Philadelphia, PA

So my brothers and their families all arrived at the resort on Thanksgiving day around noon-ish just before the big Thanksgiving meal. It was strange at that time that I had already been there for 24 hours and by the end of that day it was strange thinking that it was still their first day.

I was mostly dreading the trip because I didn't know anything about it, but it turns out we rented a whole house at the resort, so I had my own room to which I could and often did retreat. I didn't have to deal with the parents or the awkwardness or chaos of the nieces and nephews. It wasn't that bad.

One of my brothers' family is total chaos. I actually went over to their house the night I arrived from Taiwan and it was a total circus. I could see my sister-in-law caught with head underwater in the whirling rapids with hardly any chance to get a breath. It's hard to believe the great humor and grace with which she handles the situation. She deserves an award.

My other brother's kids are the total opposite: well-behaved, disciplined. If they can be described as soldiers standing at attention, the other brother's kids are like a bunch of baby squirrels playing in the first snow.

The parents continue to be sheer chaos. This was supposed to be a family vacation weekend celebrating their supposed 50th anniversary. But my mother scheduled with my oldest brother for him to go to work on Saturday, with her driving him all the way back to the office and then driving back to the resort afterwards. 

Whatever, all that is none of my business. However, even with the already existing tension with the parents, I offered to drive my brother at the last minute. Even though it was none of my business what arrangements they made for my brother to go to work on Saturday, once they were made, it only made sense for multiple reasons that I do the driving. I meant it as a favor, I'm sure my mother didn't see it as a favor.

The start of the parents' role as chaos began once me and my brother headed out in pre-dawn hours in my parents' car. It was quickly apparent in the mountain road darkness that without high-beams on, the car basically had no headlights. 

The left low-beam was completely out, a fact that I had already pointed out to them on my first day back. The right low-beam was damaged in a fender bender over a year ago that they never got fixed so that the beam pointed in a direction no where near the center of the road. 

Driving on the mountain roads, at points where it was completely safe, I turned off the high-beams and it was like I had turned off all the lights. Every time I had to shut off the high-beams due to on-coming traffic, I also had to slam on the brakes because I couldn't see anything and drive using the line immediately on the right side of the road. 

We had to drive on and deal with it, but since it was pre-dawn with few other cars on the road, it was manageable. Once we hit the interstate, the sky was just getting light, but I opined that if a cop saw us, he'd probably pull us over. So until the sky brightened sufficiently, I shadowed any vehicle in front of me both for safety, and to avoid how obvious our lack of headlights was.

The issue was what to do going back. My brother said that if we departed after three, we would certainly be driving in the dark once we got back to the mountain roads to the resort. Our options were to try to fix the bulb (which would be totally in his realm since I have no idea about any of that), or take his other car. 

The fixing option didn't pan out. He could pull it off if we had more time, but we didn't. But he did tell our parents about the issue, and the mother then called me and asked me to take the car to get it fixed. That was the chaos that sent me near over the edge. Mindfulness practice engaged, I didn't go over the edge. 

But I was furious. I reject cars. I got rid of my car. I got sick of the headache of maintenance and all the baggage that comes with cars. And here I am for just two weeks and the chaos asks me to take her car in for repair. 

I did half-assedly look for the repair shop she mentioned. I couldn't find it. When she gives directions, it's totally from her subjective point of view and doesn't take into account how other people might see things. 

One of my brothers acknowledges that about her. He doesn't listen to her driving instructions because they're so subjective as to be useless. She describes what she did and tells him that and it's nonsense to him, as opposed to when I give him directions when the first thing I ask is what does he see so we can coordinate our bearings (this happened when they were driving to the resort). 

For the return trip, my brother rejected my impulsive idea to just take their fucking car back to them and let them deal with it, so we ended up taking his other car. I didn't look at or talk to the parents until just before leaving the resort (which was just until the next morning).

I was furious (sorta), my other brother invited me to stay at his house for a few days, and I decided to accept. Not wanting to drive with my parents back to New Jersey or deal with them in any way was no small part of the decision to go to Philly. So the last thing I said to them was confirming they were alright driving my brother's car. 

So that's why I'm in Philly now. 

Funny thing about this traveling and insomnia, I have been maintaining morning sitting. Before leaving for the resort last Wednesday, departure was delayed so I started sitting. So it happened that when everyone was ready, I stuck my sitting cushion into my luggage which was otherwise near empty. 

As insomnia continued, I would get up early in the pre-dawn and do sitting, which was very pleasant in the mountain quiet. After the manifestation of chaos on Saturday, on Sunday morning I was sitting and thinking about the chaos when a huge blue throne-like block visualized before me and said "LET IT GO!". I thought that's probably a good idea.