I wish I was documenting something more substantial in my day to day, but I think a lot of it is just more of the same of the same that I've redundantly said over and over again repeatedly. Even the jokes apparently.

In addition, I feel I am losing my perceptual facility. Unable to relay what's going on. Dementia of some sort. Numbing. Drinking all the time with few drying out periods. Still running and riding, but recovery periods are getting longer and it's just harder to recover.

I'm still active, maybe not as much as I could be since I don't have a job, but everything is just dulled. Actually, having a job was a pretty dulling experience. I'm still practicing bass and drums for no purpose. Still shooting, but not as much as I want.

I need my photography to get more unconscious. I think too much and then I end up not taking a shot. The time between seeing a potential shot and pushing the shutter needs to be shortened drastically, just as an exercise. The shot doesn't have to be good, but I have to shoot.

I hang out with people sometimes, not particularly often. The Alex/Ginny thing seems to have dried up. I was always just an afterthought to Alex anyway, and Ginny never instigated contacting me. But Ginny is still capable of giving me the warm and fuzzies. She is now, after all, the last person I will likely ever kiss, but it's nothing based on anything real.

I have to watch letting the isolation and lack of personal contact get to me, and remember that it's what I want. I enjoy the isolation. Hermit ideal, remember?

What I want to do is still clear. When is not. And it's not always an easy issue, if ever. It's obvious, not easy. Sometimes I can't imagine the world without me (if there's no me, obviously I can't imagine the world). Not that I matter to anyone, I really don't. If I killed myself and succeeded in not leaving a body, it would take weeks before any alarms sounded. And then it would just be hypothetical abstraction.

I guess it's only mind-blowing to the extent that I'm so attached to this existence and this bodily interface I have with this reality that is by nature illusory. Which is ironically the exact opposite of my life thesis. But in some ways, I really am attached to my being here. It's all that I know. And that's what I'm looking at to get over next. After all, we all have to go at some point.

FRIDAY, MARCH 19 - Corner of Sanmin and Jiankang Rds. Rainbow V 22mm lens toy camera, Ilford XP2 Super.

12:25 a.m. - At Pierre and his roommates apartment. This is the evening of the 18th and precedes the Rainbow V photo.

12:50 a.m. - Yiti and Midori. Yiti was a strange duck I'd be acquainted with for a few months. Both would leave overseas. Yiti to France, Midori to Japan in just days, actually.

11:56 p.m. - Almost 24 hours later, this time at Yiti's place. Apparently she got a perm that day.

SATURDAY, MARCH 20, 6:51 a.m. - Yiti had gone to sleep, the rest of chatting all night and listening to music. We woke her up because Midori was leaving.