I don't know what got into me at the beginning of this year that I wanted to get running and riding into full swing as quick as possible this year. Maybe it was because in Taiwan we celebrate both the Western New Year and Lunar New Year soon after. We get a dual dose of wanting some kind of renewal.

It didn't quite go as planned, as Taiwan's Spring weather is pretty patchy and rain often kept me grounded at strategic times, taking the wind out of my sails. And then there have been the health issues – alcoholism inhibiting performance – that have been dogging my riding.

I've been focusing on riding more than running. My runs so far have been haphazard and without clear targets and without the usual progressive program. I've only gone on a few 30 minute runs without regard to distance or fitness, and I can't say I've been impressed by the results. After the runs, I've been limping home with severe knee pain.

I went for a run tonight with the same idea in mind – 30 minutes. As a general target, in 30 minutes I should be able to run 4 miles – which would equate to an average of 7:30 per mile; a modest target for that distance.

I planned to run a 4 mile course I measured out last year, but with a twist. The course was along the Keelung River and had 2 river crossings on either end of the run. There are 2 footbridges in between, and I planned to cross the river each time I came to a crossing, which added 4 more crossings (in both directions) – clearly more than 4 miles; perhaps more than 4 and a quarter miles, plus minor steps climbs to the footbridges.

So I started off on this run, planning to stop after 30 minutes without expecting to complete the whole course, but in the next few weeks, within 3 or 4 runs, my goal was to be able to do so.

As expected, I wasn't impressed with how I was doing, but plugged on. Towards the end I was thinking of eliminating the last two crossings, thinking the truncated course would be just about right, but I decided to stay on track, and ended up completing the whole course. Time: 29:59.60.

I actually felt good. Not crappy and exhausted like after the rides I've been doing. Afterwards, I went through the adjoining night market to cool off, and when I felt my knee start to lock up, I got out of the night market quick and stretched the pain out. And it worked. After getting some food and drink at the night market, I walked home painless.

So I wonder whether my health is in as dire condition as I've been feeling. And I wondered as much on Facebook and got some support. But I do think it's a fluke.

I have no illusion that I'm some medical marvel who can drink the way I do and not suffer appreciate the consequences. I buy a bottle every other day. If I bought a month's worth of alcohol at once, I'd have to buy 15 bottles. And it's been like this for many, many years. In San Francisco, I would buy several 1.75 liter bottles at a time from the Safeway on 16th Street. For a time in New Jersey I was finishing a bottle of 151 proof rum in 2 days and that stuff is suicide in a bottle. That shit fucks you up.

And truth to tell, I'm more and more spending time in "unbearable" mode. Where it's getting harder and harder just being here. It's hard on my body, it's hard on my mind. I'm using negative language, but I don't really see it that way. I use that language, but the actual mental state I'm quick to put into perspective of what I want – so it's "positive".

I don't want what other people want. And although on some level I have to admit that if I did run into some sort of cliched "soul mate", I might change my tune, I really don't believe that's going to happen. That would truly be miraculous, because it would really take quite a lot for me to change my tune, and out of the people I've met in the past 12 years, no one has come close to being a winner. The good friends I've met topped out as good friends, who I certainly appreciate.

The thing is that I'm still living my life in the material world (as opposed to the monastery), where I'm bombarded with stimulus, all of which encourages people to want what "other people want". So what am I doing?

I'll leave it to tomorrow to answer that. Or not.

SUNDAY, APRIL 25 - Outer hallway, Nikon N70, Ilford XP2 Super.

Intersection in front of Raohe night market west entrance. Ba De Rd., sec. 4 to the left, Tayou Rd. to the right. 

I think there used to be railroad tracks here. Trains have all been moved underground and roads are being paved in their place. This will be a continuation of Civic Blvd. east of the elevated Keelung Expressway seen in the distance.

Zhongxiao E. Rd., sec 5, near Houshanpi MRT station.

Chun Guang Park.

Song De Rd.