The timeline moves on and it is now past mid-March. Nothing's changed, but I'm still waiting.

Right now I'm waiting for this week to be over and I'll go to Kaohsiung next week and see if I can find anything about getting my Taiwan citizenship and finally being able to leave the country for the first time since last January. Then wait to see if my parents offer me miles to go to the U.S. next month. Of course, I'm not going to ask, they have to offer.

After I get back here, I don't know what I'll be waiting for. Maybe waiting for someone to push me to move to Kaohsiung. I won't ask about it, someone has to offer. Maybe it'll be time to stop waiting.

The weather's getting nicer and I've been getting out on rides more. Work is getting intolerable, but why can't I just be satisfied? I got a new toy camera – a local knock-off of the Vivitar Ultra Wide and Slim with a supposed 22mm plastic lens. I'm still assessing the results.

You know, for years and years I've subscribed to the just sitting form of sitting, but after years and years, I think it's time to move on. Instead of just letting mental activity flow like a stream, I'm getting more into actively shutting the activity off and clearing my mind of all the noise.

I think it's time. If I tried this before, I think I would have been very discouraged, because it's very hard, if not impossible. It's a constant struggle to keep a rein on my consciousness and not let my mind wander and beating it down whenever it does.

Thoughts themselves are karma, and shutting down mental activity is practice in shutting down karma – attachment and aversion.

I still have bad days when I go out and get annoyed by people – negative thoughts and reactions, but I think I have more good days when I lay off the judgment of the outside world. Again, I don't think I'll get rid of that karma, whatever it is, in this lifetime, but I think the efforts are worthwhile in that direction.

So sitting is no more 45 minutes of mental floating, but actively clearing any thought formations that inevitably pop up constantly. Focus on sound in the present moment, focus on breathing in the present moment, but once a thought forms, wrestle it down and plunge it down the drain.