trying to unmuck. going into incoherent mode.

Whent to DDM's international practice session yesterday. for the first time since April. it was good because there were only three of us aside from the monk leading. prolly a good thing i missed last week when they said 10 people showed up. too many for my tastes. Will probably go again next week. no prognosis on after that. trying to open my heart but people tend to make me shut it down. you have that affect on me.

Zen is still a good tool. After wandering away from zen for a while and finding other teachings, going back to it I find it is doing what I learned in other teachings also. What I don't like is dogma such as saying zen is the most direct way. everyone says that. even the Dali Llama says that about Tibetan Buddhism. I think they're all right, I just think it's useless making such pronouncements. and not.

Even my Thai classmate. He lent me a book that I'm finding to be really good. It's of the Theravadan tradition – Thai, forest tradition, conservatively sticking to direct teachings sourced to the Buddha. It purports to get to the heart of the teachings and practice, it's all we need to know, the most basic and pure teaching. I think it's right. or not. either way I just don't care about such characterizations. just makes me think you're trying to convince me of something, yo'm sayin' homeslice?

All these people who think they know what they're talking about.

Or. no. All these people talking like they think they know me.

no.

All these people talking, and me thinking they think they know what they're talking about me.

bastards. no one knows what they're talking about.

actually, at the DDM session, I brought up my recent thoughts about service, and the monk didn't respond or say anything like he knew exactly what I was talking about and knew what to say. I appreciated that.