It started with Robin Williams dying and me saying I wasn't severely depressed and I didn't even consider myself depressed. Then I said saying those things were problematic, basically retracting those things, but positing mindfulness training as the control on any depression possibly affecting me.

Since then, depression has poofed up and loomed. Mindfulness training staring it down was a joke to the depression. "You think you can stare me down? Stare down this", and waves and clouds formed around me and it did take an effort to get things back in perspective.

And things aren't totally back in perspective. Things are still a bit of a mess, but that's what the wrong view on reality is. It's a mess. It can be a mess.

I do believe in the teachings, I do believe in the method of cutting through perceived reality to get to what is often called "ultimate" reality. My support is the teachings themselves. No support comes in human, perceived reality form.

I didn't go to the gym for a week. I did go for a couple of rides. I went to the gym today and felt pretty good. I completed a 5k last week at a decent 7:46 pace. Today I just went for 30 minutes at a slower pace without hint of injury.

It's still hot in Taipei, but the hell hot of summer seems to have broken. That's good for riding. I rode over 300 miles in July, but it was hard. I'm thinking summer months are not riding months. I didn't ride in August until this past week and I'll be lucky if I can get over 100 miles this month.

Hell hot over and just being hot now is kinda the equivalent of the hottest days of summer in New Jersey. I can live with it. Again, as long as rain isn't forecast, I'll ride.

It's convenient, isn't it? I'm philosophically suicidal. If I just succumbed to depression, suicide is a logical outcome. But I say any depression I have is tempered by mindfulness and I wouldn't commit suicide just out of depression. But I'm mindfully philosophically suicidal, which still allows for suicide.

It's problematic. Problematic maybe for you, bitches, not for me.