I'm trying to figure out what to make of a huge windfall that would have anyone more deserving and appreciative doing cartwheels and floating on air.

My cousin called a while ago, and she told me some things had happened regarding family stuff and to expect some extra money in my bank account. I said, "oh", and after asking a few questions about what happened and hearing the answers, I didn't think any further of it. Not really any of my business.

Then a few weeks later I went to get rent money and saw my account balance and said, "oh ... my", and understood why my cousin had emphasized, "... you can probably stay in Taiwan for a loong time".

Actually, it happened like this: I withdrew the rent money and got the receipt and glanced at the left side of the balance, expecting to see 3 numbers in front of a comma and all would've been fine. Instead I saw a single number in front of the comma and thought, "that could be bad", and left the bank wondering if my account had been hacked. Where did the money go? That would be a game changer. No more money, time for plan B. Well plan A, which perpetually seems to be plan ... Q.

Then out on the sidewalk I glanced at the receipt again and looked at the right side of the balance and saw there were 3 extra numbers that I hadn't noticed before. Eyes widen. Oh ... my. I couldn't even try to calculate how much it was in U.S., and when I got home and did the calculation, I thought, "I think I'm going to get that G-Shock altimeter watch that I'd been eying since my Timex died".

I don't consider it my money. I'm just the custodian until I can hot potato it back to my parents where it belongs, but I recognize my parents' intention here. It's not my money, but I can use it however I see fit. And somewhere along the line, they've also seen fit to stop pressuring me to do anything.

And I'm reminded about a realization I had a long time ago that money is not one of the issues I have to deal with in this lifetime. It's not my current karma. Maybe I've dealt with it in past lifetimes, maybe I'll have to deal with it in future lifetimes, but it's not an issue in this lifetime.

Which means it doesn't matter if I don't have money; no money, go to plan Q. Or R. It doesn't matter if I have money, I'm not going to get bent out of shape if I do have it. It doesn't change anything. Reality and existence issues are the same either way.

However, I'd be in denial if I didn't recognize the possibility of changes in response to this windfall. And I have made changes. I'm very good at not spending money. My primary expenditures had been rent, food and alcohol. And my food and alcohol expenditures had strict self-imposed limits.

I decided I can get rid of those limits as an exercise in letting go, because even those measures of self-discipline can become attachments, and nothing whatsoever should be attached to. I'm not going to go crazy and start spending like crazy on food and alcohol. That's not who I am, but it's good to let go of any attachment that I was being good by imposing those limitations on myself.

And I'm still going to be very wary of any material acquisition – accumulating stuff – but I'll allow for upgrading and replacing things I already have which will just lead to . . . preventing ennui. Just enough change in my life to keep my mind materially positive and not bogged down.

Still not sure where all this is going.