If for some reason I'm able to achieve what I want, no one will know what the last months of my life were like. Which is actually all for the better. No one needs to know. Just trying to maintain practice while not actually practicing.

No real highs, aside from the regular highs of mindful awareness of being alive and breathing, and in particular positive emotions through human expression through media . . . specifically Korean media, which seems really superficial, but that's where I ended up. Emotional highs also in listening to music.

No real lows, aside from a growing ennui and difficulty of getting through each day to day and wondering how I got to this point, which inevitably leads me to remind myself that I got here by leading myself here. No mystery.