I think the ones with quotation marks are jokes:

1) “Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.” (Sharon Stone)
2) “Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.” (Barbara Bush - Former U.S. First Lady)
3) Ah, yes, divorce..., from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet. (Robin Williams)
4) Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. (Billy Crystal)
5) Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and just give her a house. (Rod Stewart)
6) “There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you’re eager to meet people who do.” (Henry Kissinger)- (former US Secretary of State)
7) “My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what she’s reading.” (Steve Jobs - Founder, Apple Computers)
8) “My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee - the natural enemy of a tightrope walker.” (Dan Rather - News anchorman)
9) “I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with ‘Guess’ on it. I said, "Thyroid problem?" (Arnold Schwarzenegger)
10) “Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.” (Tiger Woods)
11) Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself. (Roseanne)
12) According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, whereas, of course, men are just grateful. (Robert De Niro)
13) AND THE NUMBER ONE QUOTE IS: See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time. (Robin Williams)

current soundtrack: Throwing Muses - "The Real Ramona"