I might just have found a way to take advantage of insomnia to help progress my training into the nature of mind. Insomnia may no longer be a source of frustration and suffering and become an opportunity to appreciate.

I've had two experiences during insomnia whereby I was able to force myself into a dream state while essentially still being aware that I was still awake.

The first time was a few months ago and I wasn't posting anything so I didn't write about it, but I remember it. It was a bout of insomnia and eventually I turned on the TV to something mindless, maybe LPGA or some other sport or CNN.

During the mindless listlessness, I would start drifting into light sleep and start having dreams, fading in and out. At one point I faded in during a dream that had been interesting and I didn't want to leave it. So I wondered if I could force myself to sink back into the dream. I tried it and it worked!

I was able to force myself into a dream state that certainly was no where near REM sleep. The dreams were vivid and chaotic, too chaotic to relate afterwards, but with many elements memorable for a while.

This morning was back-end insomnia. I woke up after a few hours of sleep and couldn't get back to sleep. After a couple hours of ritual music listening, and an uncomfortably high body temperature that may have been the source of the insomnia, I tried to see if I could force myself into a dream state instead of trying to sleep. It worked!

That's weird, right? But that's what's important. The dream state definitely wasn't sleep. I was awake, but dreaming. When I was trying this out while the music was still on, I was fully aware of each song that was playing. I was fully aware of the position I was lying in, which was dictated by discomfort from high body temperature. But I was dreaming.

It wasn't lucid dreaming, whereby being in a total dream state, and being consciously aware of it and having some degree of control where to go in the dream. I was actually awake with an active consciousness, and in the dreams I wasn't aware that it was a dream, I'd still be just going through the dream as I went through it, without the thought, "This is a dream and I'm aware of it". I had no control over it.

That's super weird even as I write it.

Actually, at one point there was a lucid dreaming-like incident where I remember wondering if I could create a situation and was briefly able to do so. But what that was is a secret at this point. Saying it's a secret possibly gives away what it was, but I'm still not sure how to breach the topic.

Another important aspect that is different from the first time is that back then it sort of happened organically. This time I was trying to force myself into a dream state and it was difficult to maintain it. All during it I was aware and worried that I'd lose it and come out of it. Sometimes I'd come right to the edge of coming out of it.

And one thing I clearly remember: the me in the dream state was like a "dream body" and distinct from my physical life consciousness, but there is a nexus between them where one becomes another. I remember there was one point that I was just getting into the dream body, but failed and coming back to consciousness was actually a shock, it kinda hurt.

I'm a little bowled over about what to make of this. Important to note that right now I'm in full conscious awareness and I know I can't go over and lie down on the bed and make it happen. It's that twilight, intermediate zone of mind between wake and sleep that is particular for insomniacs where these ideas can be revealed and explored.

If the true Buddhist path is anything, it's exploration of the nature of mind.