It's time to start winding this blog down. Not many blogs like this anymore anyway. Maybe I'll try to update as least as possible, rather than most; only when there's something to update, otherwise just mark time passing, to mark that I'm still here.

I'm thinking I should affirmatively put suicide back on the agenda. I was thinking that I want control over this, I don't want to succumb to whatever – liver, kidney failure or whatever – and if I'm not doing it now, then I'm not taking control over it, because at any time I can get run over by a car or bus, especially the way I ride my bike.

Maybe it's the insomnia talking, but from what I hear, there are direct correlations between sleeplessness and suicide. There's a reason sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture, and I've never been one to say I could hold up to torture. I've always been weak that way. And maybe there's a reason for my insomnia. My unconscious is telling me something. Me and my unconscious need a better way of communicating. But I get the message loud and clear. If you can't sleep, you can't live.

So I can't sleep. I need a new paradigm. Maybe this is a breaking through to something else. Even realizing I can't work anymore because of this, which is another reason towards suicide. If I can't make my own way in the world, what right do I have being in it?

I've said all I've wanted to say here. All entries for however long have just been marking time. I don't need to do it that often anymore. Just superficial shit maybe. Otherwise, just move forward. Forward in an only way that I know and have always known. Just a few months more at most. I'm not looking through another winter.

Around my work area in Datong District. Nikon N70, Ilford XP2 Super.