Like I said, there was no way I was going down to Kaohsiung for New Years after my experience with family at my cousin's wedding two weeks ago. Not to put too fine a point on it, my uncle called on New Year's Eve asking me when I was coming down, and in the background was the obvious din of a family New Year's feast going on.
I was at work. I told him I had to work and I wasn't going down. Truth to tell, there was no expectation on their part that I was going. It was only my uncle, and probably my aunt, who even thought of it, and they only thought of it when it was obvious I wasn't going. If I was going, they would have known about it because I always give them plenty of advance notice when I visit.
During New Years season in Taiwan, all government, education and most commercial activity shuts down for at least three days. Up to 9 days. Western corporate-influenced establishments remain open, as well as entrepeneurial businesses that want to take advantage of the fact that no one else is open.
On one hand, only being in Kaohsiung could have emphasized my mute isolation more than being alone and friendless in Taipei. On the other hand, it was so peaceful in Taipei with sparse traffic on the streets, and knowing that the vast majority of the population were with family and enjoying themselves. It made me smile. It made me happy.
It's so odd and true that our general notion of happiness is conditional. We're happy because of some condition. Take away the condition, and we're not happy. So is happiness equal to the condition? I don't think so. They're not the same. But then is the happiness false if all it takes is to remove the condition to remove the happiness?
Remove the condition, remove the happiness. It doesn't seem right to me. But then where I am in life, happiness is almost arbitrary. I can decide to be happy. I can recognize that when I'm not happy, that's my choice. All told, shuffling through layers of psychology and karma, I wouldn't mind describing myself as being pretty happy.
For the entire New Year period, the newspaper is printing a truncated version of the paper, which means reduced staff with reduced hours. Tonight I got out at 9:30 instead of the usual 12:30, and I was the only editor with only two page designers. It was very relaxed.
It was spoiling me, and it'll really suck when we get back up to full press next week. I only work a couple days a week, but still, those days feel like they're going to suck. Even riding to work with reduced traffic on the street was wonderful. Why am I living in such a big city? I really need to be in a small town. Big cities crush me, plain and simple. The din, the rush.
Even just the crowds, the amount of people is pressure. The traffic is pressure. Even though I feed off of it. It's more apparent when I'm on my road bike. On my street bike, I'm more aware of just the pressure. But when I ride on city streets on my road bike, it becomes a challenge, a tournament, a game. I jockey and race almost out of instinct. I push because with a performance bicycle, I can.
Not touching the suicide issue in this, again I'm simply asking myself these days, sometimes telling, why not just be satisfied? Why not, why not, why not? And the answer is yea, why not? I can be happy, why not just be satisfied? And still there's something missing in all this.
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| MONDAY, JANUARY 19, 4:15-4:16 p.m. - Taoyuan Int'l Airport. Meeting my parents to send them off. That's a persimmons in the top pic. All Ricoh Caplio R4. |
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| WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 21, 7:42 p.m. - Maishuai Bridge #1 and Rainbow Bridge. |
