I am so done. What am I gonna do for the next two months? I go back to San Francisco tomorrow, back to routine, back to the daily juxta-diametrically-opposing facets of my non-life, wondering about the walls. I'm not living. I'm not going to just continue this for the sake of people not having to deal with my not continuing this.

My brother just got married, congratulations to him. We're at marrying age. We have gotten to the stage in life where we need to move on to the next step. Get married, start a family, buy a property, that's what's supposed to be next, the paradigm of my background and upbringing dictates. But fuck if I'm gonna live to those paradigms. And really fuck if I can't come up with a new paradigm of my own.

I wish upon my brother, both of my brothers, and actually every one I know, a happy life, a fulfilled growing old. But doing that myself just goes against every screaming fiber of my being. It almost offends me.


The Einstein exhibit at the Museum of Natural History in New York. I think this exhibit was the effect of extreme gravity on light. I can see I was wearing my Genesis concert shirt from 1987.