Gah, what a confusing, wonderful mess my life has become. It's going nowhere, but it came from nowhere, so that's perfect. I just want to smear my life along a wall like graffiti, or like a mental patient smearing shit on a wall.

I'm trying to get things to come to an end, I'm driving things towards coming to an end, and in doing so I feel like a sprinter getting ready in the starting blocks. Nothing makes sense anymore, and that's just perfect, wonderful. Enlightened?

Enlightenment is nothing. A sure sign of not attaining enlightenment is thinking enlightenment is an accomplishment, that it is something. But what is enlightenment? What was the enlightenment of the Buddha?

I think I already covered this. My opinion is that the Buddha's enlightenment was that he touched on the primordial essence and energy of the universe, the actual ground of being. Existence is but shit smeared on a wall, a medium that we call the universe.

The truth of the matter is that everything that manifests is illusion, it arises from the energy for no other reason than it is a random natural course of arbitrary being. Enlightenment is getting back to that fundamental being. But then what is the meaning of enlightenment?

Enlightenment has no meaning unless being is manifest. But enlightenment can't be reached until the lack of meaning of existence is attained. It's a pair of ducks. It's totally awesome!

However, enlightenment does have its manifestation in existence, embodied in a certain lifestyle and attitude. The attitude is more important than the lifestyle. Both are a matter of understanding and compassion. But that's just a manifestation. Understanding and compassion also have no meaning, otherwise they are further attachment to the illusion of reality. That's just awesome.

I'm going slightly mad, haha!