After getting through that long stretch of bad weather just fine, I was hoping I was over my S.A.D. I didn't even count how long we had bad weather, which is what I started to do during my first two years in Taiwan. I had a little daily weather diary so I had evidence to point to of how bad Taipei's weather was.

But Taipei is not Seattle, it's not the norm. I'm guessing it only happens during La Niña years. I can live with that. I did live with that in San Francisco, but it was El Niño over there that brought the bad winters.

But after this stretch of rain and gloom, we had off-and-on days, enough good weather that I've taken my bike out several times. Not to go on extended rides, but just to sprint through a 20-mile course along the riverside bikeways near my home. Just to maintain, likely in vain, some modicum of fitness.

Then today, it was *boom* gloom and doom day. S.A.D., that tightening, gripping feeling around the base of my neck. Probably no small factor for this reaction was that I agreed to fill in a shift at the newspaper today. It's true. It probably wouldn't have been bad if I could just huddle under the covers all day with my "huggie" pillow listening to music, the only thing that brings me solace these days. Am I the picture of depressive or what?

Eva didn't ask me if I could work any shifts next week, so that's a good sign that I won't have to go through the pre-work, social-phobic anxiety like today. I'm fine once I get into a situation. I'm fine once I sober up and can stop wondering if people can smell alcohol. But prior to it, I'm a mess. Well, my version of a mess, which I think looks pretty much the same as I always am.

And I have to meet up with my Mandarin teacher tomorrow for the first time since spring for language exchange. My language study is effectively on hold, but she needs to keep working on English because she's applying for some academic program and needs to improve her English.

And it looked like I was going to meet up with Alex and Ginny for the first time in months, since I lashed out at them for not being real friends. And they aren't. They're acquaintances who call me every few months to come out for drinks and all we do is sit around drinking beer awkwardly asking superficial questions to figure out what each other has been doing for the past several months when there has been no contact.

It got boring, and they have to prove they really want to be friends or else I can't be bothered. Oh, and Alex had pushed our acquaintanceship by asking a huge favor which should only be asked of someone you treat like a real friend. It was rude. That's why I lashed out and dissed her for a while. I unfriended Ginny on Facebook but then she re-requested being friends. When I unfriend someone and they ask to be friended again, they have complete immunity and I won't ever unfriend them again. Just one of my nutty rules for myself. 

I think I'd rather just stay in bed all day.