I guess I did drop it like a bombshell on my parents that I was leaving San Francisco and moving back to New Jersey within two weeks time. The first week I was back here, there was the expected discussion and concern about my future plans and job prospects.

Then it happened, my father said something in broken English that was sarcastic and obnoxious, forgetting what he never knew – that he had lost all rights to take that patronizing tone of voice with me when I unilaterally dropped and forgot everything I took issue with about them back in 1996.

Things were bad before then. Then almost overnight they had a son who was talking to them. They didn't ask what happened, they just went along with it and gave no indication how they felt about the sudden disappearance of tension and resentment.

I lost it in the moment, and I took what he said emotionally and didn't respond with a joke like I should have so that we could all laugh it off, depending on whether or not they could figure out the joke, which often depends first on whether they can figure out the English.

I have no idea what I said. I have no idea what he said. I blocked it all out almost immediately. I remember being ashamed at my slip, I'm supposed to have grown, I'm supposed to be better than that. But I do think he realized what thin ice he was suddenly on, and how quickly things could revert to pre-1996 tension.

Thin ice? I don't know. That suggests that he cares, and I'm really not convinced that he does in the conventional sense. It may very well be that he was concerned that things didn't revert to pre-1996, and the thin ice he was avoiding had nothing to do with how I felt.

I responded the next day by informing them that I would definitely be out of the house by the end of August. They back-pedaled like they've always back-pedaled before once they were faced with the damage they did. But I'm not that forgiving, and the end of August deadline stands; which is probably for the better and wiser anyway since an extended stay here certainly was not in the plans in the first place.

Since then, not a word about what I'm doing, what I'm going to do, where I'm looking for a job, what sort of job I'm looking for, that I'm looking for a job – nothing. Virtual radio silence on the topic.

I have an idea what is going on here, but I'm not going to go into it – way too complicated, as family matters tend to be. I don't think I would go quite so far as to call them psychological mind games, I don't think they intend it. I don't think they are masters of their ploys, but I think calling them subconscious psychological mind games describes it just about right.

They are just acting in character. I just have to be careful not to get caught in old family habits that I've outgrown and stay on my own path and not be swayed by any irrational emotions, and remember that they won't be affected by anything I choose to do. They won't let themselves be affected. That's not in their character.