While I'm staying at their house, little contact is the best contact. I avoid them as much as possible, going out of my way and holing myself in my old room to avoid them. They put as little effort as possible to be in contact with me as well, which is actually quite offensive considering last month they wanted me to go to psychiatrist so that they could "understand" me.
This is how it's always been. When things aren't going the way they expect things to go, the way they've paid for things to go by raising us, they go into radio silence mode. So what was that shit about wanting to "understand" me? Baka. Idiots.
They're part of the black hole I've found myself in. I don't want to do anything. I have no motivation to move in my life. The closest people to me now are my parents, so that's a large part of the issue, the 'problem', maybe. I also feel I have no support to do anything. I certainly couldn't expect any support from anyone I know.
What the hell is this anyway about "support"? We're human beings, we're expected to pull ourselves out of the mud by our own bootstraps. Fuck support, how many people in the world move their lives without "support"? I'm such a weenie. I should just kill myself. Hahaha, which was my starting point all along until I recently gave it up. I crack myself up. I slay me.
December 26, 1997 - Josephine in Central Park
