Confession time, and more evidence that this next attempt is going to come to naught (even though it has to be a real attempt). Even though a window of opportunity has opened and any day now would be just fine and everyday now has been feeling right for a go, even compelling, I've been putting it off for . . . a TV show.

A Korean TV show.

A Korean variety/reality TV show.

It's called Invincible Youth. The premise of the show is 7 members of the top K-pop girl groups at the time (2009) are sent out to a rural farming village and experience and learn what life is like out there.

Roughly the first half of the show was aired in Taiwan and I got hooked on it, because, well, I'm into K-pop girl groups (Ozzy would not approve).

The important thing for me in watching the show is that, although I might describe the appearance of my living life as having fallen apart, and that I'm not focusing on the negativity, the show has more of the emotional space I'm angling for.

Unlike other Korean variety shows which are solely about self-promotion and entertainment, this show has a lot of heart. On other shows, you don't get to know the celebrities because they're being celebrities on the show.

On this show, they have to be down-to-earth because it's unscripted and very loosely structured. They know they still have to self-promote and entertain and they're constantly poking fun about getting screen time and not being edited out, but their tasks, games and competitions are all impromptu so you get to the heart of their talent and personalities and short-comings. Even their celebrity pretense is presented without pretense.

There are a lot of the warm and fuzzies about the show, tearing up or grinning like an idiot from being touched is common – it's not a show for the cynical and hardened-by-life – but it's also killer funny and they don't hold back when they rip on one another.

The show also uses a still photographer to get the intended effect. The still photographs are notably used during the end credits, and they really capture the feeling and feelings of the show. Really good photography.

I love the show because of the values it presents. It's very resonant to me because it seems to suggest a lot of the meaning of life is about community. Our tribes. You find your tribe and you stick with them through thick and thin to get things done. You work together towards goals and you have fun with it. And winners win and losers lose and it's all good.

It's a lesson I haven't learned and that's why I'm alone in this cave with a plan to abort this life because whatever awaits in my next life, it's gotta be better than this. Ugh, I don't mean that in a negative way, I just don't have the words to express it in the positive way that it's meant. There are plenty of ways my life could be worse than what it is.

There's a lot of love on the show, and even though they were awkward in the beginning, and they're competing, and they rip on each other, you get the sense that lifelong friendships are being formed on the show.

Another aspect of the show that is important to me is the "future life resonance" thing I mentioned before. This recent infatuation with Korean culture is really unexpected and inexplicable. It's not like I've been ignorant about Korea prior, it just never resonated until recently, and now I'm convinced my next life will be in South Korea, inshah'allah.

So I'm filling what I hope will be my last days in this life with indications of where I'm going and what I might strive to learn in my next life.