So after establishing a time for a 4-mile run pushing it, I decided to do the same 4-mile run, but not pushing it, which means running to the best of my ability, but laying off if it was getting hard. Final time was 30:48; 8 seconds slower than last time, and average 7:42 miles. I was surprised I wasn't slower, but actually it makes a lot of sense. I like it when things make sense. It was slower because I wasn't pushing it, but it wasn't drastically slower because I'm still at a stage where I'm improving my time each run, and the last time pushing it was part of the process.

I did get a nasty bit of news from an old friend. Turns out she has cirrhosis and has just begun treatment. It's not the kind of cirrhosis you get from alcoholism, but it's kinda weird that I know that's where I'm headed, and she gets a liver disease out of nowhere. I'm hoping they caught it in time. This isn't saying anything, but she mentioned her symptoms leading up to getting this diagnosis, and they matched many that I've experienced recently. More importantly, not all of them matched, and I've experienced health-related issues that she didn't mention.

Liver disease is a funny thing. You can have a set of symptoms and have liver disease, but someone else with the exact same symptoms might not have it. And another person might not have any of those symptoms, but have liver disease.

I don't know what was the symptom that made her go check it out. I know that under no conditions am I going to a doctor voluntarily. That's one of my hang-ups; one of my "things". I never go see a doctor. The last time I did was when we got health insurance at work in San Francisco, and it was a "what the hell" kinda thing. It turned out I had a condition that the doctor treating me previously had. After he heard my description of the symptoms and examined me, he said, "You don't seem to be particularly bothered by this. You probably figured it would just go away, but just came in out of curiosity".

I was startled, he was exactly right. I was feeling a pain, but it didn't feel at all that it was pain being caused by damage, that something was wrong. If it weren't for people urging me to take advantage of the firm's health plan, I would've ignored it. He then admitted he had it before and that was his reaction as well. He told me his went away after a short duration, and I should probably expect the same. A nerve was being impinged upon, but it would adjust itself in time and the pain would go away.

Anyway, I envision the path I would take for some serious liver issue very differently. No doctors, no treatment, no medication. Just let it take its course. I knowingly brought it on, why would I suddenly turn around and try to fight it? I would consider how I deal with it as part of my journey and I would treat it like all phenomena I encounter and examine it and try to understand it and my feelings and reactions. I wouldn't get sucked into it emotionally, I wouldn't be upset or despair over it. Any emotional episodes would also be viewed as part of the process and the journey. I wouldn't be numb about it, just mindful.