I'm feeling a need to tear everything down again, strike the set, rip up the canvas.

Unfortunately, this is nothing new. I have nothing to say about it that I haven't said about it before, which makes it even more boring.

I want everyone and everything in my life, which isn't much mind you, out of my life. I'm quitting the band in February at the latest, my next destination will be Kaohsiung to regroup, but before I leave Taipei, I have to fit in another suicide ... thingie, whatever, just as I did before I left San Francisco. It just wouldn't feel right without it. Nor would I be able to get momentum to leave without it. Maybe it should be a ritual.

That's just a feeling, not a declaration of an intended act.

Everything needs to be put down, everything needs to die. Not me, everything outside of me. But there's only one way to do that, which is to get rid of this manifestation of me. And I need to dig. I need to dig to get to the core of me. I need to dig to get down to the ground of being. I need to dive into the depths. I need to swim and know what it's like to have no shore.