My parents seem to be laying off. They haven't called in a while, and I didn't even snap at them or anything to put them off. In fact, I did the exact opposite.

They recently went on one of their twice annual vacations, which I think may have been a part of their life plan. They work diligently, make their fortune, and in their old age they travel the world on . . .  package tours. This time they went to Alaska to see the aurora borealis. Good for them.

The day before they left, I feel I got the better of them in a phone call that didn't get cut off, and entreated them to focus on their own happiness and stop getting wrapped up in unhappiness of worrying about what their children will do.

They're old, they've done their job. Whatever they've done, their parenting job good or bad is not the issue. We're all adults now, the decisions we make now are our own.

I emphatically encouraged them to enjoy what they were doing now – going on vacation – and not get worked up about what any of us are doing with our lives. They've done their part, there's little they can do to change any of it now.

They can try to "help", but because of the foundation they laid, or lack of, it's possible whatever help they hope to offer is futile. Whatever advice or encouragement or "help" they try to give, all of us are likely to go against it simply because it's them giving it. That's how poorly they failed as parents.

The only way to rectify it now is to stop. Let it go. They fucked up, they don't have the means to turn anything around or reflection to contemplate a new strategy, so the best thing to do is stop. Stop nagging, stop trying to control things, stop trying to impose a vision that is, by nature of them giving it, unacceptable.

If my oldest brother loses patients or the business he inherited from our father because of his anger management issues, or if my older brother ends up in a second divorce, this time with children being affected, or if I succeed in committing suicide, none are our parents' issue.

And I don't think my oldest brother will lose his business, and I don't think my older brother will fail in saving his marriage, and I don't think I'll fail in committing suicide, but whatever happens I strongly encouraged my parents to just concentrate on their own happiness, and not base it on what we're doing with our lives.

I think she listened.