I don't know if I should be watching what I say about suicide anymore. On one hand, my previous principle holds: If I'm not going through with it right now, I'm not going to now or in the near future. It's not reality. It's only reality if I'm going to implement a plan right now.

Planning for the future is just fantasy. And that goes for anything aside from suicide, too. I can have a plan in place and a time frame, but if it's not now, I don't believe it and neither should anyone else. I just have faith that right now will eventually happen. And sometimes right now needs a little encouragement.

On the other hand, the word 'inevitable' still means something to me, and looking at all the evidence and circumstances, I absolutely think and believe that I will succeed one of these days. I will not die a horrible natural death, peacefully in my sleep; or out of my control being hit by a bus on my bike; or indirectly through drinking myself to death.

Suicide is something I have to do, something I have to accomplish, something I have to succeed in, something I can't fail in. And it frightens me that it's not fact. I might still be on the fence. I can still be pulled. Fortunately, the "facts" don't indicate otherwise. Everything points to suicide, and it's only my own doubts, my insecurity that makes me think I won't do it.

Truth is, the longer I drag this out, spanning years into decades, the more irrelevant this equivocating gets. Not getting any younger, not getting any of these years back. Suicide starts making even more sense. And it made sense from the very beginning.

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 15, 1:08 p.m. - Cemetery on the way to Ruifang. The ride to Ruifang is pretty far continuing all the way to the coast. It involves taking Highway 5 east almost to Keelung City, but turning right on Highway 2丁 at Badu 八堵 prior to entering the city proper. 

1:49 p.m. - Ruifang 瑞芳 is a town just off the coast and is the transit town to go to the tourist attraction of Jiufen by train (after the train to Ruifang, buses go to Jiufen). Jiufen has become famous as the inspiration town for Hayao Miyazaki's "Spirited Away". That's the Keelung River flowing west in the bottom pic, having been thwarted from making it to the ocean.

2:08 p.m. - Leaving Ruifang it's a quick, short up and down to the coast. Keelung Peak shrouded by clouds. Turn left on Highway 2 to head up the coast to Keelung City.

2:13 p.m. - Sights along Highway 2. Some people like flowers, or insects, or wildlife. I like abandoned buildings.

2:25 p.m. - A well-marked diversion off the highway to the Badouzi seaside park area.

2:26 p.m. - Keelung Islet (believe it or not).

2:31 p.m. - Keelung Peak still shrouded by clouds. The rock sticking out into the water at the right has a natural attraction that I didn't see called Elephant Trunk Rock because it has a rock formation in the shape of an antelope elephant.

3:26-3:30 p.m. - Highway 2 goes through Keelung City proper and continues along the coast all the way to Danshui, but signs are clear about how to get back to Highway 5 to go back to Taipei. These are not on Highway 5. Highway 5 is rideable, but it's still a major highway and getting off it at an obvious point (there's a point where 5 veers diagonally to the left, but the road itself continues straight) was a no-brainer. Just follow the sun west to Taipei.

4:10 p.m. - Photostitch of Nanyang Bridge over the Keelung River. This is not the actual eastern border of Taipei and Xizhi, but in my cyclist's mind it serves as the border. When I get to this bridge, in my mind I'm back in Taipei.

4:19 p.m. - Getting on the riverside bikeway at the Nanyang Bridge, it's bikeway all the way home for most part. Actually, according to the map, this is closer to the actual border and I'm shooting from Taipei and that's Xizhi across the canal on the left. Across the Keelung River on the right is all Taipei.