"What it is and where it stops nobody knows/You gave me a life I never chose/I wanna leave but the world won't let me go/Wanna leave but the world won't let me go":

"Got us a battle, leave it up to meeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

I quote this because it's significant to me beyond what Emily Haines may have been actually expressing. I don't know what she was expressing.

But when I say "the world won't let me go", it's not that the world is imploring me to stay, but that my attachment to the world is so strong, I can't let go. The world itself doesn't give a rat's ass whether I go or not.

I'm fully aware that I'm in a certain window of opportunity. A window of opportunity that I've been putting off for the last five months. The excuses have run out. I'm most aware of it when I wake up. Today? Today? Why not today?

But it's not today. And I have my reasons. But I'm hoping for the day when I don't have my reason. Actually, this "window of opportunity" is now always open, but perhaps because of what might fairly be described as "superstition", there are even more particular windows of opportunity that occur in 2-month increments. I'm in one now.

I just want the longest stretch of time between the fact and anyone noticing. The superstition is at least 49 days as optimal. I have my reasons.

I've been in a strange state of mind lately. I'd like to go into it more if I could get more of a grasp on it. Reality separating from realization.