Not helping in that department is my right Achilles giving me lots of trouble. I was jogging in New Jersey almost every day, but instead of getting stronger by going slower, it got weaker. I couldn't go jogging for my last week there, and then literally while I was leaving for the airport I felt a major pull. I was limping so badly at the airport that at immigration I was directed to the handicap lane (thank you to the airport worker for that, btw). Then not two weeks later, without having fully recovered, while getting on a bus it pulled again in an equally major way.
So feeling injured physically and sick medically, mortality has been front and center a little more so than usual. I mean mortality is a regular part of meditation, but it feels a little more real when things aren't going so well.
On top of that, I've been wondering for a while why I have such a huge gut when I really don't eat that much and exercise fairly regularly (except when I don't). I've always attributed it to alcohol consumption, but haven't pinpointed anything until I finally found something online called cirrhotic ascites. Cirrhosis is, of course, the liver disease most associated with alcoholism. Ascites is fluid accumulation in the abdomen associated with cirrhosis and can cause "abdominal fullness, early satiety" and "abdominal pain". That last one's a little vague but if it covers digestive issues, I have those.
This is web surfing, not a medical diagnosis. I can't know for sure if this is anything without going in for a check-up, which I won't. Still, it's a little bit of affirmation for all these years of heavy drinking. There are people who drink like I do and live to ripe old ages. I just hope I'm not one of them.
Needless to say, mortality isn't a big deal for me. Leaving this body is something I'm gladly willing to do. If I recognize that I'm dying, I expect my thoughts to be of good-bye blessings to the world. Not "good riddance", since under my own beliefs and theories I don't know if I can escape the cycle of death and rebirth and may easily be here again, hopefully with a more productive bent.
So feeling injured physically and sick medically, mortality has been front and center a little more so than usual. I mean mortality is a regular part of meditation, but it feels a little more real when things aren't going so well.
On top of that, I've been wondering for a while why I have such a huge gut when I really don't eat that much and exercise fairly regularly (except when I don't). I've always attributed it to alcohol consumption, but haven't pinpointed anything until I finally found something online called cirrhotic ascites. Cirrhosis is, of course, the liver disease most associated with alcoholism. Ascites is fluid accumulation in the abdomen associated with cirrhosis and can cause "abdominal fullness, early satiety" and "abdominal pain". That last one's a little vague but if it covers digestive issues, I have those.
This is web surfing, not a medical diagnosis. I can't know for sure if this is anything without going in for a check-up, which I won't. Still, it's a little bit of affirmation for all these years of heavy drinking. There are people who drink like I do and live to ripe old ages. I just hope I'm not one of them.
Needless to say, mortality isn't a big deal for me. Leaving this body is something I'm gladly willing to do. If I recognize that I'm dying, I expect my thoughts to be of good-bye blessings to the world. Not "good riddance", since under my own beliefs and theories I don't know if I can escape the cycle of death and rebirth and may easily be here again, hopefully with a more productive bent.
