars and moon were visible again. I carried on slowly and the road dried out after a short distance, allowing me to pick up the pace.

The complete Provincial Highway 2 ride is the longest one I've found in northern Taiwan, about 66 miles, going from Taipei to Danshui, then all along the north coast through Sanzhi, Shimen, Jinshan and Wanli townships to Keelung and back to Taipei. I forget the distance to my destination and didn't take note, but it wasn't a distance to sneeze at. More than half of the entire ride.

The ride has a few very minor hills but no major climbs, so it was just cruising along with one short break. I knew my destination. It was the most northeastern point of Taiwan in Shimen township, and I noted it on Google Streetview and on the Provincial Highway 2 ride I did several weeks ago.

I arrived at the destination at . . . I'm already forgetting, or maybe I wasn't paying attention . . . nine or ten o'clock? Ish. The destination was a stretch of road and I first stopped at a tourist destination that I had never noticed before. I was going to kill myself right next to a tourist spot. Faboo.

I locked my bike and explored around the tourist spot for a bit. While walking out on some coastal rocks, it was dark and my foot went into water, and at first I was like, "crap!", but then I realized how stupid that was and freely let myself get wet.

Then I explored the short stretch of coastline for the right spot, I don't think it was much more than 300 meters, and found the perfect spot where there wasn't a rest stop or cafe. It was an undeveloped piece of land where there was access to the rocky shore. I went back to get my bike and left it unlocked on the undeveloped piece of land.

From here my memory starts getting hazy. Mind you, I had a bottle of vodka and all during this I was occasionally taking slugs out of it. I walked down into the rocks in the surf and found a rock to sit down on and mull things for a while.

I had sleeping pills with me and an inflatable flotation ring. I inflated the ring, but at the end of all this I don't know what happened to it. I remember contemplating the sleeping pills which were in sealed packaging. I remember thinking to take them out of the packaging because at the end of this, I would either have taken them or I wouldn't and would have slung them into the surf.

The plan was to take the sleeping pills and swim out into the ocean as far as I could with the inflatable ring to help get out as far as possible. I wouldn't cling to the ring, and when I lost consciousness, I would naturally let go of the ring. Good plan, no?

I didn't break the seal and I still have the sleeping pills for my next attempt.

Hazy memory, other things that happened over the course of hours:

At one point it started raining, pouring, and I ran for cover. I knew there was a covered bus stop not far along the road and that's where I ended up for I don't know how long. I left my bike in the rain.

When I was in the rocks, I slipped several times and fell into the water, scratching up my legs on the sharp rocks, but also getting my iPod shuffle wet. I guess all the water started making the iPod fritz out and I flung it away.

I also remember I wasn't alone. There was someone else along that bit of shore who may or may not have noticed me, too. When I first found that stretch of coast, I did notice a car parked on the beach and wondered what it was doing there but after a while figured there wasn't anyone there.

This other person was distinguished by a pinpoint of light that I kept my eye on. Sometimes I lost sight of it, but I kept track of it as long as I could see it. Hours and hours, I shouldn't wonder. In my night's travels I noticed there are night fishermen who used such pinpoints of light as some sort of locater.

I vaguely remember after the rain stopped, I headed back to my perfect spot and I don't have a direct memory of this, but the pinpoint of light guy went about his business all during the rain, and it turned out to be his car that was there and I think I remember him leaving, meaning the shore was all mine again.

That's all I remember. Hours and hours had gone by that I don't remember. I don't remember how I ended up back on my bike, heading to complete the Provincial Highway 2 loop. I don't remember what time it was, I don't remember any thoughts. It was a journey, it was an ordeal. At some point I noticed that my right shoelace was untied but left it. At the end of all this that shoelace had rubbed up against the pedal connection to the crank that it was stained filthy.

I don't remember much about it but it was in Jinshan that I stopped at another bus stop for an indeterminate amount of time. When I woke up there was the faint trace of dawn's light. I pushed on and pushed on. I pushed on passing the Dharma Drum Mountain monument, I pushed on through Wanli, I pushed on through Keelung.

I pushed on west back into Taipei and it was light by the time I got back to my neighborhood and the nearby market was already coming alive. I stopped at a convenient store for a bottle of cranberry juice and a tuna onigiri that I took home and put in my refrigerator and forgot about until the evening when I looked at the receipt and wondered what that NT$30 item was.

When I carried my bike back up to my floor it felt sluggish. I left it in the outer hallway. After I woke up, I found the front tire was flat. The bike got me all the way home and only then gave out. The inner tube had a tiny puncture and I patched it, but oddly the puncture was on the inside of the tube. This is just a detail, it doesn't mean anything.

It was a minor fail and I totally plan to try again. Just waiting for the same feeling for the right day, and days are filled with so much unbearable I just know it will come again. I won't try the same plan, variation on the theme, but maybe not so elaborate, maybe not even use my bike. But I like the bike part. I just don't need to go that far.

One thing that does bother me is that I was right at the brink and I didn't do it. The problem wasn't not being at 100% commitment when I was at the brink. The problem was not being at 100% commitment when I initially left. Nothing changed in feeling from when I left to when I was sitting on the rocks to when I was watching the dawn. So I guess it should be clear that I have no idea what 100% commitment is, or should render it irrelevant.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 13, 5:19 p.m. - Coming across a new bridge (Xiaoyoukeng 小油坑橋) while climbing Yangmingshan. The old mountainside road had been severely damaged during a typhoon, and instead of trying to engineer repairing the road they decided to build a sturdier, safer bridge. The old road went the far right of the photo.

5:23 p.m. - Remains of the old road that washed away. It's not like I climb Yangmingshan often, but by coincidence I had climbed it when it was damaged and it was really bad. It makes sense that they didn't try to just fix the road. 

5:37 p.m. - A new route. Usually when I ride up Yangmingshan on Rte. 2甲, I circle around Qixing peak, the highest in Yangmingshan, and head around back to Taipei (or go long and go all the way to Jinshan on the coast). This time I took 101甲 and continued climbing north-ish to the northwest coast (Danshui/Sanzhi rides). This shot is from 101甲 with the Xiaoyoukeng Bridge visible towards the upper left. The ride goes by the Datun peak and the road itself goes higher than the roads through Yangmingshan, despite Qixing being the highest peak.

5:57 p.m. - Descending towards the northwest, the ocean unseen through the haze.

6:13 p.m. - A cemetery familiar on my Sanzhi ride, approaching the bottom of the descent at Rte. 101, then turn left to Danshui and home on the bikeways. 

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 18, 6:04 p.m. - Looking south from Minquan Rd. bridge over the Keelung River.

6:20 p.m. - Footbridge looking west at Maishuai Bridge #2.

6:23 p.m. - Taipei 101 and Maishuai Bridge #2 from the ground.

AUGUST 19, 3:38 p.m. - Jinlong Lake 金龍湖, Xizhi township, east of Taipei. Found this nice place just exploring.

I've been feeling a little perplexed, but I think I'm learning to be a little more clear on this and the perspective that I want.

Recently I was having a difficult time with this because any day is fine. Every day I target as the day to go, and it's not like I'm conflicted and resisting. Just every day I haven't been doing it. It wasn't uncanny that ET called that day – that didn't have anything to do with anything.

I recently also experienced a certain intriguing tunnel vision regarding it, which was bizarre, but perhaps normal. I would lose sight of the big picture – everything about my life in both the long and short terms not only pointing towards suicide, but even making it "favorable" – and I would lose perspective and selfishly focus on just the little me alive and feeling pretty comfortable in my little me.

I was worried that I won't do it. I'm not that worried about that anymore. What I should be worried about is not testing myself and making the attempt. I should be worried about this window closing without even having made the attempt.

I am confident that if I go out and make the attempt, I will succeed, but there is a chance I won't, but then I'll have my reason for not doing it. I shouldn't be bothered about that. But I need to push myself to the brink, standing on the leading edge, the eastern seaboard spread before my eyes.

Sometimes I get caught up in my reality and my perspective and that this is me and my life, and I want it, and suicide means irrevocably destroying it, and that's hard and inconceivable, but that's the whole point of it. I feel, at least.

No one thinks of suicide as a passage or as part of a path. For most people, suicide is an escape from despair. I will admit that suicide as high concept was not a given in my life. There is a possibility that if circumstances in my life were different, I might want to live out my natural life.

But the circumstances as they are, as they became, there really is nothing that would make me want to live out my natural life. Nothing should be more clear to me than that. There is no best case scenario that would make me feel favorably about living another 30, 40 years and experience old age, sickness and, well whaddya know, death.

Not money, not love, not a fresh perspective and direction on the spiritual path. For me, I just feel that this is part of that fresh perspective and direction on the spiritual path. The way things are are perfect the way they are.

The way things are going, this window of opportunity can remain open for quite a bit more time, despite sooner being better than later. I'm not going to concern myself about that. I can keep asking myself, "Why not today?", without getting caught up in 'why not today?'. Still, sooner is better than later.

MONDAY, AUGUST 9, 3:20 p.m. - Crossing the Xindian River on Rte. 110 in Xindian city, south of Taipei. 

3:54 p.m. - Along Rte. 110.

4:33 p.m. - Sanxia Old Street, Sanxia township, southwest of Taipei.

4:35-4:37 p.m. - Sanxia Old Street is off Rte. 110 after it becomes more urban between the Xindian and Dahan rivers.

4:39 p.m. - Xinglong Gong Matsu Temple, Sanxia Old Street.

4:54 p.m. - Zhangfu Bridge 長福橋 over Sanxia River 三峽河, a tributary to Dahan River. Just off Sanxia Old Street.

5:26-5:31 - Yingge 鶯歌 township, famous for its ceramics.

5:37 p.m. - Yingge is west of Sanxia across the Dahan River and is the last township in southwest Taipei County before crossing into Taoyuan County.

5:44 p.m. - Getting onto the riverside bikeway at Yingge to the left bank of the Dahan River to head back to Taipei.

6:49 p.m. - Sunset from Taipei after traveling up from Yingge through Shulin, Xinzhuang and Sanchong townships and across the Danshui River (which the Dahan drains into).

8:55 p.m. - Shooting across the Keelung River Dajia Riverside Park at florescent painted floodwalls lit by black light. It's for the Int'l Flora Exhibition that will be held on this side of the river.

A window has opened. I don't know when it will close, but when it closes I will have made a decision to continue on, probably return to work at the newspaper, but something will have had to have changed. On the other hand, I may go through the window.

I didn't go through the window recently, or tried to, because an acquaintance called one morning. Mind you, I don't get phone calls anymore. I've stopped carrying a cellphone around unless there is some expectation of needing to contact people. And no one's called me in more than 3 weeks.

I was awake but not up yet, and was surprised to see ET's name on my ringing cellphone. I don't know if it was a dream I had, but I had some recall of ET calling me saying she was taking a day off from work and asking if I wanted to do a music exchange.

I answered the phone and she said she called in sick because she had a headache earlier, but now was alright and wondered if I wanted to go see the Tibet exhibit at the National Palace Museum. Still a bit groggy, I thought, "Not music exchange?".

We had mentioned the Tibet exhibit the last time we met up more than a month ago, and I had actually already gone and seen it without her because I had no reason to believe us going together was going to happen.

I initially hedged, but then remembered I'm the one who is supposed to agree to do something whenever asked, but I wouldn't be the one to ask. So I said yes, we went, one more day averted. Uncanny.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 4, 5:04 p.m. - National Palace Museum.

At the end of the day, it could've been just as well she hadn't called. It may have been uncanny that she happened to call just that day, but that's not nearly an ounce as uncanny as where all the factors in my life have currently left me.

AUGUST 6, 3:55 p.m. - Climbing up to Yangmingshan Nat'l Park from the southeast off Zhishan Rd. 至善路.

4:25 p.m. - South-southwest-ish at the mountain ranges south of Taipei. Shinkong Mitsukoshi building next to Taipei Main Station visible to the right.

4:36 p.m. - Mountaintop telecom satellite dishes.

4:40 p.m. - I didn't ride up to here, but am looking back at from where I came.

5:07 p.m. - Southeast-ish view from Yangmingshan with Taipei 101 barely visible around the center.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 1 - Taipei 101 series (south of Xinyi Rd.). Rainbow V 22mm plastic lens toy camera, Ilford XP2 Super.

Dancing water fountain, Taipei 101 north plaza.

AUGUST 2 - Keelung riverside bikeway, Songshan District. Neihu District in the background across the river (unseen - you're just gonna hafta trust me).