Maybe if I wasn't so self-absorbed about suicide when I quit my job, and if I knew about the extent of my aunt in Japan's plight, I would have been motivated to be more selfless. Who cares that I didn't know then that I would still be around two years later, broke, and about to enter a monastery? 

Maybe I could have pushed up my timetable with the monastery so that I would have had savings that I could have sent to her as part of my liquidation of assets, a requirement for entering a monastery. If I wasn't ready yet, maybe I could have gone to visit her and given her some support. Let her know I haven't forgotten her and appreciated her selflessness so many years ago. 

Maybe. As it is, time has taken its course, and I had no idea what her situation was until my cousin here told me, and now I have nothing to offer. Maybe I'll think of something, if I don't use the "here and now" as an excuse to do nothing. 

My natural individual tendency is towards non-action (including with my own life). Things just happen in my world and I'm really not involved with any of it. A good stance in my own personal philosophy, even a good stance in "pure" Buddhism, but not a good stance in Engaged Buddhism (the monastery's philosophy), sometimes called Humanistic Buddhism, all an outgrowth of Mahayana Buddhism. 

I'm caught between wanting to be more engaged, helping, and being philosophically comfortable doing nothing and lacking self-motivation to move from that position. Buddhism, btw, has nothing to do with anything. I don't know why I insist on constantly getting all religious on yo' ass.