Saturday, March 28, 2009

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 25 - Kaohsiung, Pentax ZX-5n, Kodak BW400CN.

Cijin Island windmill park

4:13 p.m.
4:53 p.m. - 姿慧, on the left, my cousin on my father's side, and her friends.
5:29 p.m. - Port of Kaohsiung.
THURSDAY, MARCH 26 - Kaohsiung Cultural Center.

Central Park
4:53 p.m. - Central Park KMRT Station photostitch.
Back from a visit to Kaohsiung, having found out I can't leave the country until May 8 if I want Taiwanese citizenship, which I'm not sure I do, and with definite end dates for both the band and my current boss at work, I'm wonderfully adrift without a rudder.

It sounds like this weekend is my boss's definite last weekend (after his retirement ceremony which was held in early February), so I need to assess the new editor-in-chief to decide how much longer I'll stay.

One final gig with the band next Friday and the lead singer will be leaving for a while, which is my cue to bow out of that unpleasant situation.

What else?

Why do I even want to make a final trip back to the States to "wrap things up"? Why do I even want to wait until May 8 to get citizenship, which would be useless and superfluous – my current residency card allows me to stay and work in Taiwan beyond when I expect to move back to the U.S. anyway.

If I do want to stay, all I have to do is stay here one full year, but assuming I've found a reason to stay, staying here one full year won't be a problem. I should either go back and "wrap things up", or stay, but don't think that staying until May 8 is for the purpose of getting citizenship.

I find I don't want to move back to the U.S. – dead end. I find I don't want to move to Kaohsiung – dead end. This past trip there enlightened me to that fact.

Why am I replacing the drive train on my bike? Why do I want a faster hard drive computer? Why am I constantly accumulating more and more music on my iPod which I won't even listen to, much less get into, on shuffle play of almost 13,000 songs?

I need to get to my own personal truth, which has nothing to do with what anyone around me knows anything about. I need to wrest myself out of any paradigms people around me live in and see me existing in. There is no one whose life I wouldn't mind disappearing from, although I suppose that's always been the case. If I want to commit suicide, I should commit suicide. That is the meaning of the journey.

You've seen many beautiful scenery
You've seen many beautiful women

You've lost your way on maps for short periods of time

You've tasted the nights of Paris

You've stepped in snowy Beijing
You memorized your favorite truths you found in books

But you couldn't say the reason why you loved me
You couldn't say which of my expressions you admired
You couldn't say in which occasion I once moved you
You couldn't say the reason why you left

You accumulated many miles
You carefully collected souvenirs
You got to know on every map where the beautiful weather was

You embraced hospitable islands
You buried memories of Turkey
You lingered on beautiful scenes from movies that weren't real

But you couldn't say the reason why you loved me
You couldn't say which of my expressions you admired

You couldn't say in which occasion I once distracted you

You couldn't say the meaning of your travels


You reluctantly said why you love me
But you couldn't say which of my expressions you admired
You couldn't say in which occasion I once moved you
You couldn't say the reason why you left

You reluctantly said you sent me a letter
All of it reasons why you left me

You left me, all of it the meaning of travel