I've written about this before. Several years ago my parents liquidated certain assets here and placed a bunch of money in my bank account. When the transaction was mentioned to me, I discerned it was "none of my business" – their money is their money, nothing to do with me – and paid no attention until a surprisingly large amount of money appeared in my bank account.

One day I went to withdraw money and glanced at the remaining balance, immediately saw something wrong and my first thought was that money had disappeared.

Containing a minor panic thinking that I might have been hacked, I walked away from the ATM and then looked at the balance again and realized I was looking at the wrong part of the balance.

The left side of the balance showed a single digit in front of a comma where there should have been more. What I didn't see right away was the right side of the balance and all the extra digits there. Money had, in fact, appeared. A lot of money.

Before that infusion, what I had left in my account would have long since run out. I would have long had to have made some decision about my life when my account ran out. The amount that was placed in my account, given my modest lifestyle, would have lasted me long after my parents' lives would be over.

But they put it in my personal account, which I interpreted as being mine to use. I don't know why they put it my account, they have their own account. I suspect it was because they could put it there and avoid . . . notice. By people who would have noticed if they put it in their own account and demanded a cut. Legally.

God damn it, if you haven't figured it out, I'm talking about the government.

I gather my aunt was in charge of the actual transaction. I don't know how she had access to my account information, but it's possible, and I trust and love her. I've also heard through the years that my parents wanted my aunt to spirit the money back, but my aunt refused and told them to ask me for it directly.

I've speculated that it goes against some code by my parents to take money from me. The only tenable redeeming aspect of any claim to passable parenting is that money flows from them to us, and not the other way around. Once the money was in my account, it looked liked mine, I treated it like it was mine and I've been able to live for years because of it.

It took them a while, but they finally straight out asked for it to buy some useless piece of property in Kaohsiung for purely sentimental reasons which they tried to entreat me to understand (I couldn't care less), and, of course, as far as I'm concerned it's their money. I authorized my aunt to do what she refused to do before.

I don't know how long what's left in my account will last. Not much more than a couple years, if even that much.

The relevance of all this?  Well, they've given me several years where I didn't have to make an ultimate decision on entering a monastery or dying. So I'll give them credit for that, although recently, this year, even that has become a mixed blessing.

I must admit that despite continuing mindfulness practice and quasi-urban-hermit-existence I've been becoming restless. I started having doubts about how long I could maintain doing nothing and being useless.

So this might all be perfect for me in the larger scheme of things regarding my path. The cash windfall was allowing me to be lazy and complacent, when really I need to challenge my attachment to life.

It also squares with the nature of our total relationship and what I hope can ultimately be a complete break in karma between us. Whatever karma brought us together is over. There is no mutual impression between us that will bring us together, contentious or amicable.

I don't know what brought us together in this life. I've entertained the idea that it was a complete accident, but it may have been something contentious. Whatever it was, it must have been some feeling, and any feeling is now gone. We tried, failed, you go your way, I'll go mine.

(Speculation on karma is pretty useless as it can go on and on with endless possibilities. There may be any level of karmic connection between me and my parents from none (accidental) to a lot (teacher-student), but the controlling karma might have nothing to do with them and actually be between me and my cousin or brothers.)

Ironically, I'm going to visit New Jersey for a month starting this coming Tuesday. The visit includes going on a cruise for a week with the whole brood; all siblings, in-laws and grandkids. The only reason why I agreed to this was in response and appreciation to the credit they should get for supporting my efforts, irregardless of their intention.

I think that still stands. They do get the credit for the few years they gave me where I just focused on practice. But the withdrawal of long-term support brings things back to reality.

Embracing and understanding death is supposed to be my mission and should be the most important thing to me. And their habit of wheeling and dealing with money is their karmic reality. I do what I do, and that's what they do.