Whispers, echoes, impressions, resonances. That's what makes up the bulk of my reality now. No events forming new memories, no concrete substance or matter, no defined acts.

Just as in more maddening phases when I believed it was possible to reach out to the edge of my field of vision, grab hold of it like it was a movie screen, and peel it away. Reality perceived was just a three dimensional interactive projection created by my imagination.

And if I could create it, I could destroy it. I still basically believe that is the essential nature of physical reality. It's not substance.

Action is no less amorphous. Or there are different levels of action.

Someone reminded me about an old Zen nugget: A monk was asked, "What are you doing?", "I'm sitting", "Why are you sitting?", "So that I can become a Buddha". The first monk then picked up a tile and started polishing it. After a while, the second monk could no longer contain his curiosity and asked, "What are you doing?", "I'm polishing this tile", "Why?", "So that I can make a mirror", "How can you make a mirror by polishing a tile?", "How can you become a Buddha by sitting?"

What are we doing when we sit? Who knows? That's why I dislike the term "meditation" in reference to sitting. When strangers ask me, "Do you meditate?", I find I can't answer that. I've come to respond with, "That's a good question, do I meditate?", as if I'm asking them.

If they ask "Are you meditating?", that's easier to respond to. "I'm trying", "I try", "Oh, thanks for reminding me". But "Do you meditate?", suggesting a concrete act that starts at one point and ends at another is just inaccurate. It's an inaccurate assumption so loaded and basic that I'm uncomfortable clarifying it. "Do you sit?", "Yes". It's incomplete, but at least it's accurate. "Is the sky blue?", "Of course not".

Crap, I lost my train of thought. I'm gonna go play video games.