It's so easy to move my hand from here to here. It's so easy to control it. But when I try to hold my mind in one place for five minutes, it's impossible. Within seconds my mind wanders and suddenly I'm somewhere else, in the past, in the future, certainly not sitting here on this cushion.

That was last October. Why is it so hard to control my own mind? Why is it so hard to still my thoughts? What is the nature of thought? What kind of energy is it that makes controlling it so elusive?

The zen training is to just let it go. When I realize I'm wandering, bring it back . . . at least for the few seconds before it goes wandering off again like cattle, meandering like Taipei pedestrian traffic.

Recently I try treating the wandering thoughts as stones. Words are a heavy thing, they weigh you down. They prevent me from lifting up, from flying, from liberating. The thoughts come as words, the words are stone, let them fall to the bottom, knowing they are weighing me down.

Everyone already is enlightened. That was resonating today as I was walking home. It's just mine and our minds that have this thing, maybe call it habit, of distinguishing this from that, me from you. When really there is no separation.

We are all formed from the same materials that formed this Earth, this solar system, this universe.

And the energy that forms our consciousness, our being, even more closely related. Everyone's different opinions, different beliefs are just illusion, thoughts, stones weighing us down. Separated by the trivialities of physical existence, habitual existence that makes us think we are physical.

They really are all the same, all reconcilable, and all correct. I can't disagree with anyone else's spiritual or philosophical belief. How can I? If they tell me their belief, it is mine. They can only tell me their belief if it was mine in the first place, or how else can it be formed.

Hiccups have been occuring more frequently, randomly. My gut feels hard as rock. Trying to finish this Motown mix for Hyun Ae. Starting tomorrow, I'm no longer drinking in the morning. I don't want to drink in the morning anymore. Anyone who wants this Motown mix is welcome to it. I'll post it when I finalize it.

Drop the thoughts like stones, and maybe I can rise like sky lanterns:
Sky Lanterns 天燈