Wow! Hyun Ae is staying for at least another term! That was a surprise. There were a bunch of reasons why she decided to go back, one of which was her mother's bad health, but in the end, her mother told her to stay here for the same reasons I used to convince her to stay. But all of this is coming from her, so it might not be coincidence. What her mother said and what I said might have combined in her head, so that when she told me what her mother said, it sounded exactly like what I said.

Too bad, since I was getting used to the idea of her leaving and starting over again in Taipei, not knowing anyone here. And after all, has she really been that good of a friend? It's all mucked up.

Human relations are so mucked. I was reminded of this when Sadie got back in touch with me last month. We exchanged a few emails, and I was reminded that even as she was my best friend in San Francisco in the end, and I think of her fondly, there was muck in our human relations.

We met when I auditioned for her band. They rejected me but still wanted to be friends with me. The basis of our friendship was her rejecting me from her band. When our emails started talking about music, I was reminded about that, and it didn't feel good.

Especially when our last phone conversation before we cut off for almost two years was her telling me what a bad friend I was because I wasn't open enough. I don't think that was the substantive issue, though, and I don't hold anything against her from that conversation.

What I do hold against her is the idea that I've always been pretty low priority for her. Her value in my friendship has always been below her boyfriend, understandably, her band, her bandmate, all band related matters and people, and no doubt other things I don't even know about.

I don't feel like our friendship was separate and had its own value, I definitely feel that my value was below all those other things. The reason is because music is central to both of us, was central to our meeting, and was a component even within our friendship.

I should keep in mind that I was referring to Hyun Ae as a "Sadie" here. Both of them I consider in my mind as being really good friends. The reality of both is probably that they're not. Story of my life.

In the words of Nigel Tufnel, "mucky-muck".