It's safe to say that my current life is only about distracting myself from my purported goal in life. And I tell myself if not for these distractions I use to distract myself, I would likely get on with it. There isn't anything left to say, I've said it all before.

You know, just 15 years ago it wasn't so easy to get onto the internet, and there weren't the structures on the internet that made it so essential to people's lives as it is today. Back then it was a rudimentary, burgeoning research tool and porn. Porn was there from the start.

But even 15 years ago, I had my distractions. However, 15 years ago my distractions were more substantive and had more potential for personal meaning. Remove my current distractions, I'm not sure I'd be able to conjure up other distractions.

And even though there's nothing left to say because I've said it all before, there is still looking back at the path that got me here. Lots of precious moments, lots of crashing and burning.

I do think I've been somewhat successful in transforming myself into a more benign entity that will leave less of a footprint on this physical, manifest world, and less attachment to karma creating activity or being. Shutting down the ego and the ego-attachment.

I think I have been quite successful in transforming negative impulses into understanding and compassion. Transforming victimized self-pity into understanding and positive letting go.

I do think I'm a very different person from just two years ago. Just looking back at two years ago, and I don't understand that person that was me. I don't understand what that person was doing or what that person's motivation was.