I had a big scare a few days ago that my laptop was about to die, but it turns out the malfunction was just a Windows 10 update forcing itself upon my laptop without consent. I thought updates were supposed to be benign, that they get remotely downloaded to your computer while it's on and you don't even notice until you shut down and you're informed of the update and it prepares to load it the next time you turn it on. It's not supposed to put your computer into what looks like critical condition with everything slowing down to pretty much non-functionality. I was afraid my laptop was having a stroke. 

At points when functionality seemed better I did shut it down and turned it back on and there was never any indication that it was an update. It was so bad that at one point I started emergency back-up of music folders thinking it was about to die. And then during one shut-down, it froze and I decided to do a hard shut-down, convinced that was it and the screen had flickered its last. 

I contemplated the grand scheme of things. I contemplated whether I'd be getting a new computer that day. Laptop or desktop? This laptop hasn't left my apartment in the three years that I've had it. Are monitors required with the purchase of a desktop? I use my flatscreen TV as my monitor so why would I get a monitor if I don't have to. Nah, this flatscreen is a bit dodgy, definitely get the largest monitor possible. Really? New computer? That's a month of living. I live on a thou a month; a third of that is rent, most of the rest is alcohol and food. If I don't extend my funds in June, then I'd have until September instead of October. So I'd be buying a computer to live to September. But then I'd probably extend my funds just because I bought a computer. This is not any consideration.

What am I thinking about new computer and months of living and extending funds? The computer's dead, let my computer days rest in peace. For me, that's it, I'm done, this is the looming I've been waiting for. Fill out the May bi-monthly gas meter form that has already been posted downstairs, wait till the end of the month and pay June's rent, and finally go with Plan A. But wait, if my computer's dead and I disappear, then I won't even be leaving a computer to be investigated regarding my fate.

It's a total conceit to think anyone would bother, but at least leave the option for that one in a thousand dozen chance that months later someone, probably a cousin, will be looking around my apartment after my disappearance has been established as fact (and mystery) and my belongings need to be disposed of, and a flash question in his mind whether there may be any clue on my computer about what happened. Quite honestly, get on my internet browser and this blog is not hard to find unless you don't know what the Brave browser icon or the Blogger icon is or looks like. Actually, knowing my life, it wouldn't matter whether I left a working computer or not. This is just me over-thinking things.

I pressed the power button one last time without any confidence to see what would happen, and a few minutes later the update screen came on. No, it wasn't a stroke, my laptop wasn't dying or in critical condition. Instead it had been violated. It had been taken over by the Windows 10 update and done doggy-style right in front of me. But now it was being updated. I swear there's a lesson or metaphor here somewhere, and I swear it's probably going over my head. Story of my life.