I went up to Danshui on Monday. It was a rare warm, sunny day. It gave hope that La Nina was moving off and the constant rain and drear since all of last summer was coming to an end. But by late night Monday/early Tuesday, it was raining again.

And it has been relentless and temperatures have plummeted again. Monday was nature's way of giving northern Taiwan a big fuck you. I say relentless, but there have been brief periods where I haven't heard rain outside, and periods where it became a drizzle. Actually, right now I don't hear rain outside.

Needless to say, I haven't ventured up to Danshui again for what I consider now needed dress rehearsals. I've barely been able to get out of bed, much less force myself out of the apartment.

I wonder what this isolation has been doing to me psychologically. I don't want to say there has been much psychological effect, because I've been through psychological difficulties and they were a product of who I was and my experience at the time.

Ultimately, I decided I do have control over myself, my mind and my emotions, and those psychological and mental health issues were insubstantial and became irrelevant in the face of mindfulness training.

I know I have psychological issues, but they're in one realm of my being. During my stay at the monastery, one monk made me realize that becoming a monk meant having to deal with those hard issues involving my parents. Who knows? Maybe that was one reason that I declined becoming a monk.

I know I have psychological issues regarding my parents in one realm of my being. But on another realm of my being, those things are insubstantial and shouldn't be clung to or dwelt upon.

If I were to emphasize my having an identity in this physical existence (i.e., I'm a monk, I have a job, I am this person, I'm a musician, I'm a cyclist), I would have to deal with it. But I want to emphasize just moving on, get on with what I think my goal is, and this physical existence is acknowledged as temporary, transient, illusory.

There may be a psychological effect from this isolation and this alcoholism, but they are not important, not significant, not substantial. And that realization is the most important.