I'm too old to be doing this. I feel kinda stupid. I don't know how to be all clever and hip like the young, clever, hip kids who do this. Maybe I just need to write LiKe tHiS and type stuff like this: >><<***, which apparently mean something, and I'll be cool. Not that anyone I know accepts me as an adult. I'd feel pretty stupid acting like an adult, too. 401K, buying property, calling this job a career, finding someone to marry and create a family, blah, blah, blah. On the inside I feel like I'm nearing retirement age.

Growing old means things that you might be passionate about get watered down. A bunch of people got laid-off last Friday, a lot of friends, a lot of people who I felt didn't deserve it. I had called in sick that day, and then on Monday my boss called in sick. So the first time I talked to her about it was this morning. She's pretty high up, so she knew all about it before they happened. But our team is close, communications are pretty open, and she's looking out for us. And instead of complaining about it and standing up for the little people on principle, I just kept an even keel and talked about it objectively, which in that context was pro-management. I didn't condemn it because I know she's part of the structure. No outrage, no raging against the machine. If I'm a grown-up, I'm a pretty pathetic one. Or just lazy.