Englewood Cliffs, NJ

Counting down one week before I return to Taiwan. That's reality. As it happens, I've allowed myself to fall into the fantasy of being here and ignore everything I still have to face when I go back.

I don't think returning to the States is anywhere in my future plans. There's nothing for me here, and anyway I don't think I could live within a hundred mile radius of my parents. They have been pushing me dangerously close to my breaking point with them without even doing anything.

And that's exactly it. They haven't changed or transformed at all to warrant any changes in my intolerance level. Nevertheless, there's nothing for me here, and still unmotivated to do anything, it is simply not an option.

I'm at a loss how to sum up this past month. I'm not sure what this month is or what it means. Maybe it just is. Maybe I know that it means nothing in the long run and is a reflection of that and that's why I'm unable to express anything about it. But I hope to.

I've been hanging out a lot with my sister-in-law at my brother's house. They live in the same town as my parents, so she's in very familiar territory to me. She comes from a family of 4 sisters and we discuss a lot about family issues and history.

I also went down to Philadelphia and visited my other brother there. That's more stuff I'd like to express, but have no idea how to say it. While I was down there, I met up with an old college friend and we had a good talk over brunch.

Bored now.