After one week of Winter self-imposed/designed practice period, I'm exhausted with the routine, but it's really good. I'm doing this because I got the sense that monasteries usually do something special during the Winter months; some intense, focused period of practice.
Deer Park is in its Winter Retreat until the end of March; SF Zen Center is doing a Winter practice period until the beginning of April; and I've read about at least one other place, too. But true to my non-conformist, rebel without a cause, bad self, I'm not joining with some group.
I'm glad about that. At least at this point. Especially since I'm still leary of organized religion and don't want to be a "part" of something unless I can convince or prove to myself it's not contrived. Whatever that means.
So I'm doing my own thing contiguous with SFZC's practice period. At the center of it is joining their sitting periods during the morning and evening five o'clock hours (this involves setting my alarm for 4:55, being out the door within 10 minutes, and riding the 1.81 miles to the center), in addition to my home sitting during the morning and evening eight o'clock hours.
This is theoretically supposed to go on until the end of March. But . . . counting down. Do I give notice on my apartment on March 1st? I can't go on like this too much longer. Do I not? Do I "not"? And when?
Things changing. Things spiraling. Counting down.
"There's something solid forming in the air
And the wall of death is lowered in Times Square
No one seems to care
They carry on as if nothing was there
The wind is blowing harder now
Blowing dust into my eyes
The dust settles on my skin
Making a crust I cannot move in
And I'm hovering like a fly
Waiting for the windshield on the freeway"
**SPLAAAAT!!!**
- "Fly on a Windshield" (Genesis)
