Turns out I had written a post with almost the exact themes of my previous post way back in late 2013. Well, at least there were similarities, but there were enough differences that alarm bells didn't go off indicating that I was repeating a pattern.

That's one of the stories of my life, repeating patterns; mostly patterns of indecision and not doing anything. If it's a pattern, it's likely something psychological or pathological. Recognizing that, I have to call myself out and state that I'm not immediately dying. I'm not ruining my health. Feeling so bad that I suspect that I'll likely die in the near future is simply alcohol-related hypochondria.

Alcohol is another pattern. I have a theory which prevents me from complaining about any of the things I complain about: Any complaint I have is probably alcohol related. To put an end to whatever it is I'm kvetching about, all I have to do is cut back on drinking. Since I know that, if I don't voluntarily cut back on drinking, then I can't complain. I'm purposely perpetuating a problem.

As I mentioned, I did cut down on drinking. Continuing to keep track, I haven't cut back all that much. I have days where I have 12 drinks. Average, though, is around 10 drinks, which means I've only been cutting back around 3 drinks per day. But apparently it makes a difference.

Important, though, is distribution. A drinking day starts from after morning sitting and is spread out until I wash my shot glass and brush my teeth and lights out. I think something that has made a difference is not drinking too much too early. Resist early drinking and I'm alright. 

And simultaneously with cutting back on drinking, I've pushed to be more active and I've finally been getting to the gym and on my bike, after having believed I was done with both. It doesn't hurt that spring has arrived after a pretty brutal winter. 

It was a mild winter until later in January. It was only a two month period from late January to late March, but I think there was a record number of days that temperatures in Taipei didn't get out of the 50s. Snowflakes even fell in Taipei proper, perhaps for the first time ever. But I saw them. It wasn't a lot, it wasn't a snowfall, just lone snowflakes falling from the sky on one grey Sunday afternoon. 

And around the time I wrote my last post, little niggling things annoyed me to form a cloud of negativity around my head. The remote control for my cable TV box broke. Then my laptop's cooling fan started fritzing out. Things fall apart. By Chinua Achebe. Totally demoralizing winter. I thought I was dying. That was the hope.

The turn-around from just cutting back drinking has been marked. Even my sleeping has been pretty stable. But all of this is a work in progress. I've been getting to the gym, but my endurance and strength are way down. Pathetic even. I've been getting on my bike and immediately went for 30+ mile rides including modest hill training, but I can feel how weak I am. 

I've been turning the broken TV remote into a positive. I had been letting my daily life schedule be ruled by TV. But without the convenience of the remote, my TV habits have been stymied by the limited control buttons on the cable box, I'm using this as an opportunity to break that habit, even dependency, on the TV distraction.

The computer fan problem is ongoing. If my laptop is on long enough, the fan settles and stops making noise. Some days it functions fine from start-up. But even so, it is ailing and needs replacing. Until I figure out how to get that done, it's a practice in patience and not getting annoyed.

So how am I moving forward? I'm not dying. I'm eating. I'm riding and getting to the gym. Positive, it seems. And yet, positive isn't necessarily good or proper for me. Things are still heading into only one direction. These "positive" developments may force me to be more pro-active towards what is proper for me. Take things into my own hands. And when the bank account hits zero, that's it.