I don't know if I've mentioned anything about this, but I leave tomorrow for New Jersey for two weeks. If I haven't mentioned anything about it, it's because I've been dreading it; trying to block it out of my mind, hoping it will go away.

I really, really, really, really wish I wasn't going on this trip.

The only reason I agreed to go was I was trying to be a "good son". Parents mentioned it's their "50th anniversary", and they want to do something together as a family so I agreed.

"Something together" turns out to be Thanksgiving weekend at some resort in the Poconos.

Only later did I question "50th anniversary"? Any anniversary?! We're not the type of family that pays attention to anniversaries. Even without the kids, I've never heard of my parents celebrating any anniversary. The fact that they even got married is a total mystery. They've never talked about it or mentioned it, but as a family that doesn't talk about anything except the most superficial and meaningless things, of course they never would.

And this "something together as family"? All we've ever done together "as family" has been narrowly defined. If we all happen to be in the area, meaning me coming from wherever I'm living at a given time, the most we've ever done is gather at someone's house having ordered out a feast of Chinese food.

A resort? Everyone confined in this limited space for the entire Thanksgiving weekend? Quelle horreur. The focus will have to be my brothers' kids, my nephews and nieces. Me and my brothers can talk, but add in the parents and there is nothing to talk about. We aren't the talking type of family.

The last time we "did something as family" that wasn't a meal of take-out Chinese food was when I was in high school and my parents dragged us on a vacation in Europe. It was miserable. I was threatening to run away in England to get away from them permanently. It was a war zone in my teens.

So one reason I'm keeping this visit to a minimum of two weeks is because of the ridiculousness of this proposition. Also because it's winter. Also because I won't have a car. Also because parents are retired.

Since the last time I visited three and a half years ago, the situation has changed so that visits have near zero appeal. I'm just going to hunker down and try to disappear. Whatever imaginings the parents have of me being there is diametrically opposed to anything I am.

I don't know what the parents think they can pull off, but whatever they imagine for their lives now that they're retired, if it includes me, they're sadly mistaken. We're not that kind of family. If they want things to be a certain way now, they should have thought about that a long time ago to make it possible.

But the way they raised us was incommunicado. There was no communication, they didn't cultivate "doing things together". As such, I think it's ridiculous that they can hope for it now, and I'm not willing to go along with it.

They mention family reunions every year now. No. They contemplate it because they're retired and have the time for it. It's in their convenience. They never did any work to cultivate any family feelings. And as much as they've provided, they've never sacrificed anything for their children. The money they provided, they were making for themselves as well. The money they spent was a mandatory part of their world view where siring progeny was expected.