asshole

Sometimes you meet a major asshole, and to assert your superiority you tell yourself you wish nothing bad upon this asshole. But really, deep inside, you do. The guy's an asshole. He deserves the worst. He brings it upon himself.

But really I don't believe that's the way it works. You really do have to wish nothing bad upon this asshole, and push and push yourself to wish nothing upon this asshole. Whether you wish anything bad upon this asshole won't affect anything.

If the guy is really an asshole, his asshole-ness is his own, will be his own doing, and has nothing to do with what I wish for. But, if deep inside I wish something bad upon this asshole, that affects me. That's me. That's me being the asshole.

If he's an asshole and I think asshole things will happen to him as a result, that's wrong. That's me being the asshole and asshole things happening to me. That negativity is me being the asshole.

You keep using that word. I don't think it means what you think it means.