It all started with that missed flight to Japan, that expired passport, early November.
I think of all of 2002 as sucking serious monkey ass, but it really was just dull and annoying. But it was at that point, when I first saw the expired expiration date in my passport that things started getting dark (that and Daylight Savings having ended).
November and December have been my old nightmare, the ones with spiders, demons, and sharks. And mental wards and me. It was only the last two months, but those two months tainted the rest of the year, and not even 10 months of dull and annoying could redeem the year.
And the result? The end of 2002 finds me trying to "connect, George. Connect".
Partly connect with who I was before, a me I liked, who walked through life outside of it; detached from it, with compassion, and not the negative hater I've become.
In an effort to make that connection, I've found myself going through the motions of what I should do, might have done, said, think, feel, given circumstances. I'm learning to do the right actions again, and I know the actions are right because I've done them before, but the understanding, the sincerity is no longer there. I need to connect the actions with the understanding on a visceral level.
But there is something else that I'm trying to connect with that is more elusive. Something about a past life, or a past character, or maybe a past ghost. There's something else out there towards which every fiber of my being screams, "Connect, George. Connect". I'm not sure what it is, so it really is very, very flaky.
<music="start" value="Something's Coming - West Side Story">
My blog is now making fun of me.
Happy New Years suckers folks!!
Reflections on 2002: 2002 in a list of 10:
1. Moved from Noe Valley to the Mission District.
2. Started blogging.
3. Quit the band, Fiction.
4. Work started SUCKING!.
5. Weekend riding.
6. Befriended Sadie after being rejected as drummer for her band.
7. Getting hit by fucking SUV.
8. Visited Madoka in Japan.
9. Peter Gabriel released a new record and toured (finally met Meghan, yay!), yay!
10. Officially gained born-again virgin status!
