Maybe. Because I wanted to go the gym yesterday, but realized I was just too tired and that it would be a bad idea. It wasn't a matter of not wanting to get out and using that as an excuse to not go. I actually wanted to go and realized I was too tired. I even ended up taking a nap which I rarely do in the afternoon, so that all attests to being smart taking a rest day.
This morning I was back to back-end insomnia but with a twist. And it was a marginal back-end insomnia because I think I got almost five hours sleep before waking up. Five hours is enough rest to not consider it insomnia, even if I would like to sleep a few more hours. The twist was in the dreams. During the slides into light sleep that occur during back-end insomnia I do sometimes dream, I've mentioned before.
The first dream just naturally happened, a lot of random elements, no real plot. A tourist bus at a stop, lots of people. Then a distraction in a café and then realizing that I was late to rejoin the group, but my shoes were missing and I had to find them first. All the people were gone except for one little kid who was running back to the bus, also late, and I yelled to him, "Matthew! Tell them I'm right behind you". But running all over the site, I couldn't find my shoes. I was barefoot, anxious, I was making people wait for me, I was alone, there was no sign of my shoes. It sucked. I didn't like the feeling.
I stopped and thought, "Forget it, I'm not doing this. I'm pushing out". I didn't think I was sleeping and dreaming, but there was an element of recognition that I could get out. On some level I must have been aware that it was a dream and I was forcing myself to wake up, but I didn't actually think I was lucid dreaming. But I pushed "up", upward towards consciousness, I suppose. I went up through several layers, even doubting if this was going to work, wondering how would I know what was waking reality and not another dream? But I finally visualized what I should see if I was awake and saw my room and the environs and then I opened my eyes and there I was.
And then I was frustrated with myself because I was having insomnia, I had fallen asleep since I was dreaming, and in the dream I forced myself awake. That was a groggy thought, though, since I know that kind of sleep is very light and I would've waken up anyway.
But that's not even the twist! The twist is at least two times afterwards I was able to push myself back down into a dream. I wasn't pushing myself into sleep but into a dream state. In an insomniac haze, I thought of trying it, visualized the sinking down out of wakefulness and it worked!
And then I was frustrated with myself because I was having insomnia, I had fallen asleep since I was dreaming, and in the dream I forced myself awake. That was a groggy thought, though, since I know that kind of sleep is very light and I would've waken up anyway.
But that's not even the twist! The twist is at least two times afterwards I was able to push myself back down into a dream. I wasn't pushing myself into sleep but into a dream state. In an insomniac haze, I thought of trying it, visualized the sinking down out of wakefulness and it worked!
The first one was very fragile and I knew it was tenuous and tried to move as little as possible while stuff happened around me. The dream started in a room and I could see out a window and saw some Asian faces, but then the scene was a collegiate-feeling urban courtyard and I couldn't tell if people were hostile or not.
A later dream I forced myself down into was more stable and I was aware that I was dreaming. In fact, I was so aware of it that there was a part with a woman I knew in California and I thought, "I'm dreaming, I can totally grab her boobs" and did and she had no problem with it. My, my, my, what the hell is my subconscious doing for realz? Just goes to show no matter how old a guy is, there's a libidinous 16-year old boy in there somewhere.
There was also a part where I was on a bus and one person there knew I was dreaming and another who didn't. I was looking out the window to try to get a reference to where it was so I could look it up later and see if it was a place I'd been before. Except I was having trouble reading, and what I could read I couldn't retain a memory of. The person who didn't know I was dreaming asked me what I was doing and I told him and he helped read out a place name, and I did retain that name even after waking up, but thinking I could remember it, left it at that and . . . have since forgotten it. Of course.
A lot of random, chaotic dream elements not worth mentioning, aside from knowing I was a dreamer and investigating the dream world. One thing I noticed was the feeling of each dream scene as being enclosed. Like being on that bus, but the bus wasn't traveling. It was moving but it wasn't leaving that town.
Another part involved being in a house with a bunch of people (there was a woman with a moustache and a penis, or maybe just a naked man, I didn't linger) and I couldn't find my way out of the house. I could see where the exits were, but couldn't navigate myself there. It felt like there were definite borders to each dreamscape that people might not notice if they were just dreaming.
A later dream I forced myself down into was more stable and I was aware that I was dreaming. In fact, I was so aware of it that there was a part with a woman I knew in California and I thought, "I'm dreaming, I can totally grab her boobs" and did and she had no problem with it. My, my, my, what the hell is my subconscious doing for realz? Just goes to show no matter how old a guy is, there's a libidinous 16-year old boy in there somewhere.
There was also a part where I was on a bus and one person there knew I was dreaming and another who didn't. I was looking out the window to try to get a reference to where it was so I could look it up later and see if it was a place I'd been before. Except I was having trouble reading, and what I could read I couldn't retain a memory of. The person who didn't know I was dreaming asked me what I was doing and I told him and he helped read out a place name, and I did retain that name even after waking up, but thinking I could remember it, left it at that and . . . have since forgotten it. Of course.
A lot of random, chaotic dream elements not worth mentioning, aside from knowing I was a dreamer and investigating the dream world. One thing I noticed was the feeling of each dream scene as being enclosed. Like being on that bus, but the bus wasn't traveling. It was moving but it wasn't leaving that town.
Another part involved being in a house with a bunch of people (there was a woman with a moustache and a penis, or maybe just a naked man, I didn't linger) and I couldn't find my way out of the house. I could see where the exits were, but couldn't navigate myself there. It felt like there were definite borders to each dreamscape that people might not notice if they were just dreaming.
