Kaohsiung, Taiwan

My parents are here and I couldn't avoid them. I really wanted to avoid them because I can't think of much else that creeps me out more than being in my parents' hometown with them. We don't have that kind of relationship.

We don't have the kind of relationship where they can take me around and show me places they remember or that were important to them. Places aren't important to them. Only money. We don't have the kind of relationship where I'm curious about this place where they grew up and have a lot of questions.

The kind of relationship we have is that they have their history in Kaohsiung and I have my experience in Kaohsiung, and they are totally, completely separate, and have nothing to do with each other.

I can even visit the house where my mother grew up, where one of my uncles still lives, and someone else can tell me about what happened there and what it was like, and I'd ask a lot of questions, but it has nothing to do with the kind of relationship we have now.

So it was supposed to be perfect when they said they'd be in Kaohsiung on Saturday and Sunday. I was planning to go to Taipei for the weekend to visit Dharma Drum Monastery for a one day retreat. But I not only came back early, they extended their stay until Tuesday. I'm leaving Taiwan on Wednesday.

No big deal. They have their things to do, and aren't pressing me to hang out with them. Ick. I had to help my cousin check out of the hospital, so it's been minimal time that I had to spend with my parents.

Both my cousin and my parents are encouraging me on the monastic path, but in completely different ways.

My cousin supports me wholeheartedly and said outright that it would be an honor to have a monk in the family. My parents are ashamed and asked me what they should tell their friends when they ask what I'm doing (I told them to lie and tell them I'm a lawyer, which is apparently what they've already been doing).

My cousin and I have talked a lot about it, and the feeling I get is how I really want to become a monk. It's a part of our path and our connection. What we find meaningful in life and in each other, that which is invisible to the eye, makes me view the monastic path joyfully.

A few minutes of talking with my parents and I'm so filled with heavily masked disgust and condescension that I realize I want nothing to do with the reality they live in and symbolize, and I really want to become a monk. I couldn't be surer of anything else in this life.

Wrong reason, but surely they encouraging me.