Dear sempai,
I made it to America like I said I would! Did I say I was trying to come to America? Or did I say Japan? I'm not sure, because actually I did find Japan, but then my family moved to America before I was born. Bastards. So maybe I was trying to come to America. But since I've inexplicably always tried to get to Japan, maybe I was trying to reach Japan in the first place. Is that funny?

In fact, "sempai" is a Japanese word for "senior". I am using it because that is what I feel you are, and I don't remember what I called you in our previous common language. We don't have something like that in English. It suggests respect for someone older or more experienced, perhaps like a mentor, but it can also suggest closeness, informality, familiarity. And I feel we were close, so it feels like it fits.

Were we supposed to meet in Japan? If so, I'm sorry. I failed. Maybe you are looking for me and not finding me. Psych! Sorry, just kidding. Maybe my recurrent impulse to leave this life is really a subconscious desire to give ending up in Japan a second try to find you. It would be a stretch, but in this realm, who knows?

We are lucky. We know not to be deceived by appearances, and that death is just a passage. How many countless lives have we already lived and died, and how many more will we? You and I, we know our journey and that we will always meet again eventually. Do you remember when I was re-born as a spider and you helped me come back as human by showing me mercy and sparing me? No? Neither do I.

But I also understand if you wouldn't want me to go through that needlessly. I don't have any clear recollections, but I have an imagination (something imagined/imaged, it's not a real word, I'm making it up) that the dying process is never a walk on the beach, no matter how many times we go through it or how well we prepare for it. And those damn spiders always creep the fuck out of me! If I could get over my fear of spiders, I think the spiders would stop appearing, wouldn't they? I'm working on it.

I also had a wonderful imagination of flying through the sky, across the world, and finding a place (Japan?) and falling from the sky like an unseen star to be re-born. That part of death is fun once you get the hang of it and it stops being like crashing an airplane and ending up being re-born in Sri Lanka.

America isn't that bad, truth to tell. The environment has been very good for learning, some great ideas, but there are also many distractions and a high potential for confusion. There are things that I feel I shouldn't be doubting, but I doubt because of the mentality with which people are raised here. I can think of better places we could have agreed to look for each other. But I can think of worse. And I've already used up my quota of using "Sri Lanka" once in this letter.

I'll try to write again, even though I have no idea who you are or how this could possibly reach you. But the internet is great, it goes everywhere and who knows how much farther? Ten years ago I would have written this on paper, burned it, and tossed the ashes in the river! Haha, I can't even imagine how that would have gotten to you. With the internet, I hope this digitized information will seep out into some sub-space realm and reach you subconsciously or telepathically *weeooweeooweeoo*, trab pu kcip, trab pu kcip, red rum! Nevermind, ignore that if you didn't get it. I'll explain later.

Maybe we should just screw Japan and meet up back at home. Eventually ;)