I do have two actual time bombs ticking, aside from my amorphous attestations towards suicide (no current concrete intention) or hope that my liver is on its last legs (most eggs in that basket).

Right before I left for the U.S., I got a preliminary diagnosis that I probably have glaucoma and I was referred to a specialist. I was given the option to start a course of eye drops by the doctor who couldn't definitively say I had glaucoma. With good intentions I opted to take the drops, but since then I still haven't gotten out to see the specialist for a more specific diagnosis and I've fallen off the regimen of taking the drops regularly; three different drops three times a day!

So loss of vision is possible if I keep on living. With no one pushing me to go see the specialist, I'm not sure when I'll motivate myself to go. Next month? Next year? Ever? Not to put too fine a point on the possibility of going blind, a likely possibility if I don't get this thing treated, is that my vision has been noticeably getting worse. It's probably a naturally occurring development called presbyopia, meaning "old eyes" (I learned that from Northern Exposure). Even though I'm still fine riding my clunker bike at night just to get around, it's been a while since I stopped going on road rides in the wee hours like I used to because I just don't trust my vision in low light anymore. And I always have to look over the rim of my glasses to read smaller print. Just reading, sometimes I just take my glasses off.

And of course my bank account is running down now. I haven't calculated how much time I have left according to how much money I have left, but it can't be much more than a couple years. Appropriately enough, capital(ism) is a much more relentless time bomb than the vagaries of biology.

It does remind me that my quickly dropping bank account is what precipitated my leaving San Francisco after a failed attempt. My current situation is quite different. I figure it's much more motivating now to succeed in an attempt should I run out of money. I created an escape back then, running back to New Jersey, trying out the monastery, and finally coming to Taiwan. I don't know what I was thinking. I'm curious to how I'll react this time.