PBS re-aired the last "American Experience" about New York which focused solely on September 11. That was one heavy day. If we could have held onto that feeling, if it had lasted, would we be better people? Would we be a better country? The sentiments of compassion and understanding people expressed, the philosophical depths that people reached about how quickly and easily our lives could end. How quickly and easily we could become sad.
Needless to say, it didn't last, and the vast majority of people were ultimately unaffected in their hearts, in my opinion. I don't know what's in other people's hearts.
And the execution in California of the founder of the Crips gang, who started writing children's books on Death Row, warning kids about the dangers of gangs and drugs. Here was someone who was doing good, and it resonated when I read someone say if he isn't a candidate for redemption (clemency), who is? And another who asked would Arnold now go into the inner cities and try to keep kids out of gangs?
And on the other side, there were people outside San Quentin yelling "Kill him!" Damn. Kill him. Kill. Who has that right? He doesn't, and the courts found that he had killed. And the response now is to kill him. But I think his killing people was not just about something innate about this human being that should now be snuffed out, over and done with.
His killing people was him wrapped up in the totality of the circumstances of his upbringing and situation. What does killing the human being accomplish if the circumstances are still out there?
And I don't know, but the circumstances surrounding a government killing a person doesn't compare to the circumstances surrounding a black, inner city kid with no prospects, no advantages growing up in a disempowering system and social fabric that ultimately has him making a horrid choice of killing people, maybe even enjoying it by some accounts.
I'm just thinking this through. I'm not hardcore anti-death penalty, I'm generally against it for fuzzy reasons, but the issue is too messy for me to argue one side or another. I'm thinking of this one person, I think his name was Tookie Williams. Stanley "Tookie" Williams, I think.
Williams suffered because of his circumstances, and he caused suffering to other people, the victims and the victims' families. Then his surrounding circumstances changed again, including about six years of solitary confinement, and he started writing books that got him nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize.
Is it unrealistic to think that Williams's writings might save lives from stopping kids from joining gangs and entering a life of violence?
Might he have saved one life by changing the circumstances of an inner city kid so that he doesn't become a murderer? So that another family doesn't suffer like the families of Williams's victims? Is it so far-fetched to think that because the victims' families lost a loved one, there is this person now with great street-cred writing books that might prevent another family from suffering like they are? Is there no solace in that?
Maybe not, I'm just thinking, no conclusions.
I moved to California not long after the death penalty was reinstated in the 90s. I didn't pay too much attention to death penalty cases because the issue is so polarized black and white, and life and death to me are very gray. But Williams' execution made me quite sad, and when I went to sleep at 2 o'clock EST Tuesday morning, I knew that we would be executed in an hour, midnight PST. I knew when I woke up, he'd be dead. I went to bed like I always do, like we all do.
There is a visualization meditation of being on Death Row. I've never been guided through it, but I've done something like it on my own while sitting. Waiting to die. Like the night before you're going to take an overseas flight, you're counting down. Like the day before an important job interview, you're counting down. You do things while you're counting down, you eat, you pack, you prepare. And time will pass and you'll go and catch your flight and go to your destination, or you'll get ready and go to your job interview and get it or not. Or you count down and you die. You're dead. It's all over. This is all over.
