I was a bit proud of the fact that I got home from work and didn't have a drink until I was ready to go to sleep, until I found I couldn't get to sleep.
I will not go through what I went through last year.
If hiccups persist, if insomnia persists, I simply will find myself fully justified in self-destructing in any novel way that my imagination fancies.
"Insomnia is a common and debilitating disorder that results in substantial impairments in a person's quality of life, reduces productivity and increases the risk for psychiatric illness," says senior author Paul Shaw, Ph.D.
The full force of my negativity comes to the fore as I declare how much I hate my life and my existence. It's worthless, it's a waste; at the same time as I declare how much I can do with my life if I let it. I don't fucking care.
A life can't go on without active positive elements; and a careful examination of mine, there are no active positive elements; only passive positive elements. The active negative elements trump. Psychosis prevails.
Work conditions are woefully not helping. I've defined active elements that will make me quit, and I have a co-worker who is trying to avoid those elements coming to fruition. But if this continues, it is out of his or my control. I will quit. And if I quit, I will tell no one, but just let my bank account deplete until there's simply nothing left.
Simply nothing left means simply nothing left.
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| THURSDAY, JUNE 4, 4:34 a.m. - Where I don't sleep during insomnia. |
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| 4:56 p.m. - Neighborhood park at the end of the alley where I live. |
